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Hawaiian shirts, "gammons" and the crack at the Home Office

Aloha. You find this reporter lying back on a sun lounger, pina colada in hand, to announce the latest fashion trend for men, the Hawaiian shirt.

Formally the mainstay of the 'zany dad' and Tom Selleck as Magnum PI, the Hawaiian shirt looks ready to bedeck the most trendy of backs - and fronts - across the fashion hemisphere this summer, with Prada leading the charge. The most desirable of fashion houses has launched an exclusive collection of Hawaiian shirts for Mr Porter, the male arm of Net-a-Porter.

And the feeling on the street is, Britain's most fashionable men are ready to embrace something a little more vivacious and adventurous this season. The 'fun' trend is already rolling out to the high street with All Saints stocking their own versions. Back at the high end, Stella McCartney and Burberry have designed their own bold printed shirts with 'jolly motifs'.

Just don't get too complacent over this new fashion staple and pair it with loose fitting beach-ready shorts. The style pack will be wearing theirs with wide-cut navy 'slacks' or turned up jeans and chunky sandals.

The crucial question is, will the "gammons" be adopting the Hawaiian shirt trend? Yes, the gammons. A term like "snowflake" and "woke", which has sneaked into our lexicon over the last few months like a stealth bomber, only to explode over the internet this week.

To the oblivious, and boy does this reporter envy you, "gammon" does not refer to the meat commonly served with pineapple rings at the local Harvester restaurant. No "gammon" is the word now used to lump-term angry, red-faced, Brexit-voting, right-leaning, white men over 50.

Many are to be found running our country. Others are to be found arguing the toss on Question Time, usually with frequent references to "the will of the people".

Despite the fact the penny of recognition has dropped with pretty much everyone - this reporter is assuming - we are been brutally told off by the internet for using "gammon" because - and here's a humdinger - it's racist.

Racist on the basis it refers to a skin colour and according to one mecca of all things reasonable on Twitter, is akin to calling a black person a raisin.

Comedian Kathy Burke came up with the best solution on social media (and I have doctored the end part heavily for politeness) "if people don't like the term gammon then we'll just go back to calling them c***s".

Meanwhile yet another Brexit super group has launched to save us from our own self-inflicted destruction in the form of David Miliband, Nicky Morgan and Nick Clegg. In the manner of X Factor back in the day when Simon Cowell intervened and put the likes of solo rejects Harry Styles and Zayn Malik into a band called One Direction (because he didn't think they were strong enough to go it alone) Miliband, Morgan and Clegg - who have all individually suffered their own forms of rejection - are hoping together they will be the super force that saves us from the government's own brand of Brexit.

Meeting at a Tilda rice factory of all places, which we are assured has hidden meaning as a British company facing 'devastation' when we exit the European Union, the political trio stated the British people are being "held to ransom" by vocal Brexiteers, as well as being treated as the guinea pigs of a trade policy which no one can be sure will pan out well for either businesses or our country. On a practical level they will be aiming to push through all the amendments to the EU withdrawal bill when it returns to parliament.

Well it certainly worked well for One Direction for a time, until it emerged Harry Styles was fit to go it alone "after all". David Miliband however, has denied he will be returning to politics.

Finally crystal meth has been found down the back of a toilet cistern at the Home Office. Fresh from their scandal over Windrush, it appeared the government department were set to be rocked to the core yet again by this class A revelation - but not so.

Ironically posing with a sniffer dog after his appointment to Home Secretary last month, Sajid Javid pledged he would be tough on drugs but the message appeared to be lost on his own department. It is the third time drugs have been found at the department responsible for overseeing the UK's drug policies, in the last six months.

Scotland Yard was called and announced to the press no suspects had been identified at this time. This reporter suggests looking for the person who has just gone out and purchased this Prada shirt.


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