Skip to main content

Backless mules, sleepwalking to Brexit and Meghan Markle does a bolt

Let's all sing together (to the tune of the Batman theme song) - Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, BREXIT.

What could we possibly be talking about today? Yes that's right, spring footwear (or are we?!) Vogue magazine declares it's time to think about decking our feet out for the transition - the seasonal one rather than the Brexit one (there has been no official fashion advise on what to wear for that yet). And it's all about shoes with their backs cut off them - or as regular folk call them, backless mules.

The shoes we are supposed to slip our feet into with ease and feel the warm breeze around our heels, in the manner of summer, but keep our toes tucked away all toasty, a la winter. There's a problem with this slip on style of shoe though isn't there?

The inherent risk that you may be quite happily sauntering down the road, only for your whole foot to suddenly kiss the pavement and you realise that one shoe has mysteriously vacated your foot and skidded some way further up the path ahead.

Under normal circumstances this is an aggravation but not sartorially terrible. It is quite easy to retrieve it and slip it back on. It's when there are people about who have witnessed your shoe doing a bunk that the trouble begins. It's quite difficult to style out shoe retrieval in front of an audience, this reporter finds.

Anyhoo, on to Brexit. The absolute latest is that Parliament has somehow managed to only pass around seven out of the five million or so pieces of Brexit legislation it needs to, to ensure we are ready to wave off Europe at the White Cliffs of Dover in less than a year's time.

Obviously these figures aren't completely accurate but this reporter can guarantee are spot on percentage wise. And as we saw only yesterday (Wednesday) when the government's wish to pull out of the customs union was trounced by the House of Lords, there is very good reason why MP's don't want to get the paper work done.

Whilst this may be a shocking suggestion - so this reporter is absolutely going to suggest it - but don't you think that people have perhaps lost interest in Brexit? Not just our 'fine and noble leaders' but even those staunch Brexit supporters who would have done their finest deranged horse ready to charge impression - all wide-eyed, frothy mouthed and stamp hoofed - if you so much as suggested they may be backing the wrong side, can't be bothered with the hassle of it anymore.

Better things have come along like Syrian air strikes, the poisoning of Russian spies and Beyonce's headline performance at Coachella.

This reporter finds herself in agreement with Guardian columnist Rafael Behr that whilst the metronomic chant of the referendum being the "will of the people" will get us someway to ensuring Brexit will happen regardless, the other part will come from the fact everyone is now sleepwalking their way towards it.

And whilst it couldn't be any more apparent that we should be ditching the idea altogether, the venue has been booked, the dress is made, the hen and stag dos have gone off in a swill of lager and Bacardi and so the bride and groom feel obliged to go ahead with it, not wishing to inconvenience everybody else or make all this planning a complete waste of time.

Talking of which, feminist harridan Germaine Greer has given her thoughts on the impending Royal Wedding and her conclusion is Meghan Markle is going to do a bolt. Not before her marriage to Prince Harry but at some point after when she realises just how boring it is to be part of 'the firm'.

The strength of Meghan and Harry's love will determine whether Harry bolts with her, Germaine surmises. "Well Meghan has been divorced before" she adds, giving considerable weight to the solo bolt.

It's certainly a possibility that Meghan could have been so caught up in the romance of marrying her Prince Charming that she hasn't factored in just how dull her life will be posing for royal photographs, churning out babies and keeping schtum.

But there is also the chance Meghan will succeed where Kate Middleton has failed before her and shake the royal family up a little. This reporter feels Germaine should at least give her a chance, whilst secretly relishing, purely journalistically of course, the idea of Meghan and Harry doing a bolt together.

And on the basis there is bolting to be done, this reporter suggests Meghan doesn't go for the backless mule this spring/summer but this Miu Miu version instead, which can be firmly strapped on. This reporter suggests we all get a pair. (And yes she is talking about Brexit).

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Life on Mars, "gangster" Peppa Pig and the Loewe dinosaur trainers

So it turns out Button Moon was a lie.

This reporter is of course referring to the 1980's children's TV show, which followed Mr Spoon and his family of fellow kitchen utensils, as they day-tripped off to Button Moon in a junk model space rocket.

There the family would enjoy all manner of adventures before returning back to earth in time for tea. Mr Spoon made space travel look a sinch. It transpires space travel is not a sinch.

NASA, alongside the European Space Agency, is planning to bring Martian rocks back to earth to see whether the planet is inhabited by aliens. However, this daring mission is not a simple matter of astronauts rocketing up to Mars, picking up a few rocks in their space buckets, and returning back to earth that same afternoon.

As it turns out, the whole venture is going to be something of a palaver on the basis we are not, as yet, able to land a rocket on another planet and then take back off again. This means bringing the rocks home will take at least thr…

Hawaiian shirts, "gammons" and the crack at the Home Office

Aloha. You find this reporter lying back on a sun lounger, pina colada in hand, to announce the latest fashion trend for men, the Hawaiian shirt.

Formally the mainstay of the 'zany dad' and Tom Selleck as Magnum PI, the Hawaiian shirt looks ready to bedeck the most trendy of backs - and fronts - across the fashion hemisphere this summer, with Prada leading the charge. The most desirable of fashion houses has launched an exclusive collection of Hawaiian shirts for Mr Porter, the male arm of Net-a-Porter.

And the feeling on the street is, Britain's most fashionable men are ready to embrace something a little more vivacious and adventurous this season. The 'fun' trend is already rolling out to the high street with All Saints stocking their own versions. Back at the high end, Stella McCartney and Burberry have designed their own bold printed shirts with 'jolly motifs'.

Just don't get too complacent over this new fashion staple and pair it with loose fitting…

The Hugh Grant Interview, appetite suppressing lollipops and the Jacquemus straw hat

"No more rom-coms for me" declares Hugh Grant. This reporter caught up with, arguably, the king of rom-com Mr Grant recently to find out more. Dim the lights, crank up the music player. Three, two, one...

"Fame, I'm gonna live forever..."

Good evening and welcome to Fame, the celebrity spotlight televisual programme, presented by none other than This Reporter. As you can see (!) we have moved to a brand new studio following last week's furore with Oasis legend Noel Gallagher.

This reporter recognises this new studio does not hold quite so much of the glamour, the pizazz, the je ne sais quoi of the former studio. Indeed it looks a little like someones disused box room, but the move was deemed necessary due to the threat of 'cataclysmic retribution'.

On with the show, and tonight's guest is a much-loved British actor, as famed for his floppy hair and endearing upper class hesitance, as his back catalogue of romantic comedic excellence. Starring in…

Rudd's resignation, Trump's visit and Kat Von D's indestructible eyeliner

You better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout. I'm telling you why. Donald Trump is coming to town.

More about that later. First, some serious news. (This reporter puts on her most sensible of news reading glasses). The Guardian reports today (Monday) that Amber Rudd has "dramatically" resigned as home secretary after "repeatedly struggling to account for her role in the unjust treatment of Windrush generation migrants."

The documenter of our times continues: "The home secretary was forced to step down after a series of revelations in the Guardian over Windrush culminated in a leak on Friday that appeared to show she was aware of targets for removing illegal migrants from Britain.

"The pressure increased late on Sunday afternoon as the Guardian revealed that in a leaked 2017 letter to Theresa May, Rudd had told the Prime Minister of her intention to increase deportations by 10 per cent - seemingly at odds with her recent denials that she w…

This week's must-have purchase - the wedding jumpsuit

This reporter declares we have reached peak wedding obsession.

With the realisation that in a few weeks time we will no longer be able to speculate over the finite details of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's wedding, because it will be done and dusted, it appears the media is already trying to move our focus onto another potential wedding extravaganza - the nuptials of three-year-old Princess Charlotte.

The Evening Standard newspaper ran an article alluding to just that. With no sense of irony, it discussed the fact that whilst Charlotte is undeniably a Princess and fourth in line to the throne, when she marries (note the "when", not if) and has children, they will be unlikely to have titles.

The newspaper goes on to explain that there are only two ways to become a British princess. You either need to be born the daughter of a prince or you have to marry one.

But this reporter is still stuck several sentences back, struggling to come to terms with the assumption Princess…