This reporter declares we have reached peak wedding obsession.
With the realisation that in a few weeks time we will no longer be able to speculate over the finite details of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's wedding, because it will be done and dusted, it appears the media is already trying to move our focus onto another potential wedding extravaganza - the nuptials of three-year-old Princess Charlotte.
The Evening Standard newspaper ran an article alluding to just that. With no sense of irony, it discussed the fact that whilst Charlotte is undeniably a Princess and fourth in line to the throne, when she marries (note the "when", not if) and has children, they will be unlikely to have titles.
The newspaper goes on to explain that there are only two ways to become a British princess. You either need to be born the daughter of a prince or you have to marry one.
But this reporter is still stuck several sentences back, struggling to come to terms with the assumption Princess Charlotte will ever marry, never mind have children.
Of course as a member of the royal family her natural lot is to help carry on the royal line. However, as we have had spelled out to us in the historical docu-soap which is The Crown, the evolution of the monarchy over the past 100 years has been nothing short of incredible, peaking with the welcoming in of Meghan Markle.
Charlotte is only three. By the time she reaches marrying age the royal family - if not completely defunct and living in a terraced house in Clapham - will have certainly undergone further alteration and Charlotte herself will be a young woman in a whole different world.
She may think nothing of backpacking off to the remote island of Kahoolawe and shacking up with a tribeswoman called Val.
This would have all been easy to dismiss amidst a recognised media obsession with all things royal, until Percy and Penny Pig came along. Percy and Penny, to the uninitiated, are gummy pig sweets available at Marks and Spencer.
In what amounts to an excursion off to planet loony land, M & S announced that Percy and Penny had got married at the weekend and it had bought out a special range of pig-faced sweets to celebrate. As this reporter was saying, we have reached peak wedding obsession.
Throw in the fact Premier Inn hotels are now in proud ownership of wedding vending machines which promise to dispense all those much-needed, and potentially forgotten, wedding essentials - spare adjustable wedding rings, wedding speeches with blank spaces for the names, last minute hair and make-up packages, even one size fits all wedding dresses - and we are in danger of tumbling right off nuptial's cliff and floundering forever in a purgatory of damp confetti and job lot spray tans.
That's why this week's must-have purchase is the wedding jumpsuit - the ultimate alternative to a wedding dress.
A garment which wrenches us out of the mindset of playing princess for the day - and all the sick-inducing panic this entails - and allows us to take huge strides back towards sanity.
This jumpsuit from Whistles would be ideal.
With the realisation that in a few weeks time we will no longer be able to speculate over the finite details of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's wedding, because it will be done and dusted, it appears the media is already trying to move our focus onto another potential wedding extravaganza - the nuptials of three-year-old Princess Charlotte.
The Evening Standard newspaper ran an article alluding to just that. With no sense of irony, it discussed the fact that whilst Charlotte is undeniably a Princess and fourth in line to the throne, when she marries (note the "when", not if) and has children, they will be unlikely to have titles.
The newspaper goes on to explain that there are only two ways to become a British princess. You either need to be born the daughter of a prince or you have to marry one.
But this reporter is still stuck several sentences back, struggling to come to terms with the assumption Princess Charlotte will ever marry, never mind have children.
Of course as a member of the royal family her natural lot is to help carry on the royal line. However, as we have had spelled out to us in the historical docu-soap which is The Crown, the evolution of the monarchy over the past 100 years has been nothing short of incredible, peaking with the welcoming in of Meghan Markle.
Charlotte is only three. By the time she reaches marrying age the royal family - if not completely defunct and living in a terraced house in Clapham - will have certainly undergone further alteration and Charlotte herself will be a young woman in a whole different world.
She may think nothing of backpacking off to the remote island of Kahoolawe and shacking up with a tribeswoman called Val.
This would have all been easy to dismiss amidst a recognised media obsession with all things royal, until Percy and Penny Pig came along. Percy and Penny, to the uninitiated, are gummy pig sweets available at Marks and Spencer.
In what amounts to an excursion off to planet loony land, M & S announced that Percy and Penny had got married at the weekend and it had bought out a special range of pig-faced sweets to celebrate. As this reporter was saying, we have reached peak wedding obsession.
Throw in the fact Premier Inn hotels are now in proud ownership of wedding vending machines which promise to dispense all those much-needed, and potentially forgotten, wedding essentials - spare adjustable wedding rings, wedding speeches with blank spaces for the names, last minute hair and make-up packages, even one size fits all wedding dresses - and we are in danger of tumbling right off nuptial's cliff and floundering forever in a purgatory of damp confetti and job lot spray tans.
That's why this week's must-have purchase is the wedding jumpsuit - the ultimate alternative to a wedding dress.
A garment which wrenches us out of the mindset of playing princess for the day - and all the sick-inducing panic this entails - and allows us to take huge strides back towards sanity.
This jumpsuit from Whistles would be ideal.
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