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The Queen's birthday bash, Eco Stardust glitter and Mary Berry's misspent youth

"Monday. Took her for a drink on Tuesday. We were making..."

Morning all! It was the Queen's birthday bash at the weekend to mark turning ninety-two-years young this year. This reporter hopes you all had a slice of cake and a mojito to celebrate. Meanwhile her Majesty was enjoying a right old knees up at the Royal Albert Hall where a concert was put on in her honour.

She was regaled with the dulcet tones of Craig David, Kylie Minogue, and Shaggy - of "Boombastic" fame. Followed by what the press has dubbed an "unusual" collaborative performance between Frank Skinner, Ed Balls and Harry Hill of George Formby's "When I'm Cleaning Windows". The official explanation for this moment of insanity is the Queen, as we know, is a huge George Formby fan.

This reporter would like to pose a small questionette at this point, which runs along the lines of, do we really think the Queen enjoyed it? Being serenaded by a former Labour MP on a ukulele? She's going out on a limb here, but this reporter is thinking, no.

Wearing glitter on your face is well and truly back in vogue again now the glitter factories have come up with an eco-friendly, biodegradable version. Radio One DJ, and now Guardian fashion columnist, Gemma Cairney, has been singing the praises of eco glitter this week.

In a tale this reporter is sure we can all relate to, Gemma recounts how she looked up to the sky and saw the "twinkling sporadic beams of sunlight" and concluded "to hell with 'chic', to hell with the 'more grown-up'...I'm ready for glitter again".

Eco Stardust makes biodegradable glitter in a whole array of colours. Attach it to eyelids and cheekbones with copious amounts of Vaseline.

Back on earth, Queen of cakes, Mary Berry has revealed that in her 'youth' she was once arrested at an airport on suspicion of drug smuggling. She was even fiesty enough to give security a little bit of back chat, which this reporter believes Mary was lucky didn't see her shut straight in the slammer.

Mary explained, whilst talking on the Graham Norton Show, that 25 years ago she was going to America to do some cookery demonstrations and, worried that there might be problems transporting her ingredients, she decided to weigh them all out - the flour and sugar - and put them into small plastic bags. (We can see where this is going can't we).

When Bezza got to the airport, she said, the sniffer dogs were straight on her and before she knew it she was surrounded by uniformed people and put in a cell. Now here comes the clincher. When security asked Mary if she was going to make any money from her 'haul' she told them; "I do and my fee has already been agreed". As it turns out, Mary didn't end up serving time for possession with intent to supply, unless we are referring to her Victoria sponge cake.

Not to be outdone by her Bake-Off co-star Paul Hollywood who, sorry to remind you all, has been forefront of the Daily Mail's news for his relationship with 22-year-old Summer Monteys-Fullam - the one who likes to call him 'cake, cake'  because he famously bakes... bread - Prue Leith has been making the headlines by talking about her saucy exploits abroad - sort of.

The 78-year-old has recounted how she and her husband like to take their vacation to Gambia, South Africa, but its sunny shores have turned into something of a "real-life Tinder dream for geriatrics".

She says she only had to stroll along the beach without her husband to be approached by a stranger of the opposite sex offering to be, what she rather coyly refers to as, her 'friend'. Prue adds the beaches are awash with elderly white European women happily strolling along hand in hand with beautiful young Gambian men.

Hang on a moment. There appears to be something of a ruckus going on in the corner. Oh it's just Mary Berry, Prue Leith and her Majesty covered head to toe in eco-glitter, glasses of sherry held aloft, toasting in Old Bess's birthday. Next stop Glastonbury - with a pit stop in Gambia no doubt.

"...love by Wednesday. And on Thursday and Friday and Saturday. We chilled on Sunday".




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