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Theresa May's out-of-touch housing plan and the lavender Gucci velvet blazer

This reporter doesn't wish to give the impression she's no longer listening to what our Prime Minister, Theresa May is saying, but she couldn't help but yet again be distracted by her chosen setting for a speech on housing. There she was stood before a fake brick wall with her lectern similarly papered in red brick, so that if she stood dead centre, it made it look like her top half was encased in - you guessed it - brick.

There has been much chat on social media about whether this was meant to be a metaphor - something to do with being "bricked in", but to be honest this reporter thinks someone was having a laugh at Mrs May's expense.

So let's talk about Mrs May's housing policy seeing as that is what we are here for. She has declared it is a cornerstone of her prime ministership after meeting numerous young people during her election campaign, angry that the only way they could get on the property ladder was with help from the bank of mum and dad. But unfortunately, as always, Mrs May has failed to grasp the full situation.

This reporter suggests we take a short interval here, pick up our pre-ordered drinks at the bar, and discuss millennial pink.  Now, for the uninitiated (and to that this reporter says, join the club) millennial pink is a particular shade of pink, which this reporter would describe as baby pink, gone off.

Trust me, we have been unwittingly buying into this ultra trendy colour without realising it because there is nothing that isn't this colour nowadays. There is not a book, which has been published since 2015, that does not have a cover of this colour, there are no cosmetics which do not come in millennial pink packaging. You cannot buy trainers, cashmere sweaters, scatter cushions or even sofas which do not come in this very particular shade. Paper clips, tooth picks, dust bin liners - all millennial pink.

Not to dishearten you however, but now you have actually learnt what millennial pink is, you must forget everything about it, because this reporter has been reliably informed by those in the fashion biz that millennial pink is no longer in. Lavender is going to steal its crown. A huge spray painting firm is coming in to re-colour the whole lot.

Brr ring, brr ring - and internal time is over. We must return to see Mrs May, with her back against the wall, continuing to discuss how she is going to revolutionise housing. And of course she is talking about affordable homes. The two keys words which are meant to reassure everyone that all their buying problems are over. The essential issue with this is, what qualifies as affordable housing at Westminster is not what constitutes affordable housing in the real world. They're out by a good £100,000.

Mrs May also chooses to 'reassure' young people there is no shame in renting but again this comment falls wide of the mark. It is not shame which drives young people's wish to get out of the renting trap, but the reality that mortgages tend to be cheaper. What we need, Mrs May, is rent controls, so people can start saving for deposits. Better still, you need to have a word with the banks, to push them into granting 100 per cent mortgages again.

If Mrs May turns up to her next address on housing wearing this lavender-coloured Gucci cotton-blend velvet blazer, this reporter will take it as a sign she is properly engaging with young people. If not...we're going to need a bigger spray gun.


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