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Pig stalkers, BoJo's Jet and the Zara contrast print dress

Socks off.

Do you remember the childhood rhyme which runs: "This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home..."? You do. Well this story is the remixed version.

A man in America called the police when a 'persistent pig' followed him home from a train station, it is reported.

He called the North Ridgeville Police Station in Ohio at 5.26am on Saturday claiming the pig was following him and, understandably, the officers thought he must be inebriated (the man that is, not the pig).

However, on arriving at the 'scene' they found a completely sober man who was indeed being followed by a piggy stalker. One of the officers managed to 'coerce' the pig into his police car (no jokes please) and brought the pig back to the station where he was locked in one of the dog kennels. The pig has since been reunited with his owner.

Time for some news headlines and today it has been announced Sweden has distributed a 'be prepared for war' leaflet to all 4.8million of its homes in a move which appears to pre-empt World War Three.
The defence pamphlet entitled Om krisen eller kriget kommer (If crisis or war comes) sets out how the population can prepare for war and the 'total defence' of the country.
It is the first time such a leaflet has been distributed in Sweden in half a century. And on the basis Sweden seems to do everything more efficiently, nay better, than us, this reporter believes we should be worried.

Oxford University is still failing to attract students from diverse backgrounds according to figures collated over a three-year period. They reveal that more than one in four of its colleges failed to admit a single black student each year between 2015 and 2017.
Labour MP David Lammy, quite rightly, pointed out an underprivileged kid from a state school in Sunderland who gets straight As is more talented than their contemporary with the same grades at Eton or Harrow.

Talking of discrimination, another study, into screenwriters, has revealed women write just 28 per cent of TV episodes and make up only 16 per cent of film screenwriters.
The report was commissioned by the Writers' Guild of Great Britain and gathered data for more than ten years, revealing a continuing bias and systemic gender inequality in the two industries. The thinking is, we need more female writers to ensure more female characters and female-led plot lines.

Meanwhile Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has declared the solution to Brexit is to get him his own private jet.
He complained the official Voyager aircraft on which the prime minister travels is rarely available and "too grey". He currently has to travel on commercial airlines.
Mr Johnson believes having his own "colourful" plane to jet around the world in would significantly bolster Britain's post-Brexit trade prospects. But it is quite evident he just wants a 'BoJo Jet'.

Who knew British actress Elizabeth Hurley was quite so funny. A real feat for someone who famously subsists on seven raisins a day.

Amid the announcement that actor Hugh Grant is to get married, for the first time, to his girlfriend, Anna Aberstein, there arose some confusion over how many children the 57-year-old actually has.

It was Ms Hurley, his ex-girlfriend and long-time friend, who came to the rescue - or put her foot in it, depending - by saying: "He had another one last week. He has five. He was over 50 when he spawned them all."

She added: "He's an enchanting dad. Really, really sweet. Having these kids has transformed him from a very miserable person into a fairly miserable person. It's improved him. He's gone up the scale."

On to fashion and do you remember that safety pin-fest of a dress Liz Hurley wore back in the 90s when she and Hugh were courting? Yes. Don't buy that one. Buy this contrast-printed (read garishly clashing) dress from Zara instead. This reporter assures you it is not a joke.

Ring, ring. "911 what's your emergency?" "It's that blasted pig again."
And this little piggy went wee, wee, wee, and followed him, all the way home.



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