Skip to main content

Backless mules, sleepwalking to Brexit and Meghan Markle does a bolt

Let's all sing together (to the tune of the Batman theme song) - Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, BREXIT.

What could we possibly be talking about today? Yes that's right, spring footwear (or are we?!) Vogue magazine declares it's time to think about decking our feet out for the transition - the seasonal one rather than the Brexit one (there has been no official fashion advise on what to wear for that yet). And it's all about shoes with their backs cut off them - or as regular folk call them, backless mules.

The shoes we are supposed to slip our feet into with ease and feel the warm breeze around our heels, in the manner of summer, but keep our toes tucked away all toasty, a la winter. There's a problem with this slip on style of shoe though isn't there?

The inherent risk that you may be quite happily sauntering down the road, only for your whole foot to suddenly kiss the pavement and you realise that one shoe has mysteriously vacated your foot and skidded some way further up the path ahead.

Under normal circumstances this is an aggravation but not sartorially terrible. It is quite easy to retrieve it and slip it back on. It's when there are people about who have witnessed your shoe doing a bunk that the trouble begins. It's quite difficult to style out shoe retrieval in front of an audience, this reporter finds.

Anyhoo, on to Brexit. The absolute latest is that Parliament has somehow managed to only pass around seven out of the five million or so pieces of Brexit legislation it needs to, to ensure we are ready to wave off Europe at the White Cliffs of Dover in less than a year's time.

Obviously these figures aren't completely accurate but this reporter can guarantee are spot on percentage wise. And as we saw only yesterday (Wednesday) when the government's wish to pull out of the customs union was trounced by the House of Lords, there is very good reason why MP's don't want to get the paper work done.

Whilst this may be a shocking suggestion - so this reporter is absolutely going to suggest it - but don't you think that people have perhaps lost interest in Brexit? Not just our 'fine and noble leaders' but even those staunch Brexit supporters who would have done their finest deranged horse ready to charge impression - all wide-eyed, frothy mouthed and stamp hoofed - if you so much as suggested they may be backing the wrong side, can't be bothered with the hassle of it anymore.

Better things have come along like Syrian air strikes, the poisoning of Russian spies and Beyonce's headline performance at Coachella.

This reporter finds herself in agreement with Guardian columnist Rafael Behr that whilst the metronomic chant of the referendum being the "will of the people" will get us someway to ensuring Brexit will happen regardless, the other part will come from the fact everyone is now sleepwalking their way towards it.

And whilst it couldn't be any more apparent that we should be ditching the idea altogether, the venue has been booked, the dress is made, the hen and stag dos have gone off in a swill of lager and Bacardi and so the bride and groom feel obliged to go ahead with it, not wishing to inconvenience everybody else or make all this planning a complete waste of time.

Talking of which, feminist harridan Germaine Greer has given her thoughts on the impending Royal Wedding and her conclusion is Meghan Markle is going to do a bolt. Not before her marriage to Prince Harry but at some point after when she realises just how boring it is to be part of 'the firm'.

The strength of Meghan and Harry's love will determine whether Harry bolts with her, Germaine surmises. "Well Meghan has been divorced before" she adds, giving considerable weight to the solo bolt.

It's certainly a possibility that Meghan could have been so caught up in the romance of marrying her Prince Charming that she hasn't factored in just how dull her life will be posing for royal photographs, churning out babies and keeping schtum.

But there is also the chance Meghan will succeed where Kate Middleton has failed before her and shake the royal family up a little. This reporter feels Germaine should at least give her a chance, whilst secretly relishing, purely journalistically of course, the idea of Meghan and Harry doing a bolt together.

And on the basis there is bolting to be done, this reporter suggests Meghan doesn't go for the backless mule this spring/summer but this Miu Miu version instead, which can be firmly strapped on. This reporter suggests we all get a pair. (And yes she is talking about Brexit).

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Stranded in Brexit Britain - A Taco Sauce Survival Tale

WITH three weeks to go and about as much readiness as you can fit into a Borrower's knapsack, the pressing question remains, who is going to stop Brexit? The obvious candidate, not to go all Rees-Mogg on you, is the Queen. Who in theory, if not in practise, has the power and from previous allusions, thinks Brexit a load of piffle.
Failing the Queen, who let's face it has her hands full as a member of the sandwich generation - wrangling the car keys out of Prince Philip's mitts on the one hand and helping Meghan practise for her hypno-birth, on the other. If the Queen is not available there are "dupes" for her.
Victoria Beckham is to deliver a Queen's Speech on "Christmas Day" in March to launch her YouTube channel, on basis these speeches are "quite popular" and as we are constantly reminded by those around her, Mrs Beckham is witty and self-deprecating. Highlights will include her rallying cry to get people to subscribe to her channel: &q…

Corbyn's Phoney People's Vote, Pot Shots and Gigantic Bows

FROM Corbyn's phoney call for a People's Vote and the cliffhanger pot shot video tape, to the Roksanda blouse with the enormous bows, welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up.

Cadbury can only be a sugar rush away from filing a trademark infringement against the British government (to wit - the "Crunchie") as the political world of farcical doom entered yet another of its relentless crunch weeks. Providing, of course, the Crunchie bar was packed from first bite instead of with honeycomb, space dust, and instead of with space dust, TNT and instead of with TNT, nuclear active garbage just 29 days away from detonate, because that's about where we are with Brexit.
Prime Minister Theresa May is under the mistaken impression that the best way to avoid cataclysmic disaster is to dodge it. Colloquially known as "the swerve". As that is exactly what she has done over the meaningful vote - part numero deux - on her deal, which was due to take…

Bercow Bans Brexit Vote 3, Tram Shooting and the Tortoise Illusion Cake

FROM John Bercow banning a third Brexit vote and another suspected terrorist attack - this time on a tram in Utrecht - to the ultimate in tortoise illusion cakes (spoiler alert: it wasn't a cake) welcome to This Reporter's daily news round-up.

Some have called it a massive spanner in the works, others a "constitutional crisis", whilst those more scholarly types have plumped for "Erskine Mayhem". Either way we are all talking about Common's Speaker John Bercow making the "shock" announcement yesterday (Monday) he was banning Prime Minister Theresa May from putting her Brexit deal before Parliament for meaningful vote a third time, unless it underwent substantial changes.
What Mr Bercow appears to have done is got the PM on an historical technicality. Quoting from the guide to parliamentary procedure, Erskine May (no relation to our leader) he said the Commons could not be "repeatedly asked to pronounce" on the same question.
Inevitabl…

Brexit Crisis, Boris "Spaffed" Johnson and Prince Charles' Beach Bod

FROM MPs' dawning revelation that yes, Brexit is in crisis and Boris Johnson's leadership bid "spaffed up a wall", to Prince Charles' "impressive" beach bod, welcome to This Reporter's daily news round-up.

"It's like the last days of Rome". A direct quote there, which shows at long last MPs have cottoned on to what the rest of the country/Europe/the world could have told them months and months (and months) ago -  Brexit is at crisis point.
Prime Minister Theresa May herself admitted that things were not going quite according to plan yesterday (Tuesday) and, to be frank, exiting the European Union on 29th March (next week) probably wasn't going to happen.
But instead of taking some form of useful action to try and sort this crisis out, she has decided to make a move which will only takes things from shockingly bad to unfathomably worse. This Reporter refers to Mrs May writing to EU Chief Michael Barnier to request only a short exten…

Brexit: Where's Barbara Cartland's magic acorn when you need it?

THERE are no words - quite the technical hitch when it comes to writing - to do justice to the single greatest political calamity of our generation. This Reporter considered instead using expressionist art or shadow puppetry. She would make a concerted effort at it for five minutes before setting fire to the whole damn lot - as symbolism.
As alternative, let's start with the bare-boned facts of the matter. Prime Minister Theresa May lost her second meaningful vote on her Brexit deal in Parliament on Tuesday night by a stonking 391 votes to 242. Not the complete annihilation of meaningless vote part numero one, but still an almost unprecedented disaster.
David Cameron, tracked down at his lair, said: "I don't understand why MPs who have always wanted Brexit keep voting against it". Well David, sometimes people do the most unfathomable of things don't they. But back to the facts.
Mrs May's promise of votes on No Deal and Article 50 extension are coming up next.…