Skip to main content

Backless mules, sleepwalking to Brexit and Meghan Markle does a bolt

Let's all sing together (to the tune of the Batman theme song) - Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, BREXIT.

What could we possibly be talking about today? Yes that's right, spring footwear (or are we?!) Vogue magazine declares it's time to think about decking our feet out for the transition - the seasonal one rather than the Brexit one (there has been no official fashion advise on what to wear for that yet). And it's all about shoes with their backs cut off them - or as regular folk call them, backless mules.

The shoes we are supposed to slip our feet into with ease and feel the warm breeze around our heels, in the manner of summer, but keep our toes tucked away all toasty, a la winter. There's a problem with this slip on style of shoe though isn't there?

The inherent risk that you may be quite happily sauntering down the road, only for your whole foot to suddenly kiss the pavement and you realise that one shoe has mysteriously vacated your foot and skidded some way further up the path ahead.

Under normal circumstances this is an aggravation but not sartorially terrible. It is quite easy to retrieve it and slip it back on. It's when there are people about who have witnessed your shoe doing a bunk that the trouble begins. It's quite difficult to style out shoe retrieval in front of an audience, this reporter finds.

Anyhoo, on to Brexit. The absolute latest is that Parliament has somehow managed to only pass around seven out of the five million or so pieces of Brexit legislation it needs to, to ensure we are ready to wave off Europe at the White Cliffs of Dover in less than a year's time.

Obviously these figures aren't completely accurate but this reporter can guarantee are spot on percentage wise. And as we saw only yesterday (Wednesday) when the government's wish to pull out of the customs union was trounced by the House of Lords, there is very good reason why MP's don't want to get the paper work done.

Whilst this may be a shocking suggestion - so this reporter is absolutely going to suggest it - but don't you think that people have perhaps lost interest in Brexit? Not just our 'fine and noble leaders' but even those staunch Brexit supporters who would have done their finest deranged horse ready to charge impression - all wide-eyed, frothy mouthed and stamp hoofed - if you so much as suggested they may be backing the wrong side, can't be bothered with the hassle of it anymore.

Better things have come along like Syrian air strikes, the poisoning of Russian spies and Beyonce's headline performance at Coachella.

This reporter finds herself in agreement with Guardian columnist Rafael Behr that whilst the metronomic chant of the referendum being the "will of the people" will get us someway to ensuring Brexit will happen regardless, the other part will come from the fact everyone is now sleepwalking their way towards it.

And whilst it couldn't be any more apparent that we should be ditching the idea altogether, the venue has been booked, the dress is made, the hen and stag dos have gone off in a swill of lager and Bacardi and so the bride and groom feel obliged to go ahead with it, not wishing to inconvenience everybody else or make all this planning a complete waste of time.

Talking of which, feminist harridan Germaine Greer has given her thoughts on the impending Royal Wedding and her conclusion is Meghan Markle is going to do a bolt. Not before her marriage to Prince Harry but at some point after when she realises just how boring it is to be part of 'the firm'.

The strength of Meghan and Harry's love will determine whether Harry bolts with her, Germaine surmises. "Well Meghan has been divorced before" she adds, giving considerable weight to the solo bolt.

It's certainly a possibility that Meghan could have been so caught up in the romance of marrying her Prince Charming that she hasn't factored in just how dull her life will be posing for royal photographs, churning out babies and keeping schtum.

But there is also the chance Meghan will succeed where Kate Middleton has failed before her and shake the royal family up a little. This reporter feels Germaine should at least give her a chance, whilst secretly relishing, purely journalistically of course, the idea of Meghan and Harry doing a bolt together.

And on the basis there is bolting to be done, this reporter suggests Meghan doesn't go for the backless mule this spring/summer but this Miu Miu version instead, which can be firmly strapped on. This reporter suggests we all get a pair. (And yes she is talking about Brexit).

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Boris Disaggregates the Barney and Rylan Jostles for PM

WELCOME to This Reporter's weekly news round-up and this week there has been a concerted effort on This Reporter's part, not to discuss either Boris Johnson or the Tory leadership contest more generally. Let's see how that pans out.

