Skip to main content

Balaclavas, avocado proposals and the Alexa Chung jumpsuit

We need to approach this new balaclava trend with trepidation. Not just because it's a challenging look to pull off and the words, "I saw Joan in town and she was wearing a rather fetching balaclava", are seldom heard. But because of what the balaclava signifies.

This reporter fears it is no co-incidence that, as we run the daily risk of waking up in a nuclear missile-shaped crater with tattered pyjamas and only half a packet of prawn cocktail crisps and a cockroach for company, the fashion world has thrust this woolly-helmeted symbol of war upon us.

Let us trot back in time a moment and recall that the balaclava actually originates from 1854 when British women knitted and posted out to Balaclava, Ukraine, head coverings for unprepared troops fighting in the bitterly cold Crimean War. Now they are being sported by models prancing the catwalks of designers like Calvin Klein and Gucci.

Meanwhile, the mind-boggling appeal of the avocado continues to flourish, with romantic-types now using them to pop the question. We, naturally, have Instagram to blame for this, as it appears not enough for millennials to propose to the one they love. They must also score maximum views on the social networking site with the photographs.

And they have worked out there is no better way of doing this than using both the most-highly coveted Instagram tags "proposal" and "avocado". This has led to people embedding engagement rings between two avocado halves. Nothing says love more than mushy fruit I guess. It's bananas this reporter feels sorry for.

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has finally conceded Labour will officially support Britain remaining in the customs union post-Brexit after the most drawn out "will he, won't he" since the world waited to see if Brad Pitt would get back with Jennifer Aniston after splitting with Angelina Jolie (well, Jennifer is single again).

This move is a vital one as it means Prime Minister Theresa May now faces huge opposition on the issue when Parliament votes on it in the spring, as many Tory rebels have already spoken out in favour of the Pitt-Aniston reunion, sorry, customs union.

As for the single market, this is still a no go as far as Jezza is concerned as keeping in it would scupper his plans for economic reform, should he become Prime Minister.

Talking of which, the first female Prime Minister of New Zealand is having to battle against misogyny. The world is not surprised but it is incensed over journalist Charles Wooley's cack-handed attempt at interviewing Jacinda Ardern, who just happens to also be pregnant.

Viewers branded the TV interview "sexist" and "creepy" after Mr Wooley opened by saying he had met a lot of prime ministers in his time, but none as young, smart or attractive as Ms Ardern. Declaring he, like the rest of the country, was "smitten" by her, he went on to ask how such a nice person had got into the sordid world of politics, before clinching it by making uncomfortable allusions to the date of conception of her baby.

Putting to her the fact people had questioned whether it was wise to conceive a baby during an election campaign, Ms Ardern, visibly uncomfortable, was forced to retort: "The election was done. Not that we need to get into those details."

This reporter thinks it may be time to acquire ourselves one of those balaclavas. Failing that, Alexa Chung has come out with an oversized straight-leg cotton-blend jumpsuit which has something of the land girl meets partisan about it. Highly practical for digging bunkers or secretly infiltrating enemy territory and it's a little more forgiving than the balaclava.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Life on Mars, "gangster" Peppa Pig and the Loewe dinosaur trainers

So it turns out Button Moon was a lie.

This reporter is of course referring to the 1980's children's TV show, which followed Mr Spoon and his family of fellow kitchen utensils, as they day-tripped off to Button Moon in a junk model space rocket.

There the family would enjoy all manner of adventures before returning back to earth in time for tea. Mr Spoon made space travel look a sinch. It transpires space travel is not a sinch.

NASA, alongside the European Space Agency, is planning to bring Martian rocks back to earth to see whether the planet is inhabited by aliens. However, this daring mission is not a simple matter of astronauts rocketing up to Mars, picking up a few rocks in their space buckets, and returning back to earth that same afternoon.

As it turns out, the whole venture is going to be something of a palaver on the basis we are not, as yet, able to land a rocket on another planet and then take back off again. This means bringing the rocks home will take at least thr…

Hawaiian shirts, "gammons" and the crack at the Home Office

Aloha. You find this reporter lying back on a sun lounger, pina colada in hand, to announce the latest fashion trend for men, the Hawaiian shirt.

Formally the mainstay of the 'zany dad' and Tom Selleck as Magnum PI, the Hawaiian shirt looks ready to bedeck the most trendy of backs - and fronts - across the fashion hemisphere this summer, with Prada leading the charge. The most desirable of fashion houses has launched an exclusive collection of Hawaiian shirts for Mr Porter, the male arm of Net-a-Porter.

And the feeling on the street is, Britain's most fashionable men are ready to embrace something a little more vivacious and adventurous this season. The 'fun' trend is already rolling out to the high street with All Saints stocking their own versions. Back at the high end, Stella McCartney and Burberry have designed their own bold printed shirts with 'jolly motifs'.

Just don't get too complacent over this new fashion staple and pair it with loose fitting…

The Hugh Grant Interview, appetite suppressing lollipops and the Jacquemus straw hat

"No more rom-coms for me" declares Hugh Grant. This reporter caught up with, arguably, the king of rom-com Mr Grant recently to find out more. Dim the lights, crank up the music player. Three, two, one...

"Fame, I'm gonna live forever..."

Good evening and welcome to Fame, the celebrity spotlight televisual programme, presented by none other than This Reporter. As you can see (!) we have moved to a brand new studio following last week's furore with Oasis legend Noel Gallagher.

This reporter recognises this new studio does not hold quite so much of the glamour, the pizazz, the je ne sais quoi of the former studio. Indeed it looks a little like someones disused box room, but the move was deemed necessary due to the threat of 'cataclysmic retribution'.

On with the show, and tonight's guest is a much-loved British actor, as famed for his floppy hair and endearing upper class hesitance, as his back catalogue of romantic comedic excellence. Starring in…

Rudd's resignation, Trump's visit and Kat Von D's indestructible eyeliner

You better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout. I'm telling you why. Donald Trump is coming to town.

More about that later. First, some serious news. (This reporter puts on her most sensible of news reading glasses). The Guardian reports today (Monday) that Amber Rudd has "dramatically" resigned as home secretary after "repeatedly struggling to account for her role in the unjust treatment of Windrush generation migrants."

The documenter of our times continues: "The home secretary was forced to step down after a series of revelations in the Guardian over Windrush culminated in a leak on Friday that appeared to show she was aware of targets for removing illegal migrants from Britain.

"The pressure increased late on Sunday afternoon as the Guardian revealed that in a leaked 2017 letter to Theresa May, Rudd had told the Prime Minister of her intention to increase deportations by 10 per cent - seemingly at odds with her recent denials that she w…

This week's must-have purchase - the wedding jumpsuit

This reporter declares we have reached peak wedding obsession.

With the realisation that in a few weeks time we will no longer be able to speculate over the finite details of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's wedding, because it will be done and dusted, it appears the media is already trying to move our focus onto another potential wedding extravaganza - the nuptials of three-year-old Princess Charlotte.

The Evening Standard newspaper ran an article alluding to just that. With no sense of irony, it discussed the fact that whilst Charlotte is undeniably a Princess and fourth in line to the throne, when she marries (note the "when", not if) and has children, they will be unlikely to have titles.

The newspaper goes on to explain that there are only two ways to become a British princess. You either need to be born the daughter of a prince or you have to marry one.

But this reporter is still stuck several sentences back, struggling to come to terms with the assumption Princess…