Skip to main content

Tonsils, cacti and purchase of the week - the beach bag

"Oh I do like to be beside the seaside, oh I do like to be beside the sea..."

Do you remember the good old-fashioned cool box? The big chunky plastic container with the extractable white handle, which came with two blue ice blocks you had to put in the freezer overnight before any planned picnic or trip to the beach?

This reporter finds herself yearning for the return of one of these retro contraptions as she is bombarded with the news that a designated beach bag is considered de rigueur for any trip to the seaside now.

What's the panic, I hear you exclaim? Just find your old tote bag or canvas carrier and chuck all your belongings in, letting them mix shamelessly with the sand of last year's trip. No my amigos that simply won't do. The fashion world decrees we must splash the cash on a bag specifically purposed for these days out - the words beach and bag are no misnomer.

Vogue, as always, has a list of bags to take pride of place on your beach lounger. This reporter suggests, if you are going to shell out, go for this Rebecca De Ravenel She Sells Sea Shells basket bag. It makes no bones about our predicament.

Meanwhile if you haven't died of over-consumption yet, there's a good chance you will die of that, or any other virus you may pick up, very soon if you have had your tonsils out. According to health experts, a child risks infections, skin ailments, lung complaints and eye problems for life if they have had a tonsillectomy.

At best they will suffer more from common colds and respiratory problems but may also fall foul of around 28 more serious infectious diseases. The removal of tonsils and adenoids in the throat occurs when they are obstructing breathing or the child suffers repeated bouts of tonsillitis and middle-ear infections. However they also play an important role in the early immune system blocking the invasion of bacteria and viruses into the lungs and throat, it has recently been found.

The authors of this latest study, conducted in Australia, say alternatives to surgery should be considered but this reporter wonders what the likes of her are expected to do? Go and track down the charred remains of their own tonsils to the hospital waste incinerator where they were discarded and pop them back in?

All I can say is good job we are going to be sweltering from now until eternity in this 'blissful' bout of extended hot weather, as a much-needed distraction. This summer is predicted to be the hottest in 12 years and garden centres have already proved the winner of this year's unseasonably warm May.

Everyone, without exception, it appears has been trotting down to their garden centres to load up on blooms and garden furniture, all the better to bask in these unprecedented balmy temperatures. And even the millennials are doing their bit for the garden centre coffers, thanks to their new obsession with taking photos of cacti and other succulents for their instagram posts.

Notcutts and their like are breathing a huge sigh of relief for this unexpected boom in hot weather-induced garden love, following the snows of earlier in the year which left them faced with near destitution.

With everyone spending so much time in their gardens this summer it looks like that trip to the beach may be off after all but this reporter couldn't help digging out the cool box for old time's sake. And she thinks she's just found her tonsils.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

'Shade' brooches and Trump derangement syndrome

Last call for the Elon Musk submarine. And this is your captain, This Reporter, speaking, urging you all to fasten your seat belts and pin your 'shade' brooches onto your lapels - for this, our, now weekly plunge into the news headlines. It's going to be something of a bumpy ride.

First up, please be upstanding (but don't knock off your head) for the President of the United States, who is going to give us a formal address on UK/US trading. He says: "They make phenomenal things, you know, and you have different names - you can say "England", you can say "UK", you can say "United Kingdom" so many different - you know you have, you have so many different names ".

Donald Trump there, proving IQ is nothing but a number, as he well and truly blazed a skid mark of devastation across our country over the weekend. It would be a simpler task to list who he did not offend but most sympathy has gone out to Her Majesty who people railed is &q…

Burberry bonfires, Black Mirror Brexit (and a "guest")

Welcome to This Reporter's 'Ye Olde Fashioned Sweet Shop' where news headlines are carefully weighed up and parcelled into jolly candy striped bags. Come in and peruse the jars of gobstoppers, humbugs and political dib dabs, 'til you're left riding high on a crest of toxically pleasing e numbers.

Let's get stuck in and first up we have the buoyant tale of the Trump baby balloon going on tour. After its hugely successful omnipresence at the London protest march, the blimp is jetting off to Trump's homeland, where it will take to skies above rallies in New Jersey and the East Coast. As the saying goes, what goes on tour stays on tour, but This Reporter requests we have it back - for weddings and bar mitzvahs.

Labour MP Dame Margaret Hodge faces "action" after calling Jeremy Corbyn "an anti-semitic racist". (The jury is out whether she added an expletive.) Dame Margaret - whose relatives died in the holocaust- reacted with fury after Labour…

Stockpiling and the Last Surviving Pineapple Bag

FROM troops mobilised for Operation Blitz Brexit and Jacob Rees-Mogg's three piece suit on the sand, to the last surviving pineapple bag, This Reporter gives her weekly news and style round-up.


This Reporter greets you with the news that this week Brexit has well and truly spoked off its rocker. The army, they say, is to be drafted in following the inevitable No Deal conclusion, to distribute stockpiled food and medicine, and to deal with civil riots. Isn't that a "comfort".

Slightly more imminently, plans to hand out No Deal pamphlets to prepare us have been shelved, to prevent "panic" or, to quote an anonymous government source, to stop people "s***ing themselves". All This Reporter can say is, it quite clearly transpires voting for Brexit was no different to actively voting for conditions of war. The good news is we may finally deal with the obesity crisis. Perhaps that was the plan all along?

One unlikely individual not prepared to take this N…

Three Parties and the Perfect Holiday Dress

WITH the Tories incessant Brexit belching and Corbyn's crawling after dinner speech, This Reporter would rather vote for the perfect holiday dress.

Welcome to this week's news and style round-up and it's going to be something of a three course banquet - so loosen your belts. For starters we come to the Tories and the news they have launched a "secret" investigation into whether there is a link between their austerity measures and the accelerated use of food banks.

When it comes to the conundrum of cause and effect, we are not in the obscure realms of flapping butterfly wings here, but rather (to select a name completely at random, you understand) more a, if George picks up a brick and throws it through a window, and it shatters, do we blame the window, the brick - or George?

Brexit news has cracked on apace. Indeed academics say they have cracked it, with the grand revelation areas of the UK most badly hit by Tory austerity measures were more likely to vote Leave…

Space Force, Wreath Gate and the Stealthy Swimsuit

WITH life this week officially perilous on both land and in space, This Reporter suggests we all make like Robinson Crusoe and escape to our very own desert island - with help from the most stealthy of swimsuits. Welcome to your weekly news and style round-up.

Let's take the plunge and yep, we've all fallen for it. Even This Reporter, by nature of writing about it, has fallen for it. Indeed, not since Winnie the Pooh built a trap for a Heffalump only to find out that he was, the Heffalump, has anyone fallen for it, quite so badly.

This Reporter is of course referring to Boris Johnson, who - to his joy - has dominated the news headlines over the past week with his comments on Burka wearing. The recovering Foreign Secretary has been damned by the equalities watchdog for his comments comparing women who don the religious garb to "bank robbers" and "letterboxes".

Prime Minister Theresa May has called for Boris to apologise, in a move Tory undertaker Jacob Rees-…