Monday 24th June and Jeremy Hunt is leading the call for his Tory leadership rival Boris Johnson to come clean about the incident with his girlfriend at her London flat on Friday evening. Cabinet ministers, backbenchers and major party donors, not to mention the public, are all expecting Johnson to give some kind of explanation after police were called out by concerned neighbours who heard his girlfriend Carrie Symonds screaming "get off me" and "get out of my flat", accompanied by the sounds of slamming doors and smashing glasses.
Mr Hunt said Mr Johnson needed to show "he can answer difficult questions", before accusing him of appearing willing to "slink through the back door" of No 10 by "pathetica…

Neil Fromage, Scrapping the Sin Tax and Fantastic Arctic Fox

Monday 1st July and Labour is calling for an investigation into an anonymous leak to the Times newspaper that Jeremy Corbyn was too frail to be PM. Corbyn's team have refuted the allegation their leader is not "firing on all cylinders", with a spokesperson elaborating: "Jeremy Corbyn is as fit as a fiddle - people 20 years younger struggle to keep up with him". The leak is believed to have come from civil servants who have been accused of undermining democracy.
Tory PM wannabe Jeremy Hunt meanwhile has said he was prepared to look family businesses in the eye and say their sacrifice was worth it, should they go bust as a result of no deal Brexit. These words came as he insisted a no deal would be necessary, if a deal could not be struck by October, to show the world the UK listened to its people.
Accompanied by the sounds of a whale chorus, TV naturalist David Attenborough made a surprise appearance on stage at Glastonbury to thank the crowds for making the fes…

Slugs and snails and puppy-dogs' tails - How we made Boris Johnson

"Beware those men, the jokers and the tricksters and the clowns. They will laugh us into hell" - Years and Years

Monday 17th June and the PM hopefuls took part in a televised debate on Channel 4 on Sunday evening. With the principle objective for Jeremy Hunt, Sajid Javid, Dominic Raab, Michael Gove, and Rory Stewart being, trying to prove more charismatic and interesting than an empty chair, as shoe-in Boris Johnson failed to turn up. It took until after the ad break for Mr Hunt to address the situation, saying: "I just want to say, where is Boris?" Whilst Rory Stewart, speaking of the leadership contest, gave us the profound: "It reminds me...I was trying to cram a whole series of rubbish bags into the...rubbish bin. And my wife said 'you're never going to get those three huge bags of rubbish in'. And I was tempted, like Michael, like Dominic, to say "believe in the bin! Believe in Britain! Right? It's nonsense", and the conspiratoria…

"Wacky Ambassador", #AbolishEton and Snowball the Dancing Cockatoo

Monday 8th July and incoming Prime Minister Boris Johnson has jabbed his whetted finger into the air, like a reverse dipstick, to test the latest mood swing of the nation and decreed this week he would best serve himself by backing a no deal Brexit. So here he goes saying he is going to make Britain "match fit" for a no deal departure "come what may", continuing, he was fed up with people claiming it cannot be done. "I have had enough of being told that we cannot do it - that the sixth biggest economy in the world is not strong enough to run itself and go forward in the world".
Over the weekend more than 30 Tories mumbled, in main part, anonymously, that they would block a no deal Brexit, should it be forced through Parliament. Rory Stewart, who became approximately two-eighths living legend for his earlier show in the PM leadership contest, for truth-saying, has gone a little off method with this more revolutionary idea. He declared he would organise an …

Rudd's resignation, Trump's visit and Kat Von D's indestructible eyeliner

You better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout. I'm telling you why. Donald Trump is coming to town.

More about that later. First, some serious news. (This reporter puts on her most sensible of news reading glasses). The Guardian reports today (Monday) that Amber Rudd has "dramatically" resigned as home secretary after "repeatedly struggling to account for her role in the unjust treatment of Windrush generation migrants."

The documenter of our times continues: "The home secretary was forced to step down after a series of revelations in the Guardian over Windrush culminated in a leak on Friday that appeared to show she was aware of targets for removing illegal migrants from Britain.

"The pressure increased late on Sunday afternoon as the Guardian revealed that in a leaked 2017 letter to Theresa May, Rudd had told the Prime Minister of her intention to increase deportations by 10 per cent - seemingly at odds with her recent denials that she w…