Skip to main content

Bum bags, Freddos and the French ads banned for mocking Brexit

In her sporadic style column for the Sunday Times, journalist, author and all-round smasher of a person, Caitlin Moran applauds the return of the 90's "rave accoutrement" - the bum bag.

She exclaims that this new bag trend, which has been updated for the new millennium as a fancy "magic belt" to store all your stuff in, is the perfect antidote to "bag shoulder", the ailment that hits all women in their thirties after years suspending their belongings from a strap across one shoulder.

Ms Moran recounts a potentially made-up, but nonetheless factually correct, conversation with her doctor, who she turns to for some "industrial-strength opiates" to ease the "twingy back" brought on by carrying her bag around in the aforementioned manner - only to be told that one of her shoulders is three inches higher than the other.

The doctor informs her that actually despite the fact she is a woman, she has not been provided with special "handbag shoulder strength" and that, flying in the face of everything we have ever been told about anything, a handbag can be bad for a woman.

Ms Moran is advised to get a rucksack to spread the load more evenly, however, Ms Moran quite  rightly points out, we now have another load spreading option - the bum bag.

This reporter concurs. This new/old trend has just the edge over the rucksack, which we know is coming for all of us just like face framing layers, comfy shoes, and boot leg trousers. But there is something more comforting, more secure, about carrying all your belongings around on your middle, like having a pouch to carry your Joey in.

There are two potential bum bags here - the Isabel Marant Noomi metallic shell belt bag is your old-school, traditional bum bag or alternatively there is the See by Chloe Kriss embellished leather belt bag which is your more modern take.

This reporter can gleefully report that Freddo bars are cheaper again. Following outrage from consumers that the chocolate treat had risen in price by an astonishing 200 per cent since 2000 - from 10p to 30p - Cadbury has dropped the price, to 25p.

The chocolate makers insist this price drop has not affected the product's ingredients or size. Chocolate fans reached peak outrage for "shrinkage" last year, if you recall, after Toblerone changed beyond all recognition when a new version appeared with far greater space between the triangles. The reduction was blamed on the slump in the value of the pound because of Brexit.

Talking of which, adverts aimed at luring British businesses to France after Brexit have been banned from the London Underground. Transport for London has refused to run any of the posters which come as part of a French advertising campaign, as they could be perceived to inflame "public controversy or sensitivity". Basically, they poke fun at Brexit.

The posters, made out to look like fake newspaper headlines, urge entrepreneurs worried about the UK's withdrawal from the European Union to "vote with their feet" and come to France instead. The mock newspaper also features a pretend lonely hearts ad, which reads: "Hot entrepreneur wanted...someone allergic to post-Brexit tariffs, legislation and restrictions preferred".

The adverts will still run in national newspapers and on buses (naturally). And who can blame any business for taking up France's offer. With only months left before the Brexit departure date and still no clear business policy set out by the UK government, we can only cheerily wave off any businesses choosing to pack their passports, and a couple of Freddos, into their bum bags and seek their fortune over the Channel.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

All aboard the pizza ferry, headed for absolutely nowhere new

THIS Reporter wishes to express her fathomless thanks to the Westminster crew, none of whom decided to take upon themselves the tired old trope of making new year's resolutions - on off chance a better version of themselves existed - and instead continue in the exact same farcical way they blundered through 2018. Because despite the fact ministers had, in theory, laid their dispatch boxes on beds of tinsel for the duration of Christmastide, there is still much for us to catch up with. First, but by no means foremost, Sajid Javid, Home Secretary - who it has reached This Reporter via the rumour mill likes to call himself "The Saj" - perhaps short for Sergeant but more likely, Sajid - cut short his luxury £1,000-plus a night safari festive break in South Africa to rush back and deal with what he coined a "migrant crisis" but in reality was two brave souls casting out across the Channel in a rubber dinghy. Nevertheless, Javid called for immediate clampdown on th

Meghan and Harry "grin in the rain" and the Kimono-wearing fox killer

FROM Meghan and Harry making their first appearance in the UK together since Megxit, to the kimono-wearing fox killer who appears to have been cleared of all crimes, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Friday 6th March 2020. Yes that's right, This Reporter is declaring this particular news gathering outlet a Coronavirus free zone as we kick off today's headlines with the news Meghan and Harry, otherwise known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have returned to the UK and had their photograph taken together, under an umbrella, in the rain. The couple were in town - London specifically - as they wind up their official duties before bowing out of royal life forever, with last night's paparazzi extravaganza related to their attendance at the Endeavour Film awards. With what we can only assume were fixed grins on their faces as they braved the weather, and the fact these moments under the media spotlight, were exactly what they were talking about when

Part-timer Boris Johnson and IKEA, home to (flat packed) stray dogs

FROM Prime Minister Boris Johnson accused of being a "part-timer", to IKEA Italy taking in stray dogs, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Thursday 27th February 2020. Boris Johnson has been accused of being a "part-time" prime minister by outgoing Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn (not a reference, you understand, to Corbyn's sociability but to the fact his time is nearly up). Chief amongst Mr Corbyn's complaints is Mr Johnson's poor response to the UK flooding. Corbyn argued Mr Johnson had had his "head in the sand" while parts of the UK remained underwater, during Prime Minister's Questions yesterday (Wednesday). He pointed out that whilst Mr Johnson had been eager to visit flooded areas during last year's election campaign, he had failed to visit areas affected by Storms Ciara and Dennis. In his defence, the PM responded that the Government had been "investing massively" in flood defences and he had been kept upda

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020. A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it. But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people&#

Summer Riots, Eskimos and Camping It Up at the MET

THERE will be riots on the streets if the Government continues to roll out its controversial Universal Credit benefits system. That is the warning from former Prime Minister Gordon Brown who predicts a return to poll tax-style chaos and a summer of discontent if Theresa May does not call a halt to the scheme. The Universal Credit system combines six benefits in one and is set for a full national roll out next year, despite countless reports of claimants already on it being plunged into dire financial straits as a result. Mr Brown said: "Surely the greatest burning injustice of all is children having to go to school ill-clad and hungry. It is the poverty of the innocent - of children too young to know they are not to blame". This Reporter comments, it really must be a sign of the times, that Gordon Brown returning as Prime Minister seems a welcome idea. Moving on and President of America, Donald Trump has declared his daughter Ivanka would be "dynamite" as the