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Empire pineapples, ignoring the news and the Zara fringed t-shirt

The pineapple - the symbol of the plunder and prosper of the Great British Empire, the centre piece of the opulent Victorian dinner table, the skewered accessory of the trendy 1980's cocktail party. It's back and its timing is impeccable.

No more the virtuous healthiness of millennial favourite, the avocado. Supermarkets are declaring that sales of the spikier, tongue clackingly sour/sweet pineapple are on the rise and set to mash its rival into a soup.

And this reporter suspects there is something far deeper going on here than a change in preference of fruit. As she suggested in her intro up there, this is without doubt entangled with this country's vision of a glorious Brittas Empire, as we emerge blinking and stumbling from our dark EU incarceration and into a new dawn of sovereignty once again - just as soon as the French have made us our new blue passports.

Oblivious to this change in fruity preference is a wealthy American introduced to this reporter by David Mitchell the comedian over the weekend. Mr Mitchell's column in The Guardian newspaper talked of Erik Hagerman, who declared he has cut himself off completely from all current affairs since the election of Donald Trump as President.

Intriguingly, and rather in contradiction to his stance, former Nike executive Mr Hagerman has been interviewed by the New York Times about his new lifestyle, which involves living on a pig farm, sans pigs, and working on his art. In other spare minutes he plays guitar and goes for coffee, not failing to put on his white noise playing headphones to prevent him accidentally hearing any careless news-related talk.

Mr Hagerman has called his stance on ignoring the news 'the Blockade' which, as Mr Mitchell points out is a little problematic on the basis that this suggests a siege - the stopping of entry to and from a central point by outsiders. What Mr Hagerman is doing is not a siege. Mr Hagerman himself is the central point in the middle, consciously choosing to prevent any incoming information from the outside world.

Mr Mitchell concludes that despite the obvious flaws in execution, Mr Hagerman's decision to ignore the news is an enticing one but recognises it is not one we can all afford, like a dishwasher. In a capitalist society, of which Mr Hagerman is still very much a part - even from behind his blockade - the rich can afford to buy a dishwasher to do their washing up for them, as well as take their eye off the ball that is the Earth.

Mr Mitchell argues, and this reporter concurs, that there is a train of thought which runs, that just because you can afford a dishwasher, you do not have to buy a dishwasher, you could just do the washing up yourself. But that then bleeds back into the assumption we are living in a capitalist free, ideal world.

Fringing, at this point, would be quite useful and there is plenty of it swishing and swaying around in the fashion world, currently. Adorning all things from bags and shoes to dresses and even sunglasses. Vogue magazine gives some very sage advise on the subject in its most recent edition, that this is a trend suitable for absolutely everywhere, except for escalators.

This reporter admits this would not have been a problem the flappers of the 1920's had to deal with. She suggests buying a fringed item where all dingle, dangle bits remain well above knee level, such as this fringed t-shirt from Zara.

Alternatively, do what all the best people do and cut a fringe into your hair. Grow it long into your eyes and draw the curtains over the world.

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