Skip to main content

Big Brexit House in the Country and Vetements glow in the dark trainers

Readers - the news is cracking on apace. What with Big Brexit House in the Country, four out in Thai Cave Rescue, England going through to the World Cup semi-final and breaking: David Davis exiting Brexit, we must dive in without further dismay, sorry, delay.

And it had been looking surprisingly (suspiciously) good for our Prime Minister Theresa May when all her Cabinet agreed to her soft, cherry-picked, have your cake and eat it, Brexit during an away day at her country pad, Chequers, on Friday.

Bar the slight technicality that this was exactly the sort of plan the EU had warned they would reject out of hand and the fact Mrs May had threatened her ministers with having to take public transport home should they fight against her "collective responsibility" whip, the most Mrs May had to deal with was Boris Johnson saying "well you can't polish a turd" and even that was ambiguous in its direction - whether a comment on the Brexit plan or Mrs May herself.

In manner of rat escaping sinking ship it was Brexit Secretary David Davis who decided, in the early hours of Monday morning, to hand in his resignation. In what comes across as an "it's not you, it's me" style letter to the Prime Minister,  he claimed he could not deliver a Brexit he did not believe in.

The newspapers are reporting this has left the government in "complete and utter chaos". Many elsewhere are puzzling over what loss the man who spent a grand total of four hours negotiating with Michel Barnier over Brexit in the last year, and appears to be neither enthused by or up to the Brexit challenge, will be.

The killer question for today (Monday) is, how is Mrs May going to see her way through this one and, perhaps more pivotally, who will be exiting the Big Brexit House next?

There is news on Thai Cave Rescue. Four boys out of twelve who became stranded, along with their football coach, after the cave they were in became flooded, have so far been delivered to safety.

Parents are camping out on site in the hope of being reunited with their children who have been down in the caves for nearly two weeks. Brave British divers have today returned to the caves to try and free the remaining eight boys and the coach before monsoon rains hit and make exiting an impossibility for months.

There appears to be no bad feeling between the coach or the boys' parents who have been exchanging letters through the wonder of modern technology.

The apparent accidental poisoning of two people with Novichok in Salisbury has turned into a murder case after one of them, Dawn Sturgess, died. Ms Sturgess and her partner Charlie Rowley - who remains in a critical condition - were poisoned with the nerve agent last weekend after, it is believed, coming into contact with an object missed during a massive clear-up of the town following the attempted assassination of Russian spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia earlier in the year.

Counter terrorism officers are investigating, although there appears to be some hesitance to blame Russia this time round. This reporter wonders if this is something to do with...

The England football team is blazing a steady trail towards bringing the winner's cup home after beating Sweden in the quarters finals of the World Cup tournament, being held in Russia (RUSSIA), at the weekend.

The England squad will now face Croatia in the semi-finals after the Croatian team rather miraculously beat the hosts Russia (RUSSIA), who this reporter was sure were a shoe in for the final. (Not to say, for legal reasons, Russia would have rigged the competition in any way).

Of course there are always those England fans who have to let everyone else down - namely those who thought it fitting to celebrate beating Sweden by jumping on the beds in their local branch of Ikea. This reporter is certain 'Daddy' Southgate would not approve.

And finally, operating in a blissful vacuum away from football chants and Brexit condemnation, we have Claudia Winkleman's style column for The Sunday Times, in which she recommends we all purchase a pair of, "stop you in your tracks", glow in the dark trainers.

She states not since giant crumpets has there been a greater invention than a pair of Vetements trainers, which due to their 'glowing' credentials, can never be lost in the back of the wardrobe again.

Perhaps the government could each do with a pair, because at this rate, in the, slightly modified, words of Lucy from 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe', it looks like it's "always going to be Brexit, Brexit but never Christmas" here.






Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Boris Disaggregates the Barney and Rylan Jostles for PM

WELCOME to This Reporter's weekly news round-up and this week there has been a concerted effort on This Reporter's part, not to discuss either Boris Johnson or the Tory leadership contest more generally. Let's see how that pans out.

