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Skirts, sandwiches and languid dresses

Ask anyone what constitutes the most they'll pay for a sandwich and the answer is unequivocal - £3.99. This is despite reports of the world's most expensive sandwich - the Osaki wagu beef sarnie, served up at Don Wagu in New York City, setting you back £140.

Of course there will be the usual subversive who pipes up about the melt in the mouth quality of the beef and the fact it comes in its own wooden box. But on the whole, we have clarity on the matter. When you start talking about three figures for what constitutes a bit of fridge stuff parceled up between two slices of bread, we're in agreement - that is much too much.

If only we could have the same clear-thinking when it comes to skirts - in particular who should be sandwiched into them.

We like to think we're an enlightened nation since David Walliams brought out "The Boy in the Dress" but with tens upon tens of primary schools banning the skirt, in the name of progress, and Formula 1 racing driver Louis Hamilton, wearing a skirt on the cover of GQ magazine (as some kind of atonement for blasting his nephew for wearing a princess dress), also in the name of progress, we quite frankly haven't a Scooby. (He liked sandwiches too.)

One primary school's argument against skirts is they are "undignified and embarrassing", expressly, this reporter gathers, due to the potential for knicker flashing when sitting cross-legged on the floor.

This reporter suggests these words are far more a pronouncement on the female sex than the garment in question. It is considered elevating for women to don trousers, whilst there is something inherently wrong, emasculating, about a boy/man donning a skirt. They're all just clothes.

And think of all that lovely cool breeze wafting around during the summer months, gents. A little more wafting in a moment. For now, it's time for the news...

Alan Partridge, sorry Gavin Williamson, ended up red-faced in parliament yesterday (Tuesday) when Siri went off on his iPhone whilst he was addressing MPs about Isis. The defence secretary was forced to fumble in his jacket pocket and mute the device after it detected what he was saying and started searching for it online. Mr Williamson apologised before making the "hilarious" joke that it comes to something when you're heckled by Siri.

The Guardian newspaper is warning people that in order to stay fit, completing your 10,000 steps a day is simply not enough. This must be accompanied by weight bearing and balancing-style exercises in order to stay in tip top condition for old age, according to 'experts', who suggest walking whilst carrying shopping bags would be ideal.

Not so great if we are ever going to escape this consumerist society but this reporter was, admittedly, distracted by the chosen image to accompany this article of our Prime Minister Theresa May out walking with her husband Phil (Philip, the Philster, Philmeister M) decked out in high-waisted walking trousers and crampons, on a tarmacked road.

Aside from the small matter of the England football team making it through to the quarter finals of the World Cup, all thanks to the power of Gareth Southgate's waistcoat, in other sporting news - tax payers are being told they will have to foot the bill of £5million for extra policing costs for American President Donald Trump's golf trip to Scotland.

He is expected to visit his resort at Turnberry after seeing Mrs May and the Queen. Well the response to this one is obvious. We'll take a gamble and keep the five million.

Finishing up on a fashion note and this reporter was taken by Vogue magazine's advisory section on the best "languid" dresses to wear in this heat. She barely cast an eye over the 'wafty' offerings from & Other Stories, Topshop and Arket for the joy of the word "languid" - meaning having or showing a disinclination for physical exertion or effort.

Now there's a word this reporter would happily devour, ideally between two slices of granary bread.

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