Skip to main content

Backless mules, sleepwalking to Brexit and Meghan Markle does a bolt

Let's all sing together (to the tune of the Batman theme song) - Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, BREXIT.

What could we possibly be talking about today? Yes that's right, spring footwear (or are we?!) Vogue magazine declares it's time to think about decking our feet out for the transition - the seasonal one rather than the Brexit one (there has been no official fashion advise on what to wear for that yet). And it's all about shoes with their backs cut off them - or as regular folk call them, backless mules.

The shoes we are supposed to slip our feet into with ease and feel the warm breeze around our heels, in the manner of summer, but keep our toes tucked away all toasty, a la winter. There's a problem with this slip on style of shoe though isn't there?

The inherent risk that you may be quite happily sauntering down the road, only for your whole foot to suddenly kiss the pavement and you realise that one shoe has mysteriously vacated your foot and skidded some way further up the path ahead.

Under normal circumstances this is an aggravation but not sartorially terrible. It is quite easy to retrieve it and slip it back on. It's when there are people about who have witnessed your shoe doing a bunk that the trouble begins. It's quite difficult to style out shoe retrieval in front of an audience, this reporter finds.

Anyhoo, on to Brexit. The absolute latest is that Parliament has somehow managed to only pass around seven out of the five million or so pieces of Brexit legislation it needs to, to ensure we are ready to wave off Europe at the White Cliffs of Dover in less than a year's time.

Obviously these figures aren't completely accurate but this reporter can guarantee are spot on percentage wise. And as we saw only yesterday (Wednesday) when the government's wish to pull out of the customs union was trounced by the House of Lords, there is very good reason why MP's don't want to get the paper work done.

Whilst this may be a shocking suggestion - so this reporter is absolutely going to suggest it - but don't you think that people have perhaps lost interest in Brexit? Not just our 'fine and noble leaders' but even those staunch Brexit supporters who would have done their finest deranged horse ready to charge impression - all wide-eyed, frothy mouthed and stamp hoofed - if you so much as suggested they may be backing the wrong side, can't be bothered with the hassle of it anymore.

Better things have come along like Syrian air strikes, the poisoning of Russian spies and Beyonce's headline performance at Coachella.

This reporter finds herself in agreement with Guardian columnist Rafael Behr that whilst the metronomic chant of the referendum being the "will of the people" will get us someway to ensuring Brexit will happen regardless, the other part will come from the fact everyone is now sleepwalking their way towards it.

And whilst it couldn't be any more apparent that we should be ditching the idea altogether, the venue has been booked, the dress is made, the hen and stag dos have gone off in a swill of lager and Bacardi and so the bride and groom feel obliged to go ahead with it, not wishing to inconvenience everybody else or make all this planning a complete waste of time.

Talking of which, feminist harridan Germaine Greer has given her thoughts on the impending Royal Wedding and her conclusion is Meghan Markle is going to do a bolt. Not before her marriage to Prince Harry but at some point after when she realises just how boring it is to be part of 'the firm'.

The strength of Meghan and Harry's love will determine whether Harry bolts with her, Germaine surmises. "Well Meghan has been divorced before" she adds, giving considerable weight to the solo bolt.

It's certainly a possibility that Meghan could have been so caught up in the romance of marrying her Prince Charming that she hasn't factored in just how dull her life will be posing for royal photographs, churning out babies and keeping schtum.

But there is also the chance Meghan will succeed where Kate Middleton has failed before her and shake the royal family up a little. This reporter feels Germaine should at least give her a chance, whilst secretly relishing, purely journalistically of course, the idea of Meghan and Harry doing a bolt together.

And on the basis there is bolting to be done, this reporter suggests Meghan doesn't go for the backless mule this spring/summer but this Miu Miu version instead, which can be firmly strapped on. This reporter suggests we all get a pair. (And yes she is talking about Brexit).

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Government accused of Coronavirus cover-up and Veggie Corbyn booed at kebab awards

FROM the UK Government announcing it will only release Coronavirus data weekly, to vegetarian Jeremy Corbyn presenting an award for the best kebab, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Thursday 5th March 2020. The Government has been accused of withholding information about the spread of Coronavirus after a 70 per cent increase in confirmed cases prompted health chiefs to stop providing daily updates on the location of new infections. Instead they will be provided on a Friday in a weekly round-up. Thirty six new UK cases were announced yesterday (Wednesday) bringing the grand total to 87 people. A former director at Public Health England said the move to weekly updates should be reconsidered to allow the public to make informed decisions. In related news, the Government is putting in place contingency plans, should the virus outbreak become widespread, to close Parliament for up to three months to stop 650 potential "super spreaders". Which gives Th

The inside scoop on Meghan and Harry's wedding - all the action before it's even happened

Fantastic news. We have all been invited to a wedding, and not just any old wedding but the royal wedding of the year (sorry Princess Eugenie) between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. This is what the big day - 19th May, if you still need to jot it down in your filofax - will look like. The girls will all get ready at Meghan's house, taking it in turns to marvel at her dress, by an avant garde British designer we will all pretend we have heard of. We will watch back-to-back episodes of Suits, quaffing glasses of Kombucha, so we can exclaim over how far she has come, all the while trying to reassure Kate Middleton we cannot see the baby sick down her brand new pleat detail dress  from Reiss. (We can). The boys will meanwhile be round Harry's gaff, stuffing themselves on venison burgers and Kettle Chips, before stripping down for a last game of naked snooker - for old time's sake. Reminiscing about ill-advised fancy dress costumes, past girlfriends with posh, fancy names

Theresa May's girls' night in and ice-cream flavoured plimsoles

The fashion world is in a two-and-eight. It has inconceivably come up with a trend which is the complete antithesis of everything it stands for - ice-cream. Let's be honest, no one in the fashion industry has eaten since 1997, subsisting on fresh air and the occasional whiff of Lancome watermelon Juicy Tube (because they're back). Never mind the veritable Pandora's box of worms the issue rears up for the lactose intolerant, and the vegans, who have risen up like a Samuria army since the clock struck midnight on first of January. But fear not, this ice-cream trend is nothing to do with consuming delicious frozen cream (sadly). Instead it is about the chosen pastel colour palette for this spring, leading on to summer 2018. Melting their way down runways there have been strawberry ice-cream coloured jackets from Celine, Acne Studios have offered up pistachio co-ords, Chanel have served us vanilla wafer coloured suits. There have been blueberry swirl skirts at Versace and

"Summer dreams ripped at the seams" - The day we should have Brexit

TODAY - Friday 29th March - was to have been The Day -  the day we Brexited from the European Union. If all had gone according to - if there had actually been a - plan. Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg were scheduled to be there at Dover cliff edge, gardening shears at the ready, to ceremoniously sever, together, all ties with our continental neighbours. In manner of some warped version of the bride and bridegroom cutting into their first slice of wedding cake. Former fireplace salesman, turned Defence Secretary, Gavin Williamson would have led the military salute as Salvation Army brass bands from across the country, on pain of death, led a rousing rendition of "Jerusalem", followed by a blast of the Grease Megamix. That's the news of what didn't pan out this week, so what actually did happen? We heard Nigel Farage compared to Blackadder's Field Marshall Haig when Guy Verhofstadt questioned why he was sat in European Parliament and not out on the 200 mile Mar

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020. A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it. But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people&#