Skip to main content

The female-only island, Trump's Irn-Bru and the embellished loafer

This reporter brings you tidings of bonne nouvelle. We're going on holiday. Pack your suitcase, get your neighbours to water the goldfish and walk the plants, and let's vacance.

Where are we headed, this reporter hears you ask? Well, she shall tell you, my most eager reader, we are going to a female-only island.

Isn't that prejudiced against all men folk, you respond. Well quite, says this reporter, but that is nothing compared to what is to come. But stop right there - this reporter will ruin her punchline.

Let's progress Bristol fashion to the departure lounge, but first, we must have a nosey around duty free. And what do we spy here but today's fashion fix - the embellished loafer. What a co-incidence. It's almost like this isn't real life at all but something someone's scribbled down just to 'entertain'.

The embellished loafer is 'the' spring shoe, encapsulating the practical with just the right amount of magic. (Thanks Vogue). From rhinestones to punky hardware, it is all about jazzing these sensible shoes up for the season.

Patent versions are available at Christopher Kane. Not getting too carried away with it are Dorateymur's sleek white loafers with tasteful buckle. Getting carried away with it are the slip on studded loafers from Sergio Rossi.

And then there is this reporter's favourite, Roger Vivier's duck egg blue satin version - like a cloudless spring blue sky. But enough of that. Let's catch that flight. I'll tell you more about the female-only island on the way.

Off the coast of the Baltic Sea in the Raseborg region of Finland, there is a women-only island that serves as the headquarters for the SuperShes - a female enclave founded by Forbes listed businesswoman Kristina Roth.

Ms Roth bought the 8.47 acre island entirely out of her own pocket in September 2017 to host retreats, for members of her 6,000 strong female tribe, aimed at strengthening the body, mind and soul. Activities include kayaking, breathing exercises, nutritional food and massages.

Many of you will now be thinking, where do I sign up? We come to the catch. Ms Roth set up SuperShes as a blog platform to build content for, and spotlight, 'interesting' women. It swiftly grew into a networking community and now an island retreat.

SuperShe members must be financially and emotionally independent women "striving to be the best version of themselves", as a mere starting point. Their entry to the community is by dazzling Ms Roth with their 'story', which must resonate with the SuperShe DNA.

Those who get onto the island are hand-picked and vetted by Ms Roth herself. The chosen ones must then fork out over £5,000 for the holiday. This reporter states that far from the initial promise of an idyllic retreat for all the sisterhood, this smacks of elitism to the highest degree.

Drink? A glass of Irn-Bru perhaps? Did you know this very drink has been banned from one of President Donald Trump's luxury golf resorts in Scotland. Considered something of a national drink, guests at Turnberry have nevertheless been banned from drinking it over fears its luminous orange colouring might stain the carpet.

The ban came to light after guests at the five-star hotel on the Ayrshire coast requested Irn-Bru and were refused because of concerns about potential spillage. Apparently, so the hotel claims, it would cost £500,000 to replace the ballroom carpet.

This reporter must say, she was quite sure Trump was a fan of the colour orange, but she can't quite think why.

So in summary, what have we learnt? Firstly, that some embellishments, such as on shoes, are good, whilst others - embellishments of the truth, (Irn Bru stains on carpets) - are really very very bad. Secondly, the holiday's off.

But you know, this reporter can sniff the scent of revolution in the air (or it may be the Paco Rabanne you squirted on yourself at duty free) and proposes we storm that island and claim back what's rightfully ours. Who's with me?

In the words of Mel Gibson in Braveheart: "They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom." Charge!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

All aboard the pizza ferry, headed for absolutely nowhere new

THIS Reporter wishes to express her fathomless thanks to the Westminster crew, none of whom decided to take upon themselves the tired old trope of making new year's resolutions - on off chance a better version of themselves existed - and instead continue in the exact same farcical way they blundered through 2018. Because despite the fact ministers had, in theory, laid their dispatch boxes on beds of tinsel for the duration of Christmastide, there is still much for us to catch up with. First, but by no means foremost, Sajid Javid, Home Secretary - who it has reached This Reporter via the rumour mill likes to call himself "The Saj" - perhaps short for Sergeant but more likely, Sajid - cut short his luxury £1,000-plus a night safari festive break in South Africa to rush back and deal with what he coined a "migrant crisis" but in reality was two brave souls casting out across the Channel in a rubber dinghy. Nevertheless, Javid called for immediate clampdown on th

Meghan and Harry "grin in the rain" and the Kimono-wearing fox killer

FROM Meghan and Harry making their first appearance in the UK together since Megxit, to the kimono-wearing fox killer who appears to have been cleared of all crimes, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Friday 6th March 2020. Yes that's right, This Reporter is declaring this particular news gathering outlet a Coronavirus free zone as we kick off today's headlines with the news Meghan and Harry, otherwise known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have returned to the UK and had their photograph taken together, under an umbrella, in the rain. The couple were in town - London specifically - as they wind up their official duties before bowing out of royal life forever, with last night's paparazzi extravaganza related to their attendance at the Endeavour Film awards. With what we can only assume were fixed grins on their faces as they braved the weather, and the fact these moments under the media spotlight, were exactly what they were talking about when

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020. A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it. But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people&#

Netflix glances, America's first ladies united and the Burberry graffiti skirt

"Am I pointing it the right way?" will be the constant refrain at film studios now Netflix has introduced a 'five second rule' on set to stamp out sexual harassment post-#MeToo. In complete contravention of this new rule, let's take a closer look... Netflix, the streaming devise, has introduced a whole raft of anti-harassment measures in wake of the #MeToo social media uprising against the likes of film producer Harvey Weinstein. These include not looking at anyone for longer than five seconds, no lingering hugs, no flirting and no asking for a colleagues phone number. Also any 'unwanted' behaviour should be reported immediately. An on-set runner, speaking to the media, said: "It has sparked jokes with people looking at each other and counting to five, then diverting their eyes." There is of course the worry about how actors will ever 'get it together' and thus fill our gossip pages. But this reporter is first and foremost concern

BAFTAs, Alabama, "Four Ovens" and Jeremy Kyle

FROM "Killing Eve" cleaning up at the BAFTAs and the rise of Nigel Farage's half-baked Brexit Party, to the trash found at the depths of the ocean which, according to some reports has Jeremy Kyle living under it, to "Four Ovens" MP James Brokenshire, if this week was a grossly out-dated, misogynistic trope, it would be a domestic goddess. All complaints please back date to 1957, where you'll find the Senate of Alabama mulling over their next Gilead-inspired motion. Welcome to This Reporter's Weekly News Journal. Monday 13th May and   get your glad rags on - or not (we'll get to that in a moment) - because our first stop is the BAFTAs where "Killing Eve" cleaned up on the night like any good assassin would, scooping awards for best drama series, best actress and best supporting actress. This was despite chat over whether the programme should have been included in the awards night at all. Some bother about it being screened over in America