Skip to main content

Hello Kitty, Novichok and traffic-stopping sandals

Kon'nichiwa, nyusu ni yokoso, or, to this reporter's non-Japanese speaking friends - hello, and welcome to the news.

And would you Adam and Eve it, Japan is the first stop-off on today's journey, to discuss their Hello Kitty bullet train. Never fear, you have not become embroiled in one of this reporter's umami-induced anxiety dreams. This is real-life news in Japan.

Over the next three months, you can take a trip across the western reaches of this comic-book loving country on the pink and white Hello Kitty bullet train, complete with Hello Kitty-themed carriages and a life-sized Hello Kitty conductress (not one to meet down a dark alley, admittedly).

The hope is the hugely popular feline cartoon character will bring in masses of tourists. And no doubt, once done, the train will be cleaned until sparkling and packed neatly away - in manner of the Japanese changing room when they exited the World Cup, complete with paw-print stamped thank-you note.

The news headlines are in and this reporter is sure we can all be forgiven for thinking it something of a groundhog day regarding news of a second novichok poisoning in Salisbury. Initially it was believed Britishers Dawn Sturgess and Charlie Rowley had taken a contaminated batch of recreational drugs until they started exhibiting some suspicious symptoms.

It has since been confirmed they did indeed have novichok in their system, the nerve agent which was deployed in Salisbury back in March to poison Russian spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia. The counter-terrorism team is in to find out the source of this second poisoning.

Meanwhile, as a woman climbs the Statue of Liberty in protest to Trump's immigration policy, the man himself has been taken down a peg or two by the Merriam-Webster dictionary. Ironically, during a tweet bragging about his writing prowess, the American President was pounced upon by the word buffs for using the wrong "pour" in a sentence.

Trump tweeted that the 'Fake News' likes to "pour" over his tweets for mistakes. Merriam-Webster intervened by pointing out he had in actual fact made yet another mistake, informing Mr Trump, to "pore over" means " to read or study very carefully" and to "pour over" means "to make expensive coffee". Before adding, unnecessarily but quite brilliantly, to "comb over" means "to comb hair from the side of the head to cover the bald spot".

Whilst a veggie burger that "bleeds" fake blood has been accused of posing "existential" threat to New Zealand's beef industry. The 'Impossible Burger', which is being served on flights on Air New Zealand has excited the wrath of acting prime minister Winston Peters who said he is "utterly opposed to fake meat". This reporter is mystified by the fact any non-meat eater would want to eat a burger that bleeds.

Over in Thailand, massive attempts are being made to clear the water from the four kilometres of cave path, which lies between the stranded football team and freedom, after fears monsoon rain predicted for the weekend could leave them trapped down there for months.

In what appears to be 'cave escape plan B', the boys should be able to walk through water up to waist height instead of having to dive, however one chamber of the caves is still flooded up to the ceiling and the question is can it be drained in time? This readers is the epitome of heart in the mouth stuff.

Finally, MPs are being encouraged to leave Twitter because of the levels of abuse they are getting. Conservative MP Nadine Dorries, who's known for a poorly worded tweet or two, let's be honest, said colleagues were being advised to 'close down' their accounts by Parliament's Health and Wellbeing Service. What this reporter can't get over is 600 out of the 650 MPs have a Twitter account. Who knew they were all so "tech-savvy".

In what appears to be rapidly becoming our daily dose of Vogue, the glossy fashion magazine is urging us to part with our Japanese yen for a pair of traffic-stopping sandals - recommending ribbon-tied ankles, beach-ready gladiators or rhinestone sliders "so fabulous they warrant furious applause with every step" (can you imagine).

But it's the "traffic-stopping" headline this reporter is most concerned about. She's not sure what it's like crossing the road by the Conde Nast offices, but she wouldn't rely solely on the power of an eye-catching pair of sandals for safe passage.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

All aboard the pizza ferry, headed for absolutely nowhere new

THIS Reporter wishes to express her fathomless thanks to the Westminster crew, none of whom decided to take upon themselves the tired old trope of making new year's resolutions - on off chance a better version of themselves existed - and instead continue in the exact same farcical way they blundered through 2018. Because despite the fact ministers had, in theory, laid their dispatch boxes on beds of tinsel for the duration of Christmastide, there is still much for us to catch up with. First, but by no means foremost, Sajid Javid, Home Secretary - who it has reached This Reporter via the rumour mill likes to call himself "The Saj" - perhaps short for Sergeant but more likely, Sajid - cut short his luxury £1,000-plus a night safari festive break in South Africa to rush back and deal with what he coined a "migrant crisis" but in reality was two brave souls casting out across the Channel in a rubber dinghy. Nevertheless, Javid called for immediate clampdown on th

Meghan and Harry "grin in the rain" and the Kimono-wearing fox killer

FROM Meghan and Harry making their first appearance in the UK together since Megxit, to the kimono-wearing fox killer who appears to have been cleared of all crimes, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Friday 6th March 2020. Yes that's right, This Reporter is declaring this particular news gathering outlet a Coronavirus free zone as we kick off today's headlines with the news Meghan and Harry, otherwise known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have returned to the UK and had their photograph taken together, under an umbrella, in the rain. The couple were in town - London specifically - as they wind up their official duties before bowing out of royal life forever, with last night's paparazzi extravaganza related to their attendance at the Endeavour Film awards. With what we can only assume were fixed grins on their faces as they braved the weather, and the fact these moments under the media spotlight, were exactly what they were talking about when

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020. A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it. But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people&#

Netflix glances, America's first ladies united and the Burberry graffiti skirt

"Am I pointing it the right way?" will be the constant refrain at film studios now Netflix has introduced a 'five second rule' on set to stamp out sexual harassment post-#MeToo. In complete contravention of this new rule, let's take a closer look... Netflix, the streaming devise, has introduced a whole raft of anti-harassment measures in wake of the #MeToo social media uprising against the likes of film producer Harvey Weinstein. These include not looking at anyone for longer than five seconds, no lingering hugs, no flirting and no asking for a colleagues phone number. Also any 'unwanted' behaviour should be reported immediately. An on-set runner, speaking to the media, said: "It has sparked jokes with people looking at each other and counting to five, then diverting their eyes." There is of course the worry about how actors will ever 'get it together' and thus fill our gossip pages. But this reporter is first and foremost concern

Stockpiling and the Last Surviving Pineapple Bag

FROM troops mobilised for Operation Blitz Brexit and Jacob Rees-Mogg's three piece suit on the sand, to the last surviving pineapple bag, This Reporter gives her weekly news and style round-up. This Reporter greets you with the news that this week Brexit has well and truly spoked off its rocker. The army, they say, is to be drafted in following the inevitable No Deal conclusion, to distribute stockpiled food and medicine, and to deal with civil riots. Isn't that a "comfort". Slightly more imminently, plans to hand out No Deal pamphlets to prepare us have been shelved, to prevent "panic" or, to quote an anonymous government source, to stop people "s***ing themselves". All This Reporter can say is, it quite clearly transpires voting for Brexit was no different to actively voting for conditions of war. The good news is we may finally deal with the obesity crisis. Perhaps that was the plan all along? One unlikely individual not prepared to take