Skip to main content

Review of the week - Divorce at the click of a button and the invisible jeans trend

"Breaking up is hard to do," once sang Neil Sedaka, but not so much now thanks to a ground-breakingly easy, online way to get a divorce.
Just "log in and break up" declares the Independent newspaper in its article hailing the Ministry of Justice's new divorce website. The government department's £1billion modernisation programme enables couples splitting up across England and Wales to complete their applications online without going to court.
Excellent news for spouse-haters and serial commitment-phobes alike who will be able to file a quick divorce in between uploading Instagram pics and clicking 'likes' on Facebook. Odds on the next online trend following the ice bucket challenge (and other such larks) will be how many marriages and divorces you can notch up in 2019. On your marks, get set, go...

French first lady, Brigette Macron has dropped in her own few Francs worth on why she feels sorry for Melania Trump. After accompanying her husband, French President Emannuel, on a state visit to America recently, Brigette revealed to Le Monde, that Donald Trump's wife Melania is a "virtual prisoner within the White House".
"She cannot even open a window...She can't put her nose outside. And she's much more constrained than I am. Me, every day I'm out in Paris."
Brigette goes on to say she too has certain restrictions, for example she must be careful what she says, before going on to gabble that she tries to be more than just a decorative "flower pot" in the shadow of her husband.
A turn of phrase this reporter admits may have got twisted in translation, but the implication is still very much there. The question is, is Melania Bill or Ben?

Whilst there has been another bona fide event in Brexitville this week - thanks, once again, to the House of Lords. Those peers of the realm have now voted to ensure members of parliament take a vote on whether Britain should remain in the single market after Brexit - something which leaders of both major parties - Corbyn and May - had swiped off the table eons ago and firmly filed away in the foolscap folder marked 'bin'.
The crucial question now is how many Tory and Labour MPs will defy their inevitable leader's whips, demanding they abstain from the vote? In this reporter's world, absolutely all of them.

Archbishop of Canterbury, the Most Rev Justin Welby, has been preparing for officiating over the Royal Wedding by listening to grime artist Stormzy. He points to one song in particular, "Blinded by your grace", and the lyric, "I stay prayed up and get the job done", and says this really sums up his approach to the role.
Talking to BBC Coventry and Warwickshire, he continues he's made a couple of "cack-handed" mistakes at recent weddings and he doesn't think this would be a good time to make it a hat-trick.
Now, this reporter realises the Archbishop is the second most senior figure in the church after the Queen, but are we really sure he is the right man to conduct Meghan and Harry's wedding? She hears Adele may be available.

Hollywood actor of Gladiator fame, Russell Crowe, has just got the ultimate of revenges on US comedian John Oliver.
Oliver recently bought the jock strap Crowe wore in Cinderella Man through a "divorce auction" Crowe held to get rid of his film memorabilia after breaking up with his wife. Crowe was apparently put out when he heard Oliver had donated it to his local video rental store in Alaska in a bid to save it from closure.
This week, Crowe saw an opportunity for pay back by using the money Oliver donated to open up a chlamydia hospital for koalas at an Australian zoo and naming it "The John Oliver Koala Chlamydia Ward".
With no hard feelings, Oliver declared, "That may honestly be the greatest thing I've ever seen".

If jock straps and chlamydia aren't quite enough grounds for divorce, the invisible jeans trend may prove the clincher.
The fashion press has been gleefully aghast at certain celebrities, including Kendall Jenner, buying into the dubious trend - which essentially involves wearing the remnants of a pair of jeans after they have gone through an industrial-sized shredder.
They're here if you'd like to take a gander.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Government accused of Coronavirus cover-up and Veggie Corbyn booed at kebab awards

FROM the UK Government announcing it will only release Coronavirus data weekly, to vegetarian Jeremy Corbyn presenting an award for the best kebab, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Thursday 5th March 2020. The Government has been accused of withholding information about the spread of Coronavirus after a 70 per cent increase in confirmed cases prompted health chiefs to stop providing daily updates on the location of new infections. Instead they will be provided on a Friday in a weekly round-up. Thirty six new UK cases were announced yesterday (Wednesday) bringing the grand total to 87 people. A former director at Public Health England said the move to weekly updates should be reconsidered to allow the public to make informed decisions. In related news, the Government is putting in place contingency plans, should the virus outbreak become widespread, to close Parliament for up to three months to stop 650 potential "super spreaders". Which gives Th

The inside scoop on Meghan and Harry's wedding - all the action before it's even happened

Fantastic news. We have all been invited to a wedding, and not just any old wedding but the royal wedding of the year (sorry Princess Eugenie) between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. This is what the big day - 19th May, if you still need to jot it down in your filofax - will look like. The girls will all get ready at Meghan's house, taking it in turns to marvel at her dress, by an avant garde British designer we will all pretend we have heard of. We will watch back-to-back episodes of Suits, quaffing glasses of Kombucha, so we can exclaim over how far she has come, all the while trying to reassure Kate Middleton we cannot see the baby sick down her brand new pleat detail dress  from Reiss. (We can). The boys will meanwhile be round Harry's gaff, stuffing themselves on venison burgers and Kettle Chips, before stripping down for a last game of naked snooker - for old time's sake. Reminiscing about ill-advised fancy dress costumes, past girlfriends with posh, fancy names

Theresa May's girls' night in and ice-cream flavoured plimsoles

The fashion world is in a two-and-eight. It has inconceivably come up with a trend which is the complete antithesis of everything it stands for - ice-cream. Let's be honest, no one in the fashion industry has eaten since 1997, subsisting on fresh air and the occasional whiff of Lancome watermelon Juicy Tube (because they're back). Never mind the veritable Pandora's box of worms the issue rears up for the lactose intolerant, and the vegans, who have risen up like a Samuria army since the clock struck midnight on first of January. But fear not, this ice-cream trend is nothing to do with consuming delicious frozen cream (sadly). Instead it is about the chosen pastel colour palette for this spring, leading on to summer 2018. Melting their way down runways there have been strawberry ice-cream coloured jackets from Celine, Acne Studios have offered up pistachio co-ords, Chanel have served us vanilla wafer coloured suits. There have been blueberry swirl skirts at Versace and

"Summer dreams ripped at the seams" - The day we should have Brexit

TODAY - Friday 29th March - was to have been The Day -  the day we Brexited from the European Union. If all had gone according to - if there had actually been a - plan. Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg were scheduled to be there at Dover cliff edge, gardening shears at the ready, to ceremoniously sever, together, all ties with our continental neighbours. In manner of some warped version of the bride and bridegroom cutting into their first slice of wedding cake. Former fireplace salesman, turned Defence Secretary, Gavin Williamson would have led the military salute as Salvation Army brass bands from across the country, on pain of death, led a rousing rendition of "Jerusalem", followed by a blast of the Grease Megamix. That's the news of what didn't pan out this week, so what actually did happen? We heard Nigel Farage compared to Blackadder's Field Marshall Haig when Guy Verhofstadt questioned why he was sat in European Parliament and not out on the 200 mile Mar

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020. A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it. But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people&#