Skip to main content

Bum bags, Freddos and the French ads banned for mocking Brexit

In her sporadic style column for the Sunday Times, journalist, author and all-round smasher of a person, Caitlin Moran applauds the return of the 90's "rave accoutrement" - the bum bag.

She exclaims that this new bag trend, which has been updated for the new millennium as a fancy "magic belt" to store all your stuff in, is the perfect antidote to "bag shoulder", the ailment that hits all women in their thirties after years suspending their belongings from a strap across one shoulder.

Ms Moran recounts a potentially made-up, but nonetheless factually correct, conversation with her doctor, who she turns to for some "industrial-strength opiates" to ease the "twingy back" brought on by carrying her bag around in the aforementioned manner - only to be told that one of her shoulders is three inches higher than the other.

The doctor informs her that actually despite the fact she is a woman, she has not been provided with special "handbag shoulder strength" and that, flying in the face of everything we have ever been told about anything, a handbag can be bad for a woman.

Ms Moran is advised to get a rucksack to spread the load more evenly, however, Ms Moran quite  rightly points out, we now have another load spreading option - the bum bag.

This reporter concurs. This new/old trend has just the edge over the rucksack, which we know is coming for all of us just like face framing layers, comfy shoes, and boot leg trousers. But there is something more comforting, more secure, about carrying all your belongings around on your middle, like having a pouch to carry your Joey in.

There are two potential bum bags here - the Isabel Marant Noomi metallic shell belt bag is your old-school, traditional bum bag or alternatively there is the See by Chloe Kriss embellished leather belt bag which is your more modern take.

This reporter can gleefully report that Freddo bars are cheaper again. Following outrage from consumers that the chocolate treat had risen in price by an astonishing 200 per cent since 2000 - from 10p to 30p - Cadbury has dropped the price, to 25p.

The chocolate makers insist this price drop has not affected the product's ingredients or size. Chocolate fans reached peak outrage for "shrinkage" last year, if you recall, after Toblerone changed beyond all recognition when a new version appeared with far greater space between the triangles. The reduction was blamed on the slump in the value of the pound because of Brexit.

Talking of which, adverts aimed at luring British businesses to France after Brexit have been banned from the London Underground. Transport for London has refused to run any of the posters which come as part of a French advertising campaign, as they could be perceived to inflame "public controversy or sensitivity". Basically, they poke fun at Brexit.

The posters, made out to look like fake newspaper headlines, urge entrepreneurs worried about the UK's withdrawal from the European Union to "vote with their feet" and come to France instead. The mock newspaper also features a pretend lonely hearts ad, which reads: "Hot entrepreneur wanted...someone allergic to post-Brexit tariffs, legislation and restrictions preferred".

The adverts will still run in national newspapers and on buses (naturally). And who can blame any business for taking up France's offer. With only months left before the Brexit departure date and still no clear business policy set out by the UK government, we can only cheerily wave off any businesses choosing to pack their passports, and a couple of Freddos, into their bum bags and seek their fortune over the Channel.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Government accused of Coronavirus cover-up and Veggie Corbyn booed at kebab awards

FROM the UK Government announcing it will only release Coronavirus data weekly, to vegetarian Jeremy Corbyn presenting an award for the best kebab, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Thursday 5th March 2020. The Government has been accused of withholding information about the spread of Coronavirus after a 70 per cent increase in confirmed cases prompted health chiefs to stop providing daily updates on the location of new infections. Instead they will be provided on a Friday in a weekly round-up. Thirty six new UK cases were announced yesterday (Wednesday) bringing the grand total to 87 people. A former director at Public Health England said the move to weekly updates should be reconsidered to allow the public to make informed decisions. In related news, the Government is putting in place contingency plans, should the virus outbreak become widespread, to close Parliament for up to three months to stop 650 potential "super spreaders". Which gives Th

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020. A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it. But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people&#

Meghan and Harry "grin in the rain" and the Kimono-wearing fox killer

FROM Meghan and Harry making their first appearance in the UK together since Megxit, to the kimono-wearing fox killer who appears to have been cleared of all crimes, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Friday 6th March 2020. Yes that's right, This Reporter is declaring this particular news gathering outlet a Coronavirus free zone as we kick off today's headlines with the news Meghan and Harry, otherwise known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have returned to the UK and had their photograph taken together, under an umbrella, in the rain. The couple were in town - London specifically - as they wind up their official duties before bowing out of royal life forever, with last night's paparazzi extravaganza related to their attendance at the Endeavour Film awards. With what we can only assume were fixed grins on their faces as they braved the weather, and the fact these moments under the media spotlight, were exactly what they were talking about when

This Reporter's Weekly News Journal - Nudity, Tied Votes and Floods

Monday 1st April 2019 and news-based April Fools gags are indistinguishable from regular reportage. The British are knackered having lost an hours sleep due to the clocks springing forward. None are so "knackered" however as chief government whip Julian Smith who in interview with the BBC said the current Cabinet had shown the "worst example of ill-discipline in the history of British politics" at a time when the person responsible for political discipline, is him. "I'm knackered," he reiterated. "Dealing with colleagues 24/7, sitting around the Cabinet table trying to destabilise the Prime Minister." Elsewhere, Downing Street, the aforementioned PM Theresa May wakes up from a restless night, a single platitude in her head: "oh bother", as she remembers she still hasn't delivered Brexit. Latest from the DUP runs, should Mrs May bring her deal back a thousand times (likely), they will continue to vote against it every time. Me

Mail Bombs, Ross from Friends and the Dr Marten Boots

FROM the suspected bombs sent out to Trump's critics and Ross from Friends in the frame with Blackpool police, to the resurgence of picket line favourite - the Dr Marten boot, welcome to This Reporter's daily news and style round-up. In the words of many a newspaper columnist, "the rhetoric became real" yesterday (Wednesday) as it emerged suspected explosives had been sent to a host of prominent Donald Trump critics including former President Barack Obama and Democrat presidential nominee Hilary Clinton. The "bombs" were intercepted by the US Secret Service. On the same day the CNN studios in New York were evacuated after a "live explosive device" was found in its mail room. New York police commissioner James O-Neill said the targets may have been selected due to their opposition to Trump. And Trump's constant rhetoric of violence towards his opponents - including most recently praising the "slam-dunking" of a Guardian journalist