Skip to main content

Health guru Michael Gove and the Vetements maxi goat skirt

If ever there was a jack of all trades and master of none, it would be Michael Josiah Wilberforce Gove MP. Shedding plenty of light on the infamous time he declared we should never trust an 'expert', there is not a single area of political life the Govester is not prepared to dirty his hands in.

Running amok through our education system, tearing irreparable furrows through the environment, Gove even threw his hat into the ring for the Home Office, following Amber Rudd's resignation, before being knocked back in favour of Sajid Javid, the purveyor of the world's most awkward superhero pose.

Gollum-esque in his coveting of Theresa May's empirical crown, Gove, as Environmental Sec, is trying to make the best of it - or the worst of it, depending on your perspective - by dishing out healthy eating advice.

Meat is crucial to a balanced diet Gove declares, as he announces an exciting new project which will see farmers directly responsible for the health of the nation post-Brexit.

Gove tells us the reason we are all dying of cancer and diabetes is because of our poor diets. That doyen on all things health continues that we should be eating fresh fruit and veg, beans, pulses and cereals, fresh dairy produce and protein sources such as fresh fish, offal and properly sourced meat.

This is "critical" to the nation's health and the farmers will provide us with it, says Govey. (Now would be the time to question Gove on what he thinks the farmers have been doing all these years, but he's in full flow).

"It's not my job to micro-manage what goes into a shopping basket but while I respect the rights of people who might be vegan or vegetarian to make that choice (he doesn't) nevertheless I don't think anyone should be shy or abashed in drawing attention to the fact that livestock farming contributes to the mixed farming methods that provide a specific set of farming benefits and that mixed farming and meat is part of a balanced diet."

This reporter didn't quite follow that last bit either but what Gove is basically saying is we should all be eating meat, and lots of it, as he frantically scrabbles around to reassure farmers that they won't be sent rolling down a hill in a cattle truck sans brakes post Brexit, amid fears of crushing competition from international prices.

Never mind the fact all recent research suggests humans would actually be far better off with a more plant-rich diet and the recognition that mass livestock farming could actually be damaging our environment - because what do experts know anyway.

This reporter surmises that Germany's worm burgers are strictly off limits then. Supermarkets in the German city of Aachen have been offering customers insect burgers made from meal worms. The meal worms - known for their high protein value - are being served in burger form and packed into rolls accompanied by lettuce, onions and tomatoes.

The burgers have already proved a culinary hit in the Netherlands and Belgium and their creators, the Bugfoundation, say the key is to create an aesthetic product that looks good and doesn't show any insects. According to customers they taste and smell yummy.

This reporter believes this would be the best time to bring in the goats. Here they are on this maxi wrap skirt by Vetements. They'll eat anything, maybe even Michael Gove.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

There's one thing on which we can all agree; we're tired of this Brexit panto

SO there we have it, to no ones surprise - least of all the Prime Minister's - Theresa May's proposed Brexit deal has been voted down by Parliament. In an historic defeat of 230 votes as never seen in the democratic era. At least it did, momentarily, bring pro-EU MPs and Brexiteers together, in a game of Lobby football. Before heading back to opposing Commons trenches, to resume knocking seven bells out of each other.
And to think this happened when the premise on which Mrs May encouraged MPs to vote, was built upon a lie. The Prime Minister has consistently said to vote down her deal would destroy voters faith in politics, as though the referendum Leave result had been won on a landslide. To extract a line from Monday's pre-vote speech, from a mug factory in Stoke, she said: "People's faith in the democratic process and their politicians would suffer catastrophic harm".
But just in case people actually remembered the result, and as a clue it wasn't 89-11…

Mrs May's drinks trolley and a fake Brexit traffic jam ends in car crash TV

THE sight of a cavalcade of lorries emerging from the fog early on Monday morning, to take their places in a fake Brexit traffic jam, confirmed what we have all been fearing for some time now - we have reached the part in history our ancestors we think, we made up for the laugh.
But first we must turn to Prime Minister Theresa May who has entered a vital chapter in her own memoirs entitled: "Will she or won't she secure her deal?" as it dawned on her she faced no other alternative but to put her ill-favoured Brexit plan before Parliament, next Tuesday (Jan 15th).
It turns out however, she has a few tricks up her sleeve, including a spot of good old-fashioned schmoozing. Inviting her enemies to a series of drinks receptions at the top end of the week, where she no doubt hoped to lubricate the mood.
She says to her staunchest of critics; take these assurances the EU will agree a trade deal by 2021, that Parliament can have more say in the next stage of talks. Remember if y…

All aboard the pizza ferry, headed for absolutely nowhere new

THIS Reporter wishes to express her fathomless thanks to the Westminster crew, none of whom decided to take upon themselves the tired old trope of making new year's resolutions - on off chance a better version of themselves existed - and instead continue in the exact same farcical way they blundered through 2018.
Because despite the fact ministers had, in theory, laid their dispatch boxes on beds of tinsel for the duration of Christmastide, there is still much for us to catch up with.
First, but by no means foremost, Sajid Javid, Home Secretary - who it has reached This Reporter via the rumour mill likes to call himself "The Saj" - perhaps short for Sergeant but more likely, Sajid - cut short his luxury £1,000-plus a night safari festive break in South Africa to rush back and deal with what he coined a "migrant crisis" but in reality was two brave souls casting out across the Channel in a rubber dinghy.
Nevertheless, Javid called for immediate clampdown on this…

Rudd's resignation, Trump's visit and Kat Von D's indestructible eyeliner

You better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout. I'm telling you why. Donald Trump is coming to town.

More about that later. First, some serious news. (This reporter puts on her most sensible of news reading glasses). The Guardian reports today (Monday) that Amber Rudd has "dramatically" resigned as home secretary after "repeatedly struggling to account for her role in the unjust treatment of Windrush generation migrants."

The documenter of our times continues: "The home secretary was forced to step down after a series of revelations in the Guardian over Windrush culminated in a leak on Friday that appeared to show she was aware of targets for removing illegal migrants from Britain.

"The pressure increased late on Sunday afternoon as the Guardian revealed that in a leaked 2017 letter to Theresa May, Rudd had told the Prime Minister of her intention to increase deportations by 10 per cent - seemingly at odds with her recent denials that she w…

Theresa May's "10 Year Challenge" and Prince Philip Over-Eggs the Metaphor

"TIME is not something I acknowledge", said pop diva Mariah Carey on refusing to play ball on the "10 year challenge", posting two identical photographs of herself in a bikini taken ten seconds rather than ten years apart.
The concept of time is not something Ms Carey is afraid of. She is not freaked out by the ticking of the clock. She is simply impervious to it. It has no meaning. It does not exist. This is where the similarities between her and Theresa May, the Prime Minister, begin, and end.
Sixty-seven days to go until we Brexit. Mrs May is back after surviving yet another no confidence vote by an untriumphant, by nonetheless secure, 19 votes, and immediately launches into "cross party talks". Inviting all major party leaders to "put self-interest aside" and discuss a united way forward to break the Brexit deadlock. It is at this early point in proceedings, she comes unstuck.
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, who famously said "it's goo…