Monday 24th June and Jeremy Hunt is leading the call for his Tory leadership rival Boris Johnson to come clean about the incident with his girlfriend at her London flat on Friday evening. Cabinet ministers, backbenchers and major party donors, not to mention the public, are all expecting Johnson to give some kind of explanation after police were called out by concerned neighbours who heard his girlfriend Carrie Symonds screaming "get off me" and "get out of my flat", accompanied by the sounds of slamming doors and smashing glasses.
Mr Hunt said Mr Johnson needed to show "he can answer difficult questions", before accusing him of appearing willing to "slink through the back door" of No 10 by "pathetica…

Neil Fromage, Scrapping the Sin Tax and Fantastic Arctic Fox

Monday 1st July and Labour is calling for an investigation into an anonymous leak to the Times newspaper that Jeremy Corbyn was too frail to be PM. Corbyn's team have refuted the allegation their leader is not "firing on all cylinders", with a spokesperson elaborating: "Jeremy Corbyn is as fit as a fiddle - people 20 years younger struggle to keep up with him". The leak is believed to have come from civil servants who have been accused of undermining democracy.
Tory PM wannabe Jeremy Hunt meanwhile has said he was prepared to look family businesses in the eye and say their sacrifice was worth it, should they go bust as a result of no deal Brexit. These words came as he insisted a no deal would be necessary, if a deal could not be struck by October, to show the world the UK listened to its people.
Accompanied by the sounds of a whale chorus, TV naturalist David Attenborough made a surprise appearance on stage at Glastonbury to thank the crowds for making the fes…

Slugs and snails and puppy-dogs' tails - How we made Boris Johnson

"Beware those men, the jokers and the tricksters and the clowns. They will laugh us into hell" - Years and Years

Monday 17th June and the PM hopefuls took part in a televised debate on Channel 4 on Sunday evening. With the principle objective for Jeremy Hunt, Sajid Javid, Dominic Raab, Michael Gove, and Rory Stewart being, trying to prove more charismatic and interesting than an empty chair, as shoe-in Boris Johnson failed to turn up. It took until after the ad break for Mr Hunt to address the situation, saying: "I just want to say, where is Boris?" Whilst Rory Stewart, speaking of the leadership contest, gave us the profound: "It reminds me...I was trying to cram a whole series of rubbish bags into the...rubbish bin. And my wife said 'you're never going to get those three huge bags of rubbish in'. And I was tempted, like Michael, like Dominic, to say "believe in the bin! Believe in Britain! Right? It's nonsense", and the conspiratoria…

"Wacky Ambassador", #AbolishEton and Snowball the Dancing Cockatoo

Monday 8th July and incoming Prime Minister Boris Johnson has jabbed his whetted finger into the air, like a reverse dipstick, to test the latest mood swing of the nation and decreed this week he would best serve himself by backing a no deal Brexit. So here he goes saying he is going to make Britain "match fit" for a no deal departure "come what may", continuing, he was fed up with people claiming it cannot be done. "I have had enough of being told that we cannot do it - that the sixth biggest economy in the world is not strong enough to run itself and go forward in the world".
Over the weekend more than 30 Tories mumbled, in main part, anonymously, that they would block a no deal Brexit, should it be forced through Parliament. Rory Stewart, who became approximately two-eighths living legend for his earlier show in the PM leadership contest, for truth-saying, has gone a little off method with this more revolutionary idea. He declared he would organise an …

Rudd's resignation, Trump's visit and Kat Von D's indestructible eyeliner

You better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout. I'm telling you why. Donald Trump is coming to town.

More about that later. First, some serious news. (This reporter puts on her most sensible of news reading glasses). The Guardian reports today (Monday) that Amber Rudd has "dramatically" resigned as home secretary after "repeatedly struggling to account for her role in the unjust treatment of Windrush generation migrants."

The documenter of our times continues: "The home secretary was forced to step down after a series of revelations in the Guardian over Windrush culminated in a leak on Friday that appeared to show she was aware of targets for removing illegal migrants from Britain.

"The pressure increased late on Sunday afternoon as the Guardian revealed that in a leaked 2017 letter to Theresa May, Rudd had told the Prime Minister of her intention to increase deportations by 10 per cent - seemingly at odds with her recent denials that she w…