Skip to main content

Trump has pledged to come to the UK and save Brexit – He's probably got the wrong end of the stick about the President's Club

There has been endless talk of building bridges over troubled water this week from the 'Boris Bridge' over the English Channel to the DUP's proposal of an even larger bridge joining Northern Ireland to Scotland.

But all other bridges pale into insignificance in the face of the one built between Donald Trump and Theresa May at Davos – the World Economic Forum. Not only is the American President's visit to the UK back on – prepare the banners – but he has also pledged to save Brexit with “tremendous trade”.

So what actually went on? Well it all took place in what amounted to a 15 minute meeting between the two leaders - Trump ever the fast worker. The President began by declaring his love for the Prime Minister. He said the US would always be there for Britain. “We love your country” and we “like each other a lot”.

This all appeared to indicate the special relationship between the two countries - which had been all but squandered due to tensions over those Britain First retweets - was back on. Trump went so far as to declare it was a “false rumour” there was tension in the US-UK relationship. “We're on the same wavelength in, I think, every respect”, he said. There was nothing that would happen where the US would not be there for Britain.

This was no bog standard bridge building – it was a veritable Bridge of Sighs. Trump would be getting the engagement ring out next – and in a manner of speaking he did. “Brexit,” he boomed, and Mrs May, unable to get a word in for the last 12 minutes, instantly perked up. This was what she had been waiting for. As we know she has been extremely keen – desperate – to dig herself out of the Brexit trade hole, of her own making, by securing a trade deal with the US.

Trump announced that trade between the US and the UK was going to increase “many times”. “The discussions that will be taking place are going to lead to tremendous increase in trade between our countries, which is great for both in terms of jobs,” he said.

“Tremendous trade,” Mrs May chuckled to herself, before realising the timer was counting down to the end of the meeting. “Come and see me”, the words tumbled out of her mouth. “Sure” declared Trump, your people can talk to my people and we’ll sort something out – a working visit for the summer.

Trump walks off trying to conceal a creeping grin. He'd heard about the President's Club – girls, girls, girls laid on just for him - in good old blighty. And with a little bit of sweet talk he'd managed to secure his lifetime's membership.

While former Prime Minister David Cameron was accidentally caught on camera at Davos actually giving an opinion on Brexit – the first he has given since abandoning us neck deep in it. He called the Leave vote “a mistake not a disaster” adding: “It's turned out less badly than we thought.” Debatable.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Life on Mars, "gangster" Peppa Pig and the Loewe dinosaur trainers

So it turns out Button Moon was a lie.

This reporter is of course referring to the 1980's children's TV show, which followed Mr Spoon and his family of fellow kitchen utensils, as they day-tripped off to Button Moon in a junk model space rocket.

There the family would enjoy all manner of adventures before returning back to earth in time for tea. Mr Spoon made space travel look a sinch. It transpires space travel is not a sinch.

NASA, alongside the European Space Agency, is planning to bring Martian rocks back to earth to see whether the planet is inhabited by aliens. However, this daring mission is not a simple matter of astronauts rocketing up to Mars, picking up a few rocks in their space buckets, and returning back to earth that same afternoon.

As it turns out, the whole venture is going to be something of a palaver on the basis we are not, as yet, able to land a rocket on another planet and then take back off again. This means bringing the rocks home will take at least thr…

Hawaiian shirts, "gammons" and the crack at the Home Office

Aloha. You find this reporter lying back on a sun lounger, pina colada in hand, to announce the latest fashion trend for men, the Hawaiian shirt.

Formally the mainstay of the 'zany dad' and Tom Selleck as Magnum PI, the Hawaiian shirt looks ready to bedeck the most trendy of backs - and fronts - across the fashion hemisphere this summer, with Prada leading the charge. The most desirable of fashion houses has launched an exclusive collection of Hawaiian shirts for Mr Porter, the male arm of Net-a-Porter.

And the feeling on the street is, Britain's most fashionable men are ready to embrace something a little more vivacious and adventurous this season. The 'fun' trend is already rolling out to the high street with All Saints stocking their own versions. Back at the high end, Stella McCartney and Burberry have designed their own bold printed shirts with 'jolly motifs'.

Just don't get too complacent over this new fashion staple and pair it with loose fitting…

The Hugh Grant Interview, appetite suppressing lollipops and the Jacquemus straw hat

"No more rom-coms for me" declares Hugh Grant. This reporter caught up with, arguably, the king of rom-com Mr Grant recently to find out more. Dim the lights, crank up the music player. Three, two, one...

"Fame, I'm gonna live forever..."

Good evening and welcome to Fame, the celebrity spotlight televisual programme, presented by none other than This Reporter. As you can see (!) we have moved to a brand new studio following last week's furore with Oasis legend Noel Gallagher.

This reporter recognises this new studio does not hold quite so much of the glamour, the pizazz, the je ne sais quoi of the former studio. Indeed it looks a little like someones disused box room, but the move was deemed necessary due to the threat of 'cataclysmic retribution'.

On with the show, and tonight's guest is a much-loved British actor, as famed for his floppy hair and endearing upper class hesitance, as his back catalogue of romantic comedic excellence. Starring in…

Rudd's resignation, Trump's visit and Kat Von D's indestructible eyeliner

You better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout. I'm telling you why. Donald Trump is coming to town.

More about that later. First, some serious news. (This reporter puts on her most sensible of news reading glasses). The Guardian reports today (Monday) that Amber Rudd has "dramatically" resigned as home secretary after "repeatedly struggling to account for her role in the unjust treatment of Windrush generation migrants."

The documenter of our times continues: "The home secretary was forced to step down after a series of revelations in the Guardian over Windrush culminated in a leak on Friday that appeared to show she was aware of targets for removing illegal migrants from Britain.

"The pressure increased late on Sunday afternoon as the Guardian revealed that in a leaked 2017 letter to Theresa May, Rudd had told the Prime Minister of her intention to increase deportations by 10 per cent - seemingly at odds with her recent denials that she w…

This week's must-have purchase - the wedding jumpsuit

This reporter declares we have reached peak wedding obsession.

With the realisation that in a few weeks time we will no longer be able to speculate over the finite details of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's wedding, because it will be done and dusted, it appears the media is already trying to move our focus onto another potential wedding extravaganza - the nuptials of three-year-old Princess Charlotte.

The Evening Standard newspaper ran an article alluding to just that. With no sense of irony, it discussed the fact that whilst Charlotte is undeniably a Princess and fourth in line to the throne, when she marries (note the "when", not if) and has children, they will be unlikely to have titles.

The newspaper goes on to explain that there are only two ways to become a British princess. You either need to be born the daughter of a prince or you have to marry one.

But this reporter is still stuck several sentences back, struggling to come to terms with the assumption Princess…