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Danny Dyer, the Fart Act and yolk yellow

Put your trotters up. It's time for the news.

And the story which jostles its way to the top of the conversation pool - like a particularly buoyant submarine - is Danny Dyer's Brexit rant.

Now this reporter does apologise to anyone of a more sensitive disposition as the following tete-a-tete does contain some 'cuss' words but it is these, delivered in an unfettered, spittle-infused, slightly "lager lager, mega mega white thing" manner, which has caused the nation to take the fake landlord of the Queen Vic to their battle-scarred hearts.

Chatting on "Good Evening Britain" - a spin off of "Good Morning Britain" hosted by Piers Morgan and Susanna Reid - actor Danny Dyer was nestled on the sofa between Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn and former Baywatch star and 90s pin-up Pamela Anderson - and we could just stop all this right there and ponder on that tableau for the foreseeable - but we simply do not have time.

Questioned about Brexit, Dyer said (and strap yourselves in): "No one has got a F-ing clue what Brexit is, yeah. You watch Question Time. It's comedy. No one knows what it is. It's like this mad riddle...
"So what's happened to that twat David Cameron who called it off? Let's be fair. How come he can scuttle off? He called this on. Where is he? He's in Europe. In Nice. With his trotters up. Where is the geezer? I think he should be held accountable for it."
Dyer then finishes off with a second, and final: "Twat".

This reporter concedes Dyer's rant is probably the best thing that has come out of Brexit. The whole clown-show may just have been worth it to hear that second "Twat", however, whilst we all rise out of our seats and applaud Dyer for a frankness which, quite frankly, and without exception, no one else even begins to possess on the subject, this reporter would like to argue that it is this kind of hot-headed disillusionment with how this country is being run, which got us into leaving the EU in the first place.

On being asked for her views on Dyer's rant, Theresa May - who may or may not still be trying to work out the hidden message behind being presented a football jersey in Belgium with "Hazard 10" written on the back - was heard to say Mr Dyer is entitled to his opinion, which this reporter confidently interprets means Mrs May, quite justifiably, also thinks David Cameron is a...

Moving on, and hold your noses, because elsewhere Donald Trump is apparently thinking of bringing in a Fart Act. With no sense of irony, or any kind of clue of the implication, Trump (TRUMP) is planning to walk away from the World Trade Organisation and instead adopt a United States Fair and Reciprocal Tariff Act, or Fart Act - to the great glee of journalists everywhere.

On a serious note, this Fart Act would enable Trump to abandon WTO rules and raise tariffs on goods without the consent of Congress. On a less serious, and more enjoyable, platform, it doesn't appear Trump has realised the poorly judged acronym behind this proposed act. Unless this is yet another diversion tactic on the part of the American President, as whilst we all make jokes about passing wind, he can pass an act which could cause devastation for global trading. Just a thought.

Another puzzlement, if you like, is what is going on with Brexit baddie, Nigel Farage's hair. The former UKIP leader was interviewed for Sky at the tail end of last week with distinctly blond looking locks. There were instant rumblings on Twitter that Mr Farage had dyed his hair in honour of his idol, the aforementioned Donald Trump. There was even talk Mr Farage had achieved this look with the help of sun lightening spray, Sun-In.

On being questioned, about whether he had indeed used Sun-In, Mr Farage, said he had not. He did not however ask the interviewer what Sun-In was and this reporter would like to put this single piece of evidence to the jury that categorically swings the case in favour of the prosecution.

Finishing on a fashion note (and Mr Farage will be pleased to hear), that the brightest of bright yellows is the colour of the season. From sunflower to egg yolk, the full spectrum of zinging tones are in and have been spotted through Anna Wintour's sunglasses on the catwalks of Calvin Klein, Balenciaga and Jacquemus. Vogue magazine declares it is the colour to "uplift us". This reporter argues, in light of our current situation, (see above) there's simply not enough yolk.

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