Skip to main content

Backless mules, sleepwalking to Brexit and Meghan Markle does a bolt

Let's all sing together (to the tune of the Batman theme song) - Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, BREXIT.

What could we possibly be talking about today? Yes that's right, spring footwear (or are we?!) Vogue magazine declares it's time to think about decking our feet out for the transition - the seasonal one rather than the Brexit one (there has been no official fashion advise on what to wear for that yet). And it's all about shoes with their backs cut off them - or as regular folk call them, backless mules.

The shoes we are supposed to slip our feet into with ease and feel the warm breeze around our heels, in the manner of summer, but keep our toes tucked away all toasty, a la winter. There's a problem with this slip on style of shoe though isn't there?

The inherent risk that you may be quite happily sauntering down the road, only for your whole foot to suddenly kiss the pavement and you realise that one shoe has mysteriously vacated your foot and skidded some way further up the path ahead.

Under normal circumstances this is an aggravation but not sartorially terrible. It is quite easy to retrieve it and slip it back on. It's when there are people about who have witnessed your shoe doing a bunk that the trouble begins. It's quite difficult to style out shoe retrieval in front of an audience, this reporter finds.

Anyhoo, on to Brexit. The absolute latest is that Parliament has somehow managed to only pass around seven out of the five million or so pieces of Brexit legislation it needs to, to ensure we are ready to wave off Europe at the White Cliffs of Dover in less than a year's time.

Obviously these figures aren't completely accurate but this reporter can guarantee are spot on percentage wise. And as we saw only yesterday (Wednesday) when the government's wish to pull out of the customs union was trounced by the House of Lords, there is very good reason why MP's don't want to get the paper work done.

Whilst this may be a shocking suggestion - so this reporter is absolutely going to suggest it - but don't you think that people have perhaps lost interest in Brexit? Not just our 'fine and noble leaders' but even those staunch Brexit supporters who would have done their finest deranged horse ready to charge impression - all wide-eyed, frothy mouthed and stamp hoofed - if you so much as suggested they may be backing the wrong side, can't be bothered with the hassle of it anymore.

Better things have come along like Syrian air strikes, the poisoning of Russian spies and Beyonce's headline performance at Coachella.

This reporter finds herself in agreement with Guardian columnist Rafael Behr that whilst the metronomic chant of the referendum being the "will of the people" will get us someway to ensuring Brexit will happen regardless, the other part will come from the fact everyone is now sleepwalking their way towards it.

And whilst it couldn't be any more apparent that we should be ditching the idea altogether, the venue has been booked, the dress is made, the hen and stag dos have gone off in a swill of lager and Bacardi and so the bride and groom feel obliged to go ahead with it, not wishing to inconvenience everybody else or make all this planning a complete waste of time.

Talking of which, feminist harridan Germaine Greer has given her thoughts on the impending Royal Wedding and her conclusion is Meghan Markle is going to do a bolt. Not before her marriage to Prince Harry but at some point after when she realises just how boring it is to be part of 'the firm'.

The strength of Meghan and Harry's love will determine whether Harry bolts with her, Germaine surmises. "Well Meghan has been divorced before" she adds, giving considerable weight to the solo bolt.

It's certainly a possibility that Meghan could have been so caught up in the romance of marrying her Prince Charming that she hasn't factored in just how dull her life will be posing for royal photographs, churning out babies and keeping schtum.

But there is also the chance Meghan will succeed where Kate Middleton has failed before her and shake the royal family up a little. This reporter feels Germaine should at least give her a chance, whilst secretly relishing, purely journalistically of course, the idea of Meghan and Harry doing a bolt together.

And on the basis there is bolting to be done, this reporter suggests Meghan doesn't go for the backless mule this spring/summer but this Miu Miu version instead, which can be firmly strapped on. This reporter suggests we all get a pair. (And yes she is talking about Brexit).

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

All aboard the pizza ferry, headed for absolutely nowhere new

THIS Reporter wishes to express her fathomless thanks to the Westminster crew, none of whom decided to take upon themselves the tired old trope of making new year's resolutions - on off chance a better version of themselves existed - and instead continue in the exact same farcical way they blundered through 2018. Because despite the fact ministers had, in theory, laid their dispatch boxes on beds of tinsel for the duration of Christmastide, there is still much for us to catch up with. First, but by no means foremost, Sajid Javid, Home Secretary - who it has reached This Reporter via the rumour mill likes to call himself "The Saj" - perhaps short for Sergeant but more likely, Sajid - cut short his luxury £1,000-plus a night safari festive break in South Africa to rush back and deal with what he coined a "migrant crisis" but in reality was two brave souls casting out across the Channel in a rubber dinghy. Nevertheless, Javid called for immediate clampdown on th

Meghan and Harry "grin in the rain" and the Kimono-wearing fox killer

FROM Meghan and Harry making their first appearance in the UK together since Megxit, to the kimono-wearing fox killer who appears to have been cleared of all crimes, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Friday 6th March 2020. Yes that's right, This Reporter is declaring this particular news gathering outlet a Coronavirus free zone as we kick off today's headlines with the news Meghan and Harry, otherwise known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have returned to the UK and had their photograph taken together, under an umbrella, in the rain. The couple were in town - London specifically - as they wind up their official duties before bowing out of royal life forever, with last night's paparazzi extravaganza related to their attendance at the Endeavour Film awards. With what we can only assume were fixed grins on their faces as they braved the weather, and the fact these moments under the media spotlight, were exactly what they were talking about when

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020. A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it. But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people&#

Netflix glances, America's first ladies united and the Burberry graffiti skirt

"Am I pointing it the right way?" will be the constant refrain at film studios now Netflix has introduced a 'five second rule' on set to stamp out sexual harassment post-#MeToo. In complete contravention of this new rule, let's take a closer look... Netflix, the streaming devise, has introduced a whole raft of anti-harassment measures in wake of the #MeToo social media uprising against the likes of film producer Harvey Weinstein. These include not looking at anyone for longer than five seconds, no lingering hugs, no flirting and no asking for a colleagues phone number. Also any 'unwanted' behaviour should be reported immediately. An on-set runner, speaking to the media, said: "It has sparked jokes with people looking at each other and counting to five, then diverting their eyes." There is of course the worry about how actors will ever 'get it together' and thus fill our gossip pages. But this reporter is first and foremost concern

BAFTAs, Alabama, "Four Ovens" and Jeremy Kyle

FROM "Killing Eve" cleaning up at the BAFTAs and the rise of Nigel Farage's half-baked Brexit Party, to the trash found at the depths of the ocean which, according to some reports has Jeremy Kyle living under it, to "Four Ovens" MP James Brokenshire, if this week was a grossly out-dated, misogynistic trope, it would be a domestic goddess. All complaints please back date to 1957, where you'll find the Senate of Alabama mulling over their next Gilead-inspired motion. Welcome to This Reporter's Weekly News Journal. Monday 13th May and   get your glad rags on - or not (we'll get to that in a moment) - because our first stop is the BAFTAs where "Killing Eve" cleaned up on the night like any good assassin would, scooping awards for best drama series, best actress and best supporting actress. This was despite chat over whether the programme should have been included in the awards night at all. Some bother about it being screened over in America