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Shell suits, coleslaw and "Where's Boris?"

It comes to something when coleslaw is provoking heated discussion but that is indeed the case in what appears to be the greatest school dinner-related uprising of public contention since Jamie Oliver outlawed turkey twizzlers.

It all began when £24,000-a-year private girls' school St Paul's announced they were holding an austerity day which would see jacket potatoes served up for lunch. So far so 'tone deaf' responded critics of the move which was seen to be far removed from actually helping alleviate other children from economic difficulty.

But when it was revealed that the jacket potatoes were to be accompanied not only by baked beans but also a serving of coleslaw, the mood on Twitter became apoplectic. The mayonnaise-laced dish of shredded cabbage and carrot was deemed an absolute luxury for any school canteen on any given day and begged the question what the pupils of St Paul's were usually dining on? (Poached peacock).

Continuing on with an 'eateries' theme and Donald Trump has risen to his press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders defence, after she was kicked out of the Red Hen Restaurant in Lexington for lacking moral code, with all his usual pompous depravity by claiming the Red Hen is "dirty". He blasted: "The Red Hen Restaurant should focus more on cleaning its filthy canopies, doors and windows (badly needs a paint job) rather than refusing to serve a fine person like Sarah Huckabee Sanders. I always had a rule, " he added, "if a restaurant is dirty on the outside, it is dirty on the inside."

It took just 23 seconds, or thereabouts, for someone to syphon out and paste on Twitter an article slamming Trump's own Mar-a-Lago restaurant which appears to epitomise the term "dirty" after being found in breach of a plethora of health regulations including serving raw or undercooked fish, meat stored at unsafe temperatures and coolers filled with rusty shelves.

Not to be spotted in any kind of dinner queue, luxury, austerity or otherwise, was MP Boris Johnson who generated a "fun" note in British politics yesterday (Monday) when we all got to play a game of "Where's Boris" as we speculated over what possible pressing business could mean he was to be absent from the vote on Heathrow's third runway.

Opposition to this scheme not only secured him a place as London's mayor and a shoe-in for the Tory safe seat of Uxbridge, where constituents are firmly against Heathrow expansion, but Boris had pledged to chain himself to the bulldozer rather than let the new £14 billion runway project go ahead.

The "Where's Boris" game was brought to a disappointingly premature close however when someone uploaded a photo of Boris alongside foreign minister Hekmat Karzai in Afghanistan. And Boris has responded to calls for him to resign for failing to stand by one of his major policies by retorting it "would do no good" - except of course to get rid of Boris Johnson.

Parliament was "put on lockdown" as green-minded protesters, up in arms over the environmental impact of a third Heathrow runway, arguably did Boris' dirty work for him by lying down in the Westminster lobby in protest, but to no avail as the motion was passed by a whopping 415 votes to 119.

A further kick in the teeth for anyone with a modicum of care for the future of our planet, was the fact yesterday saw the defeat by government of "world first" plans for a £1.3 billion tidal lagoon in Swansea which would be a major source of renewable energy, but was deemed by MPs, ironically, to be too costly.

Finally, this reporter feels the announcement that 80s shell suits are making a return to the fashion stage to be poorly timed as she and her fellow humans battle a heatwave which has left her insides something around 33.3 per cent molten lava.

But we must press on in the name of style and force our over-heated limbs into any of the offerings from the catwalk. Perhaps the one from Gucci emblazoned with flames crafted from crystal - as this reporter believes being stuffed into one would leave her feeling like a turkey ready for roasting at Christmas, or perhaps ready to be twizzled for St Paul's next austerity dinner.

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