Skip to main content

Multi-bagging, the Trump tube strike and female football commentators

Crashes in, flings something large and unwieldy into the corner of the room and flops down into her desk chair.

Reader - this reporter is having a mare. She has had to drag that thing - points, inexplicably, (deliriously) towards the ceiling - up stairs and down stairs, on and off the tube, and if she had a pound for every person who shouted "Watch it Grandma" she would now be as rich as one of Nigel Farage's hedge fund mates.

But we must dwell no longer on this reporter's self-inflicted dramas. We are here today to talk about "multi-bagging". Now this reporter firmly suggests you do not let your mind wander over what this could actually be - it is neither good for mind, body - nor soul.

She feels it expedient to bust down the wall of confusion tout suite and explain "multi-bagging" is the act of carrying around more than one bag. Yes, it really is that simple. And it's become a fashion thing thanks to pop star Rhianna who was 'caught' doing it at Paris Fashion Week.

She had what appeared to be the whole of Louis Vuitton's bag collection slung about her person but, a more sensible journalist within the Guardian's fashion pages has explained, amounted to just three of the designer's new spring 2019 collection - the Keepall duffle bag, the Danube bag worn as a belt bag and the Petite Boite Chapeau.

Of course the practise of "multi-bagging" is something which many of us are already acquainted with out of pure necessity but this reporter has to break it to you - you are not going to make it into the pages of a glossy magazine for carrying your old canvas tote bag, your standard issue black cross body handbag and a Tesco carrier bag all at once.

This reporter does have a solution to all of this however and it's that contraption, which she has flung into the corner there - the shopping bag on wheels as favoured by the old folk. The actual practicality of having to pull all your stuff along behind you down busy streets strewn with carefree satchel wearers has proved mighty testing this morning, this reporter can tell you, but with the right 'brand to celebrity' endorsement - she has in mind Taylor Swift - this idea could be a goer. You can even get one here - at Argos.

Time for the news headlines and this reporter was delighted to read that tube workers will be striking on the day of Donald Trump's visit to London on July 13th. She was less delighted to discover on further reading that the strike was not actually as a direct result of the most odious of presidents coming to the UK but was a standard strike over working conditions and pay. The date was nothing but a co-incidence but could put a spanner in the works for those bottom wagglers hoping to use the tube to get to their destination.

Meanwhile, the saga that is Boris Johnson rumbles on with the news that the government is giving him the "cold shoulder" since he went awol in Afghanistan rather than vote on Heathrow's third runway. This reporter's favourite quote, from an unknown MP,  regarding the cold-shouldering has to be: "He was giving his usual bollocks about Brexit but ministers are losing patience with him". It's these moments that get you through, isn't it.

Finally, slicing through the jocularity comes former Chelsea footballer Jason Cundy, who has been forced to apologise after saying he prefers men to commentate football matches because women's "high pitched" voices grate on him. It was, unfortunately, Piers Morgan who called him out as a "sexist pig" for making the comment on Good Morning Britain and appears to have come off the back of an increased amount of women fronting news reports and commentary around the globe during this World Cup.

And of course, Mr Cundy is right to be upset about this female invasion of what has heretofore been considered a man's game. This reporter suggests all us females get our wheelie shopping bags and get back to the grocery store where we belong (as quick as these cumbersome contraptions allow anyway). For fear if we stick around here too long, it may be discovered that this is yet another thing we can do just as well as the boys.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Stranded in Brexit Britain - A Taco Sauce Survival Tale

WITH three weeks to go and about as much readiness as you can fit into a Borrower's knapsack, the pressing question remains, who is going to stop Brexit? The obvious candidate, not to go all Rees-Mogg on you, is the Queen. Who in theory, if not in practise, has the power and from previous allusions, thinks Brexit a load of piffle.
Failing the Queen, who let's face it has her hands full as a member of the sandwich generation - wrangling the car keys out of Prince Philip's mitts on the one hand and helping Meghan practise for her hypno-birth, on the other. If the Queen is not available there are "dupes" for her.
Victoria Beckham is to deliver a Queen's Speech on "Christmas Day" in March to launch her YouTube channel, on basis these speeches are "quite popular" and as we are constantly reminded by those around her, Mrs Beckham is witty and self-deprecating. Highlights will include her rallying cry to get people to subscribe to her channel: &q…

Corbyn's Phoney People's Vote, Pot Shots and Gigantic Bows

FROM Corbyn's phoney call for a People's Vote and the cliffhanger pot shot video tape, to the Roksanda blouse with the enormous bows, welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up.

Cadbury can only be a sugar rush away from filing a trademark infringement against the British government (to wit - the "Crunchie") as the political world of farcical doom entered yet another of its relentless crunch weeks. Providing, of course, the Crunchie bar was packed from first bite instead of with honeycomb, space dust, and instead of with space dust, TNT and instead of with TNT, nuclear active garbage just 29 days away from detonate, because that's about where we are with Brexit.
Prime Minister Theresa May is under the mistaken impression that the best way to avoid cataclysmic disaster is to dodge it. Colloquially known as "the swerve". As that is exactly what she has done over the meaningful vote - part numero deux - on her deal, which was due to take…

Bercow Bans Brexit Vote 3, Tram Shooting and the Tortoise Illusion Cake

FROM John Bercow banning a third Brexit vote and another suspected terrorist attack - this time on a tram in Utrecht - to the ultimate in tortoise illusion cakes (spoiler alert: it wasn't a cake) welcome to This Reporter's daily news round-up.

Some have called it a massive spanner in the works, others a "constitutional crisis", whilst those more scholarly types have plumped for "Erskine Mayhem". Either way we are all talking about Common's Speaker John Bercow making the "shock" announcement yesterday (Monday) he was banning Prime Minister Theresa May from putting her Brexit deal before Parliament for meaningful vote a third time, unless it underwent substantial changes.
What Mr Bercow appears to have done is got the PM on an historical technicality. Quoting from the guide to parliamentary procedure, Erskine May (no relation to our leader) he said the Commons could not be "repeatedly asked to pronounce" on the same question.
Inevitabl…

Brexit Crisis, Boris "Spaffed" Johnson and Prince Charles' Beach Bod

FROM MPs' dawning revelation that yes, Brexit is in crisis and Boris Johnson's leadership bid "spaffed up a wall", to Prince Charles' "impressive" beach bod, welcome to This Reporter's daily news round-up.

"It's like the last days of Rome". A direct quote there, which shows at long last MPs have cottoned on to what the rest of the country/Europe/the world could have told them months and months (and months) ago -  Brexit is at crisis point.
Prime Minister Theresa May herself admitted that things were not going quite according to plan yesterday (Tuesday) and, to be frank, exiting the European Union on 29th March (next week) probably wasn't going to happen.
But instead of taking some form of useful action to try and sort this crisis out, she has decided to make a move which will only takes things from shockingly bad to unfathomably worse. This Reporter refers to Mrs May writing to EU Chief Michael Barnier to request only a short exten…

Brexit: Where's Barbara Cartland's magic acorn when you need it?

THERE are no words - quite the technical hitch when it comes to writing - to do justice to the single greatest political calamity of our generation. This Reporter considered instead using expressionist art or shadow puppetry. She would make a concerted effort at it for five minutes before setting fire to the whole damn lot - as symbolism.
As alternative, let's start with the bare-boned facts of the matter. Prime Minister Theresa May lost her second meaningful vote on her Brexit deal in Parliament on Tuesday night by a stonking 391 votes to 242. Not the complete annihilation of meaningless vote part numero one, but still an almost unprecedented disaster.
David Cameron, tracked down at his lair, said: "I don't understand why MPs who have always wanted Brexit keep voting against it". Well David, sometimes people do the most unfathomable of things don't they. But back to the facts.
Mrs May's promise of votes on No Deal and Article 50 extension are coming up next.…