Skip to main content

Pig stalkers, BoJo's Jet and the Zara contrast print dress

Socks off.

Do you remember the childhood rhyme which runs: "This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home..."? You do. Well this story is the remixed version.

A man in America called the police when a 'persistent pig' followed him home from a train station, it is reported.

He called the North Ridgeville Police Station in Ohio at 5.26am on Saturday claiming the pig was following him and, understandably, the officers thought he must be inebriated (the man that is, not the pig).

However, on arriving at the 'scene' they found a completely sober man who was indeed being followed by a piggy stalker. One of the officers managed to 'coerce' the pig into his police car (no jokes please) and brought the pig back to the station where he was locked in one of the dog kennels. The pig has since been reunited with his owner.

Time for some news headlines and today it has been announced Sweden has distributed a 'be prepared for war' leaflet to all 4.8million of its homes in a move which appears to pre-empt World War Three.
The defence pamphlet entitled Om krisen eller kriget kommer (If crisis or war comes) sets out how the population can prepare for war and the 'total defence' of the country.
It is the first time such a leaflet has been distributed in Sweden in half a century. And on the basis Sweden seems to do everything more efficiently, nay better, than us, this reporter believes we should be worried.

Oxford University is still failing to attract students from diverse backgrounds according to figures collated over a three-year period. They reveal that more than one in four of its colleges failed to admit a single black student each year between 2015 and 2017.
Labour MP David Lammy, quite rightly, pointed out an underprivileged kid from a state school in Sunderland who gets straight As is more talented than their contemporary with the same grades at Eton or Harrow.

Talking of discrimination, another study, into screenwriters, has revealed women write just 28 per cent of TV episodes and make up only 16 per cent of film screenwriters.
The report was commissioned by the Writers' Guild of Great Britain and gathered data for more than ten years, revealing a continuing bias and systemic gender inequality in the two industries. The thinking is, we need more female writers to ensure more female characters and female-led plot lines.

Meanwhile Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has declared the solution to Brexit is to get him his own private jet.
He complained the official Voyager aircraft on which the prime minister travels is rarely available and "too grey". He currently has to travel on commercial airlines.
Mr Johnson believes having his own "colourful" plane to jet around the world in would significantly bolster Britain's post-Brexit trade prospects. But it is quite evident he just wants a 'BoJo Jet'.

Who knew British actress Elizabeth Hurley was quite so funny. A real feat for someone who famously subsists on seven raisins a day.

Amid the announcement that actor Hugh Grant is to get married, for the first time, to his girlfriend, Anna Aberstein, there arose some confusion over how many children the 57-year-old actually has.

It was Ms Hurley, his ex-girlfriend and long-time friend, who came to the rescue - or put her foot in it, depending - by saying: "He had another one last week. He has five. He was over 50 when he spawned them all."

She added: "He's an enchanting dad. Really, really sweet. Having these kids has transformed him from a very miserable person into a fairly miserable person. It's improved him. He's gone up the scale."

On to fashion and do you remember that safety pin-fest of a dress Liz Hurley wore back in the 90s when she and Hugh were courting? Yes. Don't buy that one. Buy this contrast-printed (read garishly clashing) dress from Zara instead. This reporter assures you it is not a joke.

Ring, ring. "911 what's your emergency?" "It's that blasted pig again."
And this little piggy went wee, wee, wee, and followed him, all the way home.



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Corbyn's Bodyguard and the People's Vote

SUCH is the nation's obsession with BBC's Bodyguard, This Reporter would argue, that a journalist from the Mirror felt it fitting - nay, par to the course - to ask Jeremy Corbyn's bodyguard what question he should put to the Labour leader during the party conference, underway this week.

Abdul Abouker, for indeed, that is his name (and would we have been even remotely interested in this factoid pre-Keeley Hawes and Richard Madden enlivening our TV sets of a Sunday evening - "no This Reporter, absolutely not") admittedly didn't quite get to the crux of the issues dominating the 2018 Labour Conference in Liverpool - the anti-Semitism, the austerity, the People's Vote (more on that later).

Mr Abouker, 30, suggested Mr Corbyn be asked how he deals with all the stress. The answer, for anyone declaring an interest, is running, exercising, reading and tending his allotment. In between the stress of managing to avoid answering a single question on Brexit for the p…

Creative Brexit Thinking, #Papoose and the Fendi 'Vulva' Scarf

FROM the EU's call for creative Brexit thinking and Piers Morgan's "emasculating" papoose gripe, to that much talked about Fendi scarf, welcome to This Reporter's daily news and style round-up.

In the latest 'stating the blindingly obvious' study, research group Hope Not Hate found attitudes towards immigration are directly linked to socio-economic deprivation. The pervading view, extracted from the six-year-long project, was many people in deprived communities felt they had been "abandoned and left to rot" by the political establishment in preference to addressing the needs and wishes of new arrivals.

In quite frankly staggering news, Prime Minister Theresa May has, apparently, managed to get her Cabinet to agree to a united front on Brexit ahead of a key summit with the European Union. Details are sketchy, but what permeated strongly from the meeting room on Tuesday afternoon was the smell of frying bacon, as it was revealed Cabinet members we…

The Bambi Dress, Trump's Misfortune and Operation Arse

TODAY'S fashion pick is the Bambi mini dress by Rixo London. An unashamed nod to the 1980s with its puffed sleeves and sequin embellishment. And there's no better time than now to enjoy a bit of escapist vintage, even from a decade blighted by Thatcher.

But nothing a bit of glossing over swathes of history won't fix. Wasn't it great she was the first female Prime Minister? In the same way we'll say of Theresa May in a few decades time - if the world makes it - didn't she show a great strength for just hanging on?
Back to the dress, and This Reporter's only concern is over the name "Bambi". For starters, due to the devastating plot twist in the Disney portrayal, This Reporter has some concerns over the origin of the velvet. But what other message is the designer trying to convey? 
That the wearer will become splay-legged and unable to navigate this life's metaphorical ice rink or that she will merely have a penchant for befriending small rabbit…

Dancing Queen and the Balmain Metallic Jeans

THIS Reporter would firstly like to point out she urged Prime Minister Theresa May to wear a metallic outfit for her keynote conference speech yesterday (Wednesday). She even went to the effort of ripping the page out of Vogue magazine which stated metallics were "fashion protection from the state of the world" -  protection from the likes of Mrs May potentially, but this really isn't the time to quibble - and got it sent over tout suite by carrier pigeon to Birmingham.

Still Mrs May went with the black trouser suit. Readers if you have any sense, purchase the Balmain metallic high-rise straight leg jeans immediately. We're going to need them as we continue.

Of course, there has been much build up to this speech, following on as it does not only from Boris Johnson's leadership audition on Tuesday but also there being so much for Mrs May to rectify after last year's disaster. The hacking cough, the prankster waving the P45, the letters falling from the backdro…

Missing Journalist, Puffer Jackets and RIP the 18-30 Holiday

MAKING the headlines today is the news Turkish authorities are scouring motorway CCTV footage as suspicions continue to rise that dissident journalist Jamal Khashoggi was murdered at Istanbul's Saudi consulate and his body smuggled out in a van.

Mr Khashoggi, a US-based critic of the Saudi leadership, went to the consulate to finalise his divorce and did not come back out. A convoy of six cars was seen leaving the consulate two hours later and boxes were caught on security footage being loaded into the back of a black van. Saudi authorities have denied any wrongdoing.

American President Donald Trump meanwhile said there were some pretty bad stories circulating about Khashoggi's fate but hopefully it would "sort itself out". He may as well have said that's one less to deal with.

The annual call has gone out to purchase a puffer jacket - and this year they must be heavily adorned and patterned. The puffer jacket, muses This Reporter, is much the fashion anomaly, in…