Skip to main content

Bum bags, Freddos and the French ads banned for mocking Brexit

In her sporadic style column for the Sunday Times, journalist, author and all-round smasher of a person, Caitlin Moran applauds the return of the 90's "rave accoutrement" - the bum bag.

She exclaims that this new bag trend, which has been updated for the new millennium as a fancy "magic belt" to store all your stuff in, is the perfect antidote to "bag shoulder", the ailment that hits all women in their thirties after years suspending their belongings from a strap across one shoulder.

Ms Moran recounts a potentially made-up, but nonetheless factually correct, conversation with her doctor, who she turns to for some "industrial-strength opiates" to ease the "twingy back" brought on by carrying her bag around in the aforementioned manner - only to be told that one of her shoulders is three inches higher than the other.

The doctor informs her that actually despite the fact she is a woman, she has not been provided with special "handbag shoulder strength" and that, flying in the face of everything we have ever been told about anything, a handbag can be bad for a woman.

Ms Moran is advised to get a rucksack to spread the load more evenly, however, Ms Moran quite  rightly points out, we now have another load spreading option - the bum bag.

This reporter concurs. This new/old trend has just the edge over the rucksack, which we know is coming for all of us just like face framing layers, comfy shoes, and boot leg trousers. But there is something more comforting, more secure, about carrying all your belongings around on your middle, like having a pouch to carry your Joey in.

There are two potential bum bags here - the Isabel Marant Noomi metallic shell belt bag is your old-school, traditional bum bag or alternatively there is the See by Chloe Kriss embellished leather belt bag which is your more modern take.

This reporter can gleefully report that Freddo bars are cheaper again. Following outrage from consumers that the chocolate treat had risen in price by an astonishing 200 per cent since 2000 - from 10p to 30p - Cadbury has dropped the price, to 25p.

The chocolate makers insist this price drop has not affected the product's ingredients or size. Chocolate fans reached peak outrage for "shrinkage" last year, if you recall, after Toblerone changed beyond all recognition when a new version appeared with far greater space between the triangles. The reduction was blamed on the slump in the value of the pound because of Brexit.

Talking of which, adverts aimed at luring British businesses to France after Brexit have been banned from the London Underground. Transport for London has refused to run any of the posters which come as part of a French advertising campaign, as they could be perceived to inflame "public controversy or sensitivity". Basically, they poke fun at Brexit.

The posters, made out to look like fake newspaper headlines, urge entrepreneurs worried about the UK's withdrawal from the European Union to "vote with their feet" and come to France instead. The mock newspaper also features a pretend lonely hearts ad, which reads: "Hot entrepreneur wanted...someone allergic to post-Brexit tariffs, legislation and restrictions preferred".

The adverts will still run in national newspapers and on buses (naturally). And who can blame any business for taking up France's offer. With only months left before the Brexit departure date and still no clear business policy set out by the UK government, we can only cheerily wave off any businesses choosing to pack their passports, and a couple of Freddos, into their bum bags and seek their fortune over the Channel.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Political Vanity and the Topshop Rust Dress

"Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the best reporter of them all?"

"This Reporter is all right, but the best reporter by far is..."

Smash!

Hello and welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up and this week there is a distinct whiff of vanity in the air. From portraits and balloons, to TV shows and Google listings, without further ado - let the egos swell. Just beware the rusty nail.

Readers, This Reporter begins with the sensational news there has been a reason to be proud to be British this week, namely the rendition of Aretha Franklin's "Respect" by the Royal Welsh Guards at Buckingham Palace. The brass band version of the classic hit came as a surprise to passers-by at the changing of the guard and marked the day of the legendary soul singer's funeral in the most eccentric of British ways.

Crashing back down to earth with a bump and Parliament is back this week, with all eyes set on ensuring we make the smoothest and most p…

Carrot Fluff and the Leopard Print Evening Gown

PUBS have this week been told to stop serving "carrot fluff" to their customers and instead go back to good old-fashioned pub grub like bangers and mash. The hefty dollop of criticism came from "The Good Pub Guide" which decreed drinkers were being put off by baffling and pretentious menus.

"We don't want our dishes adorned with carrot fluff, edible sand or fish foam, leave that to the swanky restaurants", the Guide scolded. This Reporter reassures readers they won't find any carrot fluff in this week's news and style round-up. And yes she is using the food stuff as a metaphor. As always there will be plenty of those though, and a leopard print evening gown.

We kick off with the news two Russian military intelligence officers were behind the novichok poisonings in Salisbury -  with more than a suggestion the order of command came from top brass himself Vladimir Putin. Though he denies it, of course.

The "Perfume Poisoners" as This Re…

Impeachment, Scallop Wars and the School Blazer

Hello and welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up. And isn't it curious how the fortunes of Britain and America appear to be in perfect accord, as the two greatest disasters in living memory - the election of Trump and the Brexit referendum - have reached an apocalyptic pinnacle this week. The question is, when will we have the time, or opportunity, to buy our new school blazer?

Because politicians are getting ready for a new school term at the exclusive, fee-paying establishment which is Westminster, and this is to be the equivalent of an exam - rather than a 'doss' - year. As a result they have been inflicted with an element of holiday homework, namely the reading up on the No Deal “information papers”, which the Government ummed and ahhed over releasing. For fear the nation would collectively wet itself.
This would have been quite the handy solution, but as to flooding the place, This Reporter has just one question – whether the Dealers or No Deale…

Brexit Spoiler Alert and the Autumn Brogues

WE'RE going to be getting the political miles in this week so there's no other thing for it. Time to purchase our autumn brogues. Welcome to This Reporter's news and style round-up.

And we begin with the blast from the past which is Gordon Brown. Like Harold from Neighbours, we thought we were shot of him, until he showed up years later with a spot of amnesia. Though Mr Brown's brain cogs appear to be firing on all mathematical cylinders, as he warned us this week we were in danger of "sleepwalking" into another financial crisis - if world leaders did not work together in acting on the lessons of 2008.

The trouble is the former Labour chancellor (and lest we forget - Prime Minister) was unable to say what would trigger it. This Reporter wouldn't like to presume - Gordon's the 'money whizz' - but how about the small matter we have come to call Brexit, as suggested by the Bank of England's Mark Carney this week.

Talking of which, the Governm…

Brexit Titanic, Bond and the Balenciaga Sweater

THE sartorial equivalent of an exploding tin of Alphabetti spaghetti has hit the fashion world this week with the resurgence of the 90s trend for big shouty designer logos emblazoned all over clothes. And This Reporter can see this as no co-incidence of timing, as we witness a political front scant in truth-telling or plain-speaking but instead besmirched by skulduggery, twiddle-twoddle and bare-faced lies. You'll see. Welcome to your news and style round-up.

First up on the news podium is Jeremy Corbyn and listen..."speech, speech, speech, speech". That's the cacophonous call from multiple sides this week for the Labour leader to formally address claims of anti-semitism, both personally, and within his party.

One journalist, Gary Younge, a columnist for The Guardian, has gone so far as to write a speech for him. The gist of it runs that Corbyn must own his past mistakes, but issue the plea he has been more often than not on the right side of history.

Whether Corbyn&…