Skip to main content

Pig stalkers, BoJo's Jet and the Zara contrast print dress

Socks off.

Do you remember the childhood rhyme which runs: "This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home..."? You do. Well this story is the remixed version.

A man in America called the police when a 'persistent pig' followed him home from a train station, it is reported.

He called the North Ridgeville Police Station in Ohio at 5.26am on Saturday claiming the pig was following him and, understandably, the officers thought he must be inebriated (the man that is, not the pig).

However, on arriving at the 'scene' they found a completely sober man who was indeed being followed by a piggy stalker. One of the officers managed to 'coerce' the pig into his police car (no jokes please) and brought the pig back to the station where he was locked in one of the dog kennels. The pig has since been reunited with his owner.

Time for some news headlines and today it has been announced Sweden has distributed a 'be prepared for war' leaflet to all 4.8million of its homes in a move which appears to pre-empt World War Three.
The defence pamphlet entitled Om krisen eller kriget kommer (If crisis or war comes) sets out how the population can prepare for war and the 'total defence' of the country.
It is the first time such a leaflet has been distributed in Sweden in half a century. And on the basis Sweden seems to do everything more efficiently, nay better, than us, this reporter believes we should be worried.

Oxford University is still failing to attract students from diverse backgrounds according to figures collated over a three-year period. They reveal that more than one in four of its colleges failed to admit a single black student each year between 2015 and 2017.
Labour MP David Lammy, quite rightly, pointed out an underprivileged kid from a state school in Sunderland who gets straight As is more talented than their contemporary with the same grades at Eton or Harrow.

Talking of discrimination, another study, into screenwriters, has revealed women write just 28 per cent of TV episodes and make up only 16 per cent of film screenwriters.
The report was commissioned by the Writers' Guild of Great Britain and gathered data for more than ten years, revealing a continuing bias and systemic gender inequality in the two industries. The thinking is, we need more female writers to ensure more female characters and female-led plot lines.

Meanwhile Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has declared the solution to Brexit is to get him his own private jet.
He complained the official Voyager aircraft on which the prime minister travels is rarely available and "too grey". He currently has to travel on commercial airlines.
Mr Johnson believes having his own "colourful" plane to jet around the world in would significantly bolster Britain's post-Brexit trade prospects. But it is quite evident he just wants a 'BoJo Jet'.

Who knew British actress Elizabeth Hurley was quite so funny. A real feat for someone who famously subsists on seven raisins a day.

Amid the announcement that actor Hugh Grant is to get married, for the first time, to his girlfriend, Anna Aberstein, there arose some confusion over how many children the 57-year-old actually has.

It was Ms Hurley, his ex-girlfriend and long-time friend, who came to the rescue - or put her foot in it, depending - by saying: "He had another one last week. He has five. He was over 50 when he spawned them all."

She added: "He's an enchanting dad. Really, really sweet. Having these kids has transformed him from a very miserable person into a fairly miserable person. It's improved him. He's gone up the scale."

On to fashion and do you remember that safety pin-fest of a dress Liz Hurley wore back in the 90s when she and Hugh were courting? Yes. Don't buy that one. Buy this contrast-printed (read garishly clashing) dress from Zara instead. This reporter assures you it is not a joke.

Ring, ring. "911 what's your emergency?" "It's that blasted pig again."
And this little piggy went wee, wee, wee, and followed him, all the way home.



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Government accused of Coronavirus cover-up and Veggie Corbyn booed at kebab awards

FROM the UK Government announcing it will only release Coronavirus data weekly, to vegetarian Jeremy Corbyn presenting an award for the best kebab, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Thursday 5th March 2020. The Government has been accused of withholding information about the spread of Coronavirus after a 70 per cent increase in confirmed cases prompted health chiefs to stop providing daily updates on the location of new infections. Instead they will be provided on a Friday in a weekly round-up. Thirty six new UK cases were announced yesterday (Wednesday) bringing the grand total to 87 people. A former director at Public Health England said the move to weekly updates should be reconsidered to allow the public to make informed decisions. In related news, the Government is putting in place contingency plans, should the virus outbreak become widespread, to close Parliament for up to three months to stop 650 potential "super spreaders". Which gives Th

The inside scoop on Meghan and Harry's wedding - all the action before it's even happened

Fantastic news. We have all been invited to a wedding, and not just any old wedding but the royal wedding of the year (sorry Princess Eugenie) between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. This is what the big day - 19th May, if you still need to jot it down in your filofax - will look like. The girls will all get ready at Meghan's house, taking it in turns to marvel at her dress, by an avant garde British designer we will all pretend we have heard of. We will watch back-to-back episodes of Suits, quaffing glasses of Kombucha, so we can exclaim over how far she has come, all the while trying to reassure Kate Middleton we cannot see the baby sick down her brand new pleat detail dress  from Reiss. (We can). The boys will meanwhile be round Harry's gaff, stuffing themselves on venison burgers and Kettle Chips, before stripping down for a last game of naked snooker - for old time's sake. Reminiscing about ill-advised fancy dress costumes, past girlfriends with posh, fancy names

Theresa May's girls' night in and ice-cream flavoured plimsoles

The fashion world is in a two-and-eight. It has inconceivably come up with a trend which is the complete antithesis of everything it stands for - ice-cream. Let's be honest, no one in the fashion industry has eaten since 1997, subsisting on fresh air and the occasional whiff of Lancome watermelon Juicy Tube (because they're back). Never mind the veritable Pandora's box of worms the issue rears up for the lactose intolerant, and the vegans, who have risen up like a Samuria army since the clock struck midnight on first of January. But fear not, this ice-cream trend is nothing to do with consuming delicious frozen cream (sadly). Instead it is about the chosen pastel colour palette for this spring, leading on to summer 2018. Melting their way down runways there have been strawberry ice-cream coloured jackets from Celine, Acne Studios have offered up pistachio co-ords, Chanel have served us vanilla wafer coloured suits. There have been blueberry swirl skirts at Versace and

"Summer dreams ripped at the seams" - The day we should have Brexit

TODAY - Friday 29th March - was to have been The Day -  the day we Brexited from the European Union. If all had gone according to - if there had actually been a - plan. Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg were scheduled to be there at Dover cliff edge, gardening shears at the ready, to ceremoniously sever, together, all ties with our continental neighbours. In manner of some warped version of the bride and bridegroom cutting into their first slice of wedding cake. Former fireplace salesman, turned Defence Secretary, Gavin Williamson would have led the military salute as Salvation Army brass bands from across the country, on pain of death, led a rousing rendition of "Jerusalem", followed by a blast of the Grease Megamix. That's the news of what didn't pan out this week, so what actually did happen? We heard Nigel Farage compared to Blackadder's Field Marshall Haig when Guy Verhofstadt questioned why he was sat in European Parliament and not out on the 200 mile Mar

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020. A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it. But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people&#