Skip to main content

The Jilly Cooper interview, a ground-breaking cure for cancer and the Rock n' Rose hair scarf

"Fame I'm gonna live forever..."

Good afternoon and welcome back to a special, roadshow edition of Fame, the celebrity spotlight televisual programme presented by none other than yours truly, This Reporter.

Here we are squirreled away in a delightful cattle shed somewhere deep in the British countryside waiting for this afternoon's guest to arrive. She is a journalist and prolific best-selling author. With novels including "Rider", "Jump" and "Mount" she is undeniably the queen of the "posh bonkbuster". Here to talk about modern men, starting out and Germaine Greer's latest contentious comments on rape, ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for Jilly Cooper OBE.

Press play on the ghetto blaster Gary.

"Keep rollin', rollin', rollin. Though the streams are swollen. Keep them dogies rollin', rawhide..."

This Reporter: Jilly Cooper. Welcome. Pull up a hay bale.

Jilly Cooper: Why thank-you. (Looks around uncertainly, eyeing a cow pat on the floor nearby). What a lovely location you have here.

This Reporter: (oblivious) Thanks very much. Now Jilly, down to business as they say and I wanted to first ask your opinion on the modern man.

Jilly Cooper: (laughs) Men cry all the time now. The whole time, always crying. And they have beards. I have an adorable gay friend who has lost his partner. He's just started going on the internet now and said it is extraordinary - it is all married men waiting to have gay affairs. Do you think they are so terrified of women now it is safer to go with their own sex?

TR: (hoping it's a rhetorical question, moves on) You started out on your writing career as a journalist. Can you recall how you got your first big break?

JC: Oh yes, I joined the Sunday Times Magazine as a columnist in 1969 and I remember having lunch with the editor Godfrey Smith. I said "Oh, it is so difficult being a young wife. One gets up in the morning, one goes to work, one comes home, one cleans one's flat, one cooks dinner, one washes one's husband's clothes, one goes to bed and has sex all night. And it starts all over again. After six months you die of exhaustion". He roared with laughter and said: "Write about that".

TR: Germaine Greer has caused controversy recently by saying the punishment for rape should be reduced and it should not be seen as a violent crime but mostly lazy, careless and insensitive. What is your opinion on that?

JC: I think she's terribly clever. I think she's brilliant, but is there a word for applause junkie? Is that terribly rude? I don't want to be rude. I think she's wonderful, but I think she will say something outrageous just to get everybody going.

TR: (nods in agreement) Well, Jilly. It has been a pleasure. Everyone please put your hands together once again for Jilly Cooper.

Jilly gets up and almost immediately skids on the cow pat and takes a tumble into a nearby haystack.

This reporter shakes her head sadly before bellowing "tractor for Jilly". That's another one that won't be back.

"...people will see me and cry".

Thankfully the fashion world can be relied upon for a solution. Fashionistas declare your ponytail is starkly under dressed without this summer's must-have accessory, the hair scarf. Tie it around your ponytail or knot it around a high bun to guarantee the most stylish tresses in town - or country. Try this one from Rock n' Rose for size.

It's time for the news and MPs have been granted an emergency debate on Northern Ireland's abortion ban. This comes after Prime Minister Theresa May refused to get involved with the issue following a landslide referendum in the Republic of Ireland voting in favour of scraping its own ban on abortion. House of Commons Speaker John Bercow approved Labour MP Stella Creasy's request for the debate, which will take place next Tuesday.

A woman has been completely cured of breast cancer after doctors tweaked her immune system, enabling it to destroy the tumours that had spread through her body. Judy Perkins from Florida is the first patient to have successfully received an application of T-cell immunotherapy for late-stage breast cancer and has now been cancer free for two years. While the technique is still in its early days, scientist have welcomed its potential as a future treatment for cancer.

Somewhere back in the depths of the countryside...
"You'll be hearing from my lawyer", a slightly harassed looking Jilly shrieks as she's carted off in a wheelbarrow.

Hmmm, we'll be needing more scarfs.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020. A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it. But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people&#

Meghan and Harry "grin in the rain" and the Kimono-wearing fox killer

FROM Meghan and Harry making their first appearance in the UK together since Megxit, to the kimono-wearing fox killer who appears to have been cleared of all crimes, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Friday 6th March 2020. Yes that's right, This Reporter is declaring this particular news gathering outlet a Coronavirus free zone as we kick off today's headlines with the news Meghan and Harry, otherwise known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have returned to the UK and had their photograph taken together, under an umbrella, in the rain. The couple were in town - London specifically - as they wind up their official duties before bowing out of royal life forever, with last night's paparazzi extravaganza related to their attendance at the Endeavour Film awards. With what we can only assume were fixed grins on their faces as they braved the weather, and the fact these moments under the media spotlight, were exactly what they were talking about when

Government accused of Coronavirus cover-up and Veggie Corbyn booed at kebab awards

FROM the UK Government announcing it will only release Coronavirus data weekly, to vegetarian Jeremy Corbyn presenting an award for the best kebab, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Thursday 5th March 2020. The Government has been accused of withholding information about the spread of Coronavirus after a 70 per cent increase in confirmed cases prompted health chiefs to stop providing daily updates on the location of new infections. Instead they will be provided on a Friday in a weekly round-up. Thirty six new UK cases were announced yesterday (Wednesday) bringing the grand total to 87 people. A former director at Public Health England said the move to weekly updates should be reconsidered to allow the public to make informed decisions. In related news, the Government is putting in place contingency plans, should the virus outbreak become widespread, to close Parliament for up to three months to stop 650 potential "super spreaders". Which gives Th

Summer Riots, Eskimos and Camping It Up at the MET

THERE will be riots on the streets if the Government continues to roll out its controversial Universal Credit benefits system. That is the warning from former Prime Minister Gordon Brown who predicts a return to poll tax-style chaos and a summer of discontent if Theresa May does not call a halt to the scheme. The Universal Credit system combines six benefits in one and is set for a full national roll out next year, despite countless reports of claimants already on it being plunged into dire financial straits as a result. Mr Brown said: "Surely the greatest burning injustice of all is children having to go to school ill-clad and hungry. It is the poverty of the innocent - of children too young to know they are not to blame". This Reporter comments, it really must be a sign of the times, that Gordon Brown returning as Prime Minister seems a welcome idea. Moving on and President of America, Donald Trump has declared his daughter Ivanka would be "dynamite" as the

Corbyn's Bodyguard and the People's Vote

SUCH is the nation's obsession with BBC's Bodyguard, This Reporter would argue, that a journalist from the Mirror felt it fitting - nay, par to the course - to ask Jeremy Corbyn's bodyguard what question he should put to the Labour leader during the party conference, underway this week. Abdul Abouker, for indeed, that is his name (and would we have been even remotely interested in this factoid pre-Keeley Hawes and Richard Madden enlivening our TV sets of a Sunday evening - "no This Reporter, absolutely not") admittedly didn't quite get to the crux of the issues dominating the 2018 Labour Conference in Liverpool - the anti-Semitism, the austerity, the People's Vote (more on that later). Mr Abouker, 30, suggested Mr Corbyn be asked how he deals with all the stress. The answer, for anyone declaring an interest, is running, exercising, reading and tending his allotment. In between the stress of managing to avoid answering a single question on Brexit for th