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Pizza Express and Boris Johnson's 99 problems, but the ditch ain't one

THE MAJOR talking point of the week has been whether Pizza Express is set to go down the swanny. The pizza restaurant chain known, according to This Reporter's private lexicon, as "posh Pizza Hut" revealed it is currently battling £1.1billion worth of debt, which equates to a mammoth £1.6million per restaurant, and in turn, a heck of a lot of dough balls.
The plight of Pizza Express follows on from the news of Thomas Cook going under in the last few weeks and historically matches the tales of woe experienced by high street stalwarts BHS and Woolworths, which are alas no more but, especially in the case of Woolworths, still much bereaved.
Where else, This Reporter ponders could you buy a pick 'n' mix, a cassette tape of Ant and Dec's "Let's Get Ready to Rumble" and a toilet brush in one fell swoop?
Which leads to a serious piece of social commentary, which This Reporter has been keeping under her hat to be revealed at an appropriate time - deemed…
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"Hold my (disposable) coffee cup, let's Get Brexit Done" and don't forget the taser

TAKEAWAYS from this year's Tory conference include quite extraordinary scenes involving a disposable coffee cup, the Prime Minister and two of his aides, and all conveniently on #InternationalCoffeeDay.
The scene as depicted via a Sky camera person's rolling footage captures the moment one of the two aides flanking Boris Johnson, as he ambles with great importance along a conference corridor, hands the PM a cup of coffee. Only for a moment later, aide number two to be seen snatching the coffee cup out of Mr Johnson's hand and muttering, sotto voce, "no disposable cups".
What is to be noted about this exchange, which commentators have reported worthy of a sketch in "The Thick of It" but This Reporter would like to compare, rather more loosely, to The Chuckle Brothers of  "to me, to you" fame, is the outlandish belief that following a litany of gaffs, nay, a veritable comedy of errors no less, littering his political career to date, it is Mr Joh…

Boris Johnson groping up the Matterhorn with pine martens and Naga Munchetty

In news headlined "Diddums to Boris", the Conservative conference in Manchester has been "overshadowed" by allegations the Prime Minister groped the inner thigh of a journalist at a dinner in 1999.
Charlotte Edwardes, now a columnist at the Sunday Times but then a junior journalist, broke the story of alleged sexual harassment, very much at the hands of Boris Johnson, in a column at the weekend.
Thus ushered forth a plethora of MPs, certain beyond all possible mis-placed doubt, that Johnson was innocent of this not at all-to-type, accusation.
Nicky Morgan, the culture secretary and perhaps most significantly, former minister for women, said there is "no truth in these allegations". Housing Minister Esther McVey, alluding to time travel, suggested journalists needed to go back and check it really happened.
Whilst Sajid Javid, the chancellor, was rock solid saying: "The prime minister has said that this is completely untrue and I have full faith in the…

"Wacky Ambassador", #AbolishEton and Snowball the Dancing Cockatoo

Monday 8th July and incoming Prime Minister Boris Johnson has jabbed his whetted finger into the air, like a reverse dipstick, to test the latest mood swing of the nation and decreed this week he would best serve himself by backing a no deal Brexit. So here he goes saying he is going to make Britain "match fit" for a no deal departure "come what may", continuing, he was fed up with people claiming it cannot be done. "I have had enough of being told that we cannot do it - that the sixth biggest economy in the world is not strong enough to run itself and go forward in the world".
Over the weekend more than 30 Tories mumbled, in main part, anonymously, that they would block a no deal Brexit, should it be forced through Parliament. Rory Stewart, who became approximately two-eighths living legend for his earlier show in the PM leadership contest, for truth-saying, has gone a little off method with this more revolutionary idea. He declared he would organise an …

Neil Fromage, Scrapping the Sin Tax and Fantastic Arctic Fox

Monday 1st July and Labour is calling for an investigation into an anonymous leak to the Times newspaper that Jeremy Corbyn was too frail to be PM. Corbyn's team have refuted the allegation their leader is not "firing on all cylinders", with a spokesperson elaborating: "Jeremy Corbyn is as fit as a fiddle - people 20 years younger struggle to keep up with him". The leak is believed to have come from civil servants who have been accused of undermining democracy.
Tory PM wannabe Jeremy Hunt meanwhile has said he was prepared to look family businesses in the eye and say their sacrifice was worth it, should they go bust as a result of no deal Brexit. These words came as he insisted a no deal would be necessary, if a deal could not be struck by October, to show the world the UK listened to its people.
Accompanied by the sounds of a whale chorus, TV naturalist David Attenborough made a surprise appearance on stage at Glastonbury to thank the crowds for making the fes…