Skip to main content

The female-only island, Trump's Irn-Bru and the embellished loafer

This reporter brings you tidings of bonne nouvelle. We're going on holiday. Pack your suitcase, get your neighbours to water the goldfish and walk the plants, and let's vacance.

Where are we headed, this reporter hears you ask? Well, she shall tell you, my most eager reader, we are going to a female-only island.

Isn't that prejudiced against all men folk, you respond. Well quite, says this reporter, but that is nothing compared to what is to come. But stop right there - this reporter will ruin her punchline.

Let's progress Bristol fashion to the departure lounge, but first, we must have a nosey around duty free. And what do we spy here but today's fashion fix - the embellished loafer. What a co-incidence. It's almost like this isn't real life at all but something someone's scribbled down just to 'entertain'.

The embellished loafer is 'the' spring shoe, encapsulating the practical with just the right amount of magic. (Thanks Vogue). From rhinestones to punky hardware, it is all about jazzing these sensible shoes up for the season.

Patent versions are available at Christopher Kane. Not getting too carried away with it are Dorateymur's sleek white loafers with tasteful buckle. Getting carried away with it are the slip on studded loafers from Sergio Rossi.

And then there is this reporter's favourite, Roger Vivier's duck egg blue satin version - like a cloudless spring blue sky. But enough of that. Let's catch that flight. I'll tell you more about the female-only island on the way.

Off the coast of the Baltic Sea in the Raseborg region of Finland, there is a women-only island that serves as the headquarters for the SuperShes - a female enclave founded by Forbes listed businesswoman Kristina Roth.

Ms Roth bought the 8.47 acre island entirely out of her own pocket in September 2017 to host retreats, for members of her 6,000 strong female tribe, aimed at strengthening the body, mind and soul. Activities include kayaking, breathing exercises, nutritional food and massages.

Many of you will now be thinking, where do I sign up? We come to the catch. Ms Roth set up SuperShes as a blog platform to build content for, and spotlight, 'interesting' women. It swiftly grew into a networking community and now an island retreat.

SuperShe members must be financially and emotionally independent women "striving to be the best version of themselves", as a mere starting point. Their entry to the community is by dazzling Ms Roth with their 'story', which must resonate with the SuperShe DNA.

Those who get onto the island are hand-picked and vetted by Ms Roth herself. The chosen ones must then fork out over £5,000 for the holiday. This reporter states that far from the initial promise of an idyllic retreat for all the sisterhood, this smacks of elitism to the highest degree.

Drink? A glass of Irn-Bru perhaps? Did you know this very drink has been banned from one of President Donald Trump's luxury golf resorts in Scotland. Considered something of a national drink, guests at Turnberry have nevertheless been banned from drinking it over fears its luminous orange colouring might stain the carpet.

The ban came to light after guests at the five-star hotel on the Ayrshire coast requested Irn-Bru and were refused because of concerns about potential spillage. Apparently, so the hotel claims, it would cost £500,000 to replace the ballroom carpet.

This reporter must say, she was quite sure Trump was a fan of the colour orange, but she can't quite think why.

So in summary, what have we learnt? Firstly, that some embellishments, such as on shoes, are good, whilst others - embellishments of the truth, (Irn Bru stains on carpets) - are really very very bad. Secondly, the holiday's off.

But you know, this reporter can sniff the scent of revolution in the air (or it may be the Paco Rabanne you squirted on yourself at duty free) and proposes we storm that island and claim back what's rightfully ours. Who's with me?

In the words of Mel Gibson in Braveheart: "They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom." Charge!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Political Vanity and the Topshop Rust Dress

"Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the best reporter of them all?"

"This Reporter is all right, but the best reporter by far is..."

Smash!

Hello and welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up and this week there is a distinct whiff of vanity in the air. From portraits and balloons, to TV shows and Google listings, without further ado - let the egos swell. Just beware the rusty nail.

Readers, This Reporter begins with the sensational news there has been a reason to be proud to be British this week, namely the rendition of Aretha Franklin's "Respect" by the Royal Welsh Guards at Buckingham Palace. The brass band version of the classic hit came as a surprise to passers-by at the changing of the guard and marked the day of the legendary soul singer's funeral in the most eccentric of British ways.

Crashing back down to earth with a bump and Parliament is back this week, with all eyes set on ensuring we make the smoothest and most p…

Carrot Fluff and the Leopard Print Evening Gown

PUBS have this week been told to stop serving "carrot fluff" to their customers and instead go back to good old-fashioned pub grub like bangers and mash. The hefty dollop of criticism came from "The Good Pub Guide" which decreed drinkers were being put off by baffling and pretentious menus.

"We don't want our dishes adorned with carrot fluff, edible sand or fish foam, leave that to the swanky restaurants", the Guide scolded. This Reporter reassures readers they won't find any carrot fluff in this week's news and style round-up. And yes she is using the food stuff as a metaphor. As always there will be plenty of those though, and a leopard print evening gown.

We kick off with the news two Russian military intelligence officers were behind the novichok poisonings in Salisbury -  with more than a suggestion the order of command came from top brass himself Vladimir Putin. Though he denies it, of course.

The "Perfume Poisoners" as This Re…

Impeachment, Scallop Wars and the School Blazer

Hello and welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up. And isn't it curious how the fortunes of Britain and America appear to be in perfect accord, as the two greatest disasters in living memory - the election of Trump and the Brexit referendum - have reached an apocalyptic pinnacle this week. The question is, when will we have the time, or opportunity, to buy our new school blazer?

Because politicians are getting ready for a new school term at the exclusive, fee-paying establishment which is Westminster, and this is to be the equivalent of an exam - rather than a 'doss' - year. As a result they have been inflicted with an element of holiday homework, namely the reading up on the No Deal “information papers”, which the Government ummed and ahhed over releasing. For fear the nation would collectively wet itself.
This would have been quite the handy solution, but as to flooding the place, This Reporter has just one question – whether the Dealers or No Deale…

Brexit Spoiler Alert and the Autumn Brogues

WE'RE going to be getting the political miles in this week so there's no other thing for it. Time to purchase our autumn brogues. Welcome to This Reporter's news and style round-up.

And we begin with the blast from the past which is Gordon Brown. Like Harold from Neighbours, we thought we were shot of him, until he showed up years later with a spot of amnesia. Though Mr Brown's brain cogs appear to be firing on all mathematical cylinders, as he warned us this week we were in danger of "sleepwalking" into another financial crisis - if world leaders did not work together in acting on the lessons of 2008.

The trouble is the former Labour chancellor (and lest we forget - Prime Minister) was unable to say what would trigger it. This Reporter wouldn't like to presume - Gordon's the 'money whizz' - but how about the small matter we have come to call Brexit, as suggested by the Bank of England's Mark Carney this week.

Talking of which, the Governm…

Brexit Titanic, Bond and the Balenciaga Sweater

THE sartorial equivalent of an exploding tin of Alphabetti spaghetti has hit the fashion world this week with the resurgence of the 90s trend for big shouty designer logos emblazoned all over clothes. And This Reporter can see this as no co-incidence of timing, as we witness a political front scant in truth-telling or plain-speaking but instead besmirched by skulduggery, twiddle-twoddle and bare-faced lies. You'll see. Welcome to your news and style round-up.

First up on the news podium is Jeremy Corbyn and listen..."speech, speech, speech, speech". That's the cacophonous call from multiple sides this week for the Labour leader to formally address claims of anti-semitism, both personally, and within his party.

One journalist, Gary Younge, a columnist for The Guardian, has gone so far as to write a speech for him. The gist of it runs that Corbyn must own his past mistakes, but issue the plea he has been more often than not on the right side of history.

Whether Corbyn&…