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It looks like curtains for May but who will take up her mantle? Enter the fireplace lothario

So, if media reports are to be believed, Theresa May has had it as Prime Minister – yet again. She is certainly getting grief from all sides. Within her own Tory cabinet there are calls for her to spell out her stance on Brexit or face a vote of no confidence, whilst the House of Lords start a mammoth 12 day stint ripping apart – sorry, assessing – the EU Withdrawal Bill this week and so far they have said it needs a major rewrite and is constitutionally flawed. A little bit of work to do back in the Commons then.

Even Donald Trump, who had nothing short of a love-in with Mrs May over in Davos last week – to the point I spent the weekend trying to construct their 'couple name' – Tr-ay and M-ump were the best I could come up with – has kicked her to the curb. He said in that interview with fellow narcissist Piers Morgan on Sunday night, that he would have tackled Brexit much better than Mrs May and that he “understood” the British people (heaven help us).

But I'm suspicious. I'll tell you for why. As we know, this is not the first time Mrs May has faced the chop. There has been more talk of her job being on the line, than she has had swanky posh dinners. However, whilst she has proved herself to have more lives than a cat, the central reason she has not been ousted thus far – aside from the fact it may jeopardise the progress of Brexit and let's face it that's quite happily going along jeopardising itself – is the simple fact there has been no one suitable to take over.

Now call me cynical, but it seems all a little bit convenient that just at the time when yet again we are all down on Mrs May, the media has been treating us to the sordid past life of new defence minister Gavin Williamson. Let's be honest now, before his promotion we didn't really know much about him, did we. There was chatter that he was the one who kept a tarantula in his office so he could go all Bond-villainesque when he called MPs into his office to give them a good whipping – in his capacity as chief whip (shame on you).

But other than that – Gavin who? Then it began. We were being primed from the outset of his promotion to sit up and take notice. There was that outrageous talk about any British people going off to fight with Isis being assassinated at point blank range should they try and return to this country. Now he has come up with this quite fantastical theory – worthy of a Monty Python sketch or perhaps a BBC drama starring Agyness Deyn – that the Russians are intending to wipe out thousands upon thousands of Britain's in a cyber attack which would see them poisoning us through the pipes in our own homes.

The real clincher, however, has been revelations that he was not only a fireplace salesman, but that during that rather murky period of his life – which incidentally does not appear on his CV - he had an affair with a colleague at the firm Elgin and Hall. He told the Daily Mail that his job often involved weekends away for work – that old chestnut – and that whilst away he started having an affair with one of his colleagues which nearly cost him his marriage, and if media speculation is right, did cost him his managerial post at the fireplace's firm.

Cue images of stolen moments pressing his colleague up against the chimney breast, something to do with a sheepskin rug perhaps and a knocked over coal bucket. But no, turn down the heat a little – he said it was just one or two kisses and nothing more.

This is most peculiar. It is hard to understand why he has decided to make this revelation when there is little revelation to make – not that I condone extra-marital kissing, but really, this scenario was all cued up for major scandal and this just isn't it.

Has Williamson been inspired by UKIP leader Henry Bolton's tales of striking up with a 25-year-old glamour model to put his name on the political map? Because let's be honest, we didn't really know who Mr Bolton was until then either.

Whatever is going on, we the public are being manipulated to sit up and pay attention to this man Williamson just at the moment that yet again there are calls for Mrs May to go. This is the man we undoubtedly are meant to be thinking would be an excellent successor to her role – someone to take up her mantle if you will.

According to polls, he is third favourite to become the next Prime Minister after Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg. Well really, with these options, they're spoiling us.


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