A screech of brakes, a crunch of bumper meets bollard. The Shaggy mega mix - which is this boozy ice-cream van's jingle - whirls to a sickening halt.
Now, this reporter must interject here and state she does not condone drink driving - from either ice-cream van drivers or any other citizens - indeed it has been officially found to be dangerous and illegal.
However, at the news that alcohol-filled ice-lollies were becoming an increasingly popular 'thing', this reporter couldn't help but indulge herself in visions of the booze cruise ice-cream van. Around the villages and towns it would go, grown-ups argy barging their way to the front of the queue to claim their mojito popsicles.
The boozy ice-cream van may be a fixture of this reporter's imagination but ice-lollies made from alcohol are certainly not. Apparently the ice-lolly industry has been suffering something of a dip in sales over recent years and manufacturers hope appealing to the adult market with flavours such as Pimms, Martini and Gin and Tonic will see sales pick up and sing "high ho silver lining" all the way home.
Readers - what incredible scenes in Thailand. The news has been filled with nothing short of miraculous reports of an expert team of British divers finding 12 Thai children and their football coach after they became trapped in a cave by rising flood waters nine days ago.
The internet was jubilant after news reached the rