Skip to main content

Gingerbread people, Serrano and Isabel Marant's Lonny belt

"Run, run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man..."

You know the way people get het up about the minutiae of life? How daily grumbles and irritations are inexplicably elevated to the status of world poverty and famine?

That is what has happened here...

Cake-lovers are up in arms after a bakery decided to change the labels on its gingerbread men to the more politically correct 'gingerbread people'.

JL Bean Bakery in Cleveleys, Lancashire, modified the name of its biscuits on a mere "whim" according to its owner Paul Lewis. However, a recent customer took immense offence when she went to order a gingerbread man and she was told "actually they are gingerbread people now".

The customer, a Mrs Dugdale, expressed her exasperation with this "politically-correct nonsense" on social media and others were quick to join in the criticism. Owner Mr Lewis maintains the name change was nothing to do with political correctness and he was "surprised at how seriously some of the people were taking things."

This reporter questions where this leaves us with Lady Fingers?

Meghan Markle, or the Duchess of Sussex to give her her official title, has cemented her feminist status on her new page on the British monarchy's website.

The profile lists the 36-year-old American actress's achievements to date including her quote from the 2015 United Nations conference in New York: "I am proud to be a woman and a feminist".

It continues that Meghan has had a "keen awareness of social issues and actively participated in charitable work" from a young age. It goes on to say her first campaign will be to ensure all gingerbread men are henceforth known as gingerbread people. This is of course 'fake news'.

Here are some real news headlines...

The human race makes up just 0.01 per cent of all life but has managed to eradicate most other livings things, according to a ground-breaking study into all life on Earth.
Humankind is revealed as simultaneously insignificant and utterly dominant in the grand scheme of things, causing the loss of 83 per cent of all wild mammals and half of plants since the dawn of civilisation, whilst the biggest category of animals on this planet is livestock kept by humans.

Benefits sanctions are ineffective at getting jobless people into work and are more likely to reduce those affected to poverty, ill-health or even survival crime, the UK's most extensive study of welfare conditionality has found.
The five-year exercise tracking hundreds of claimants concludes that the controversial policy of docking benefits as punishment for alleged failures to comply with job centre rules has been little short of disastrous.

Michael Gove and Ruth Davidson have teamed up to back new Tory thinktank Onward, with a warning that without fresh ideas and a broader appeal the party will be "finished for at least a generation".
A recent YouGov poll found that nearly half of 18 to 24-year-olds said they would never vote Conservative, whilst at the 2017 election, the tipping point when people were more likely to vote Tory than Labour rose from 34 to 47.
Ms Davidson said: "The choice isn't whether we pick a side between young and old, urban or rural - millennial entrepreneur or baby-boomer factory worker. Or, if you will, it's not a choice between Serrano or gammon...We have it in us to speak to the entire nation - and we must".

This reporter reflects we really are obsessed with meat.

Can the fashion world offer us any hope today? Not likely. This reporter was quite sure we had ditched the ornamental belt. She hasn't seen anyone wearing a belt for anything other trouser-holding-up purposes since 2015 but it looks like waist-cinching is back with vengeance. So much for those feminist principles.

The Leowe Obi belt looks quite simply painful. The Gucci leather belt bag - practical. But she suggests if you are going to revisit this trend at least go for the Isabel Marant Lonny belt. It doubles as a whip.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Jilly Cooper interview, a ground-breaking cure for cancer and the Rock n' Rose hair scarf

"Fame I'm gonna live forever..."

Good afternoon and welcome back to a special, roadshow edition of Fame, the celebrity spotlight televisual programme presented by none other than yours truly, This Reporter.

Here we are squirreled away in a delightful cattle shed somewhere deep in the British countryside waiting for this afternoon's guest to arrive. She is a journalist and prolific best-selling author. With novels including "Rider", "Jump" and "Mount" she is undeniably the queen of the "posh bonkbuster". Here to talk about modern men, starting out and Germaine Greer's latest contentious comments on rape, ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for Jilly Cooper OBE.

Press play on the ghetto blaster Gary.

"Keep rollin', rollin', rollin. Though the streams are swollen. Keep them dogies rollin', rawhide..."

This Reporter: Jilly Cooper. Welcome. Pull up a hay bale.

Jilly Cooper: Why thank-you. (…

The Kim/Trump meeting, crime fighter Cumberbatch and the Nike Fanny Pack Slides

This reporter declares she takes her eye off the news for a mere week and the world has gone stark raving, round-the-twist bonkers (or certainly a few shades further up the bonkers scale it was already quite jollily ascending).

With reality TV stars attempting to run the show globally and the actual real-life Sherlock Holmes crime fighting on London's streets, we have as good as fallen down the rabbit hole and landed head first in Willy Wonka's loony juice. However, seeing as we're all here, let's dive all the way to the bottom and take a closer look.

Our first story quite frankly reaches the absolute pinnacle of current societal mood, which favours bolshy fame seekers of negligible talent over the quietly naturally gifted.

We have already seen how well that goes with current President of the United States Donald Trump. But undeterred we now have entering stage left, reality TV star Kim Kardashian who appears to be channelling actress Angelina Jolie in her attempt to  …

Tonsils, cacti and purchase of the week - the beach bag

"Oh I do like to be beside the seaside, oh I do like to be beside the sea..."

Do you remember the good old-fashioned cool box? The big chunky plastic container with the extractable white handle, which came with two blue ice blocks you had to put in the freezer overnight before any planned picnic or trip to the beach?

This reporter finds herself yearning for the return of one of these retro contraptions as she is bombarded with the news that a designated beach bag is considered de rigueur for any trip to the seaside now.

What's the panic, I hear you exclaim? Just find your old tote bag or canvas carrier and chuck all your belongings in, letting them mix shamelessly with the sand of last year's trip. No my amigos that simply won't do. The fashion world decrees we must splash the cash on a bag specifically purposed for these days out - the words beach and bag are no misnomer.

Vogue, as always, has a list of bags to take pride of place on your beach lounger. This rep…

The female-only island, Trump's Irn-Bru and the embellished loafer

This reporter brings you tidings of bonne nouvelle. We're going on holiday. Pack your suitcase, get your neighbours to water the goldfish and walk the plants, and let's vacance.

Where are we headed, this reporter hears you ask? Well, she shall tell you, my most eager reader, we are going to a female-only island.

Isn't that prejudiced against all men folk, you respond. Well quite, says this reporter, but that is nothing compared to what is to come. But stop right there - this reporter will ruin her punchline.

Let's progress Bristol fashion to the departure lounge, but first, we must have a nosey around duty free. And what do we spy here but today's fashion fix - the embellished loafer. What a co-incidence. It's almost like this isn't real life at all but something someone's scribbled down just to 'entertain'.

The embellished loafer is 'the' spring shoe, encapsulating the practical with just the right amount of magic. (Thanks Vogue). From …

Germaine Greer on "naked" Beyonce, Ruby Tandoh on food snobbery and the Khaite wool bodysuit

Please hold caller.

Excuse this reporter one moment. She's just got to take this call. You see, she's set herself up a little sideline - 'This Reporter's Fashion Helpline", an emergency hotline for all your sartorial problems, big and small.

Yes, sorry. How may this reporter help you?
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. Yes. I understand. Yes. The daisy square neck wool bodysuit by Khaite. Yes absolutely, guaranteed. Not a problem. Call again soon.

Apologies for that. Just took a call from "In a Flap" from Blackburn. She's been struck down by the fashion trend for tucking in everything, including the chunkiest of knitwear, into the waistband of her jeans and its left her feeling as though she is about to pop.

This reporter told her she sympathises. We never used to have this trouble in this reporter's day. Indeed, we'd do anything to avoid being tucked in, including detention and lines after school. Now for the youth of today it's a case of get tucke…