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Christopher Chope, Jezfest and the Rosamosario Peter Pan dressing gown

Cue Rocky theme music - duff, duff duff duff, duff duff duff, duff duff durrrrr...

In the red corner we have Christopher Chope MP, decked out in velvet smoking jacket, puffing nonchalantly on a Hamlet cigar. In the blue corner we have This Reporter, resplendent in a Rosamosario Peter Pan, feather-trimmed, crystal-embellished, silk dressing gown - in manner of an (albeit rather fancy) boxer entering the ring, you understand. Because this reporter can tell you dear reader, she is fuming and bruising for a fight - as they say.

She will tell you for why.

It all began back in the Houses of Parliament on Friday when it came to the passing of a bill to make upskirting - the voyeuristic act of putting a camera up a person's skirt and taking a photograph of their knicker gusset -  a specific crime.

An offender would receive two years in prison as the result of a hard fought battle by the bold and brilliant Gina Martin, who decided to campaign for a change in the law after police refused to prosecute a man who upskirted her at a music festival.

However...

"Object" rang the cry from a rung of the Tory benches - more specifically from the seat of Christopher Chope, MP for Christchurch, who with this one single word has blocked the Upskirting Bill from running smoothly through Parliament and instead will see it debated and voted upon in July.

In an oppositional move which appears a mere skip away from "just doing it for the laugh",  Mr Chope, has since revealed to the papers he does not even know what upskirting is and instead is frequently found to "object" to a host of private members bills being passed through the house, because he does not agree with the system of passing a bill without debate.

Meanwhile as he stands by his precious little principles, a very important bill which represents far more than simply making upskirting a crime, to women across the country, has been delayed and so Mr Chope must be "made to pay" for his actions.

The trouble is, this reporter has not the slightest clue about boxing - in fact she is something of a pacifist. She knew she should have followed in the steps of one quite ingenious Christchurch constituent who put a washing line of undergarments outside Chope's door instead. This reporter will peg her dressing gown up here in an act of solidarity and just in time as the news headlines are in...

And long-suffering first lady Melania Trump has finally broken her silence and appears to have spoken directly out in opposition to her husband Donald Trump by declaring she "hates to see" the quite frankly barbaric act of separating refugee children from their parents at the Mexican border.

Reports state that children, some incredibly young, have been taken away from their parents and put in cages. One newspaper alleges border guards have been heard to give the excuse to parents that their little ones are being taken away to have a bath, and haven't we heard that line somewhere before?!

Melania declared: "we need to be a country that follows all laws" but also one that "governs with heart". If only this were the beginning of the uprising.

Elsewhere the Tory rebels have pledged to bring down the government if they do not get a proper say on the final Brexit Bill when it comes back to Parliament. Following last week's shenanigans which witnessed an exhausting too-ing and fro-ing between pro-European MPs and Theresa May as she tried to "bribe them" to vote in line with the government on amendments to the European Withdrawal Bill, arch-Tory rebel Dominic Grieve has read the small print on Mrs May's promised "decent vote" document and found she is trying to rip them off.

He has declared he and his fellow rebels are prepared to bring down Mrs May and her government over it but, pressed on the matter, he has admitted the "bringing down" is scheduled not for this week, as anticipated, but the week after next. Stay tuned.

Meanwhile JezFest "went off" with a whimper over the weekend, with ticket sales so low they not only had to "bribe" cool kid's favourite Clean Bandit to headline the quasi-political, quosi- musical festival, but also began giving tickets away at slashed prices to get the numbers up.

JezFest had seemed an excellent idea six months ago when Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn was riding high on popularity, rubbing shoulders with Grime artists and eliciting mammoth cheers on stage at Glastonbury, but a lot has changed in his fortunes since - antisemitism, something about wearing a Russian hat, refusing to take a hard line against Brexit - and the youth decided they had better things to do, like Snapchat.

Appearing on stage at the Fest, Jeremy's warrior talk was still very much on point, as he spouted the socialist ideals of revamping the education system, bringing rail, mail and water back into public ownership and calling for the Tory's, "the party of the rich for the rich", to step aside and let the people take over, sentiments which quite frankly should appeal to anyone with a heart and a brain and any other attributes the Wizard of Oz may have been dolling out at the time.

But the reality is the emerald green curtain has very much been pulled back and we have all realised that Jeremy Corbyn is nothing but a little old man promising good stuff through a loud hailer...

Oh heck. Chope's put out his cigar and he's got his boxing gloves on. This reporter best nip back and get her dressing gown.

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