Skip to main content

Hawaiian shirts, "gammons" and the crack at the Home Office

Aloha. You find this reporter lying back on a sun lounger, pina colada in hand, to announce the latest fashion trend for men, the Hawaiian shirt.

Formally the mainstay of the 'zany dad' and Tom Selleck as Magnum PI, the Hawaiian shirt looks ready to bedeck the most trendy of backs - and fronts - across the fashion hemisphere this summer, with Prada leading the charge. The most desirable of fashion houses has launched an exclusive collection of Hawaiian shirts for Mr Porter, the male arm of Net-a-Porter.

And the feeling on the street is, Britain's most fashionable men are ready to embrace something a little more vivacious and adventurous this season. The 'fun' trend is already rolling out to the high street with All Saints stocking their own versions. Back at the high end, Stella McCartney and Burberry have designed their own bold printed shirts with 'jolly motifs'.

Just don't get too complacent over this new fashion staple and pair it with loose fitting beach-ready shorts. The style pack will be wearing theirs with wide-cut navy 'slacks' or turned up jeans and chunky sandals.

The crucial question is, will the "gammons" be adopting the Hawaiian shirt trend? Yes, the gammons. A term like "snowflake" and "woke", which has sneaked into our lexicon over the last few months like a stealth bomber, only to explode over the internet this week.

To the oblivious, and boy does this reporter envy you, "gammon" does not refer to the meat commonly served with pineapple rings at the local Harvester restaurant. No "gammon" is the word now used to lump-term angry, red-faced, Brexit-voting, right-leaning, white men over 50.

Many are to be found running our country. Others are to be found arguing the toss on Question Time, usually with frequent references to "the will of the people".

Despite the fact the penny of recognition has dropped with pretty much everyone - this reporter is assuming - we are been brutally told off by the internet for using "gammon" because - and here's a humdinger - it's racist.

Racist on the basis it refers to a skin colour and according to one mecca of all things reasonable on Twitter, is akin to calling a black person a raisin.

Comedian Kathy Burke came up with the best solution on social media (and I have doctored the end part heavily for politeness) "if people don't like the term gammon then we'll just go back to calling them c***s".

Meanwhile yet another Brexit super group has launched to save us from our own self-inflicted destruction in the form of David Miliband, Nicky Morgan and Nick Clegg. In the manner of X Factor back in the day when Simon Cowell intervened and put the likes of solo rejects Harry Styles and Zayn Malik into a band called One Direction (because he didn't think they were strong enough to go it alone) Miliband, Morgan and Clegg - who have all individually suffered their own forms of rejection - are hoping together they will be the super force that saves us from the government's own brand of Brexit.

Meeting at a Tilda rice factory of all places, which we are assured has hidden meaning as a British company facing 'devastation' when we exit the European Union, the political trio stated the British people are being "held to ransom" by vocal Brexiteers, as well as being treated as the guinea pigs of a trade policy which no one can be sure will pan out well for either businesses or our country. On a practical level they will be aiming to push through all the amendments to the EU withdrawal bill when it returns to parliament.

Well it certainly worked well for One Direction for a time, until it emerged Harry Styles was fit to go it alone "after all". David Miliband however, has denied he will be returning to politics.

Finally crystal meth has been found down the back of a toilet cistern at the Home Office. Fresh from their scandal over Windrush, it appeared the government department were set to be rocked to the core yet again by this class A revelation - but not so.

Ironically posing with a sniffer dog after his appointment to Home Secretary last month, Sajid Javid pledged he would be tough on drugs but the message appeared to be lost on his own department. It is the third time drugs have been found at the department responsible for overseeing the UK's drug policies, in the last six months.

Scotland Yard was called and announced to the press no suspects had been identified at this time. This reporter suggests looking for the person who has just gone out and purchased this Prada shirt.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Political Vanity and the Topshop Rust Dress

"Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the best reporter of them all?"

"This Reporter is all right, but the best reporter by far is..."

Smash!

Hello and welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up and this week there is a distinct whiff of vanity in the air. From portraits and balloons, to TV shows and Google listings, without further ado - let the egos swell. Just beware the rusty nail.

Readers, This Reporter begins with the sensational news there has been a reason to be proud to be British this week, namely the rendition of Aretha Franklin's "Respect" by the Royal Welsh Guards at Buckingham Palace. The brass band version of the classic hit came as a surprise to passers-by at the changing of the guard and marked the day of the legendary soul singer's funeral in the most eccentric of British ways.

Crashing back down to earth with a bump and Parliament is back this week, with all eyes set on ensuring we make the smoothest and most p…

Carrot Fluff and the Leopard Print Evening Gown

PUBS have this week been told to stop serving "carrot fluff" to their customers and instead go back to good old-fashioned pub grub like bangers and mash. The hefty dollop of criticism came from "The Good Pub Guide" which decreed drinkers were being put off by baffling and pretentious menus.

"We don't want our dishes adorned with carrot fluff, edible sand or fish foam, leave that to the swanky restaurants", the Guide scolded. This Reporter reassures readers they won't find any carrot fluff in this week's news and style round-up. And yes she is using the food stuff as a metaphor. As always there will be plenty of those though, and a leopard print evening gown.

We kick off with the news two Russian military intelligence officers were behind the novichok poisonings in Salisbury -  with more than a suggestion the order of command came from top brass himself Vladimir Putin. Though he denies it, of course.

The "Perfume Poisoners" as This Re…

Impeachment, Scallop Wars and the School Blazer

Hello and welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up. And isn't it curious how the fortunes of Britain and America appear to be in perfect accord, as the two greatest disasters in living memory - the election of Trump and the Brexit referendum - have reached an apocalyptic pinnacle this week. The question is, when will we have the time, or opportunity, to buy our new school blazer?

Because politicians are getting ready for a new school term at the exclusive, fee-paying establishment which is Westminster, and this is to be the equivalent of an exam - rather than a 'doss' - year. As a result they have been inflicted with an element of holiday homework, namely the reading up on the No Deal “information papers”, which the Government ummed and ahhed over releasing. For fear the nation would collectively wet itself.
This would have been quite the handy solution, but as to flooding the place, This Reporter has just one question – whether the Dealers or No Deale…

Brexit Spoiler Alert and the Autumn Brogues

WE'RE going to be getting the political miles in this week so there's no other thing for it. Time to purchase our autumn brogues. Welcome to This Reporter's news and style round-up.

And we begin with the blast from the past which is Gordon Brown. Like Harold from Neighbours, we thought we were shot of him, until he showed up years later with a spot of amnesia. Though Mr Brown's brain cogs appear to be firing on all mathematical cylinders, as he warned us this week we were in danger of "sleepwalking" into another financial crisis - if world leaders did not work together in acting on the lessons of 2008.

The trouble is the former Labour chancellor (and lest we forget - Prime Minister) was unable to say what would trigger it. This Reporter wouldn't like to presume - Gordon's the 'money whizz' - but how about the small matter we have come to call Brexit, as suggested by the Bank of England's Mark Carney this week.

Talking of which, the Governm…

Brexit Titanic, Bond and the Balenciaga Sweater

THE sartorial equivalent of an exploding tin of Alphabetti spaghetti has hit the fashion world this week with the resurgence of the 90s trend for big shouty designer logos emblazoned all over clothes. And This Reporter can see this as no co-incidence of timing, as we witness a political front scant in truth-telling or plain-speaking but instead besmirched by skulduggery, twiddle-twoddle and bare-faced lies. You'll see. Welcome to your news and style round-up.

First up on the news podium is Jeremy Corbyn and listen..."speech, speech, speech, speech". That's the cacophonous call from multiple sides this week for the Labour leader to formally address claims of anti-semitism, both personally, and within his party.

One journalist, Gary Younge, a columnist for The Guardian, has gone so far as to write a speech for him. The gist of it runs that Corbyn must own his past mistakes, but issue the plea he has been more often than not on the right side of history.

Whether Corbyn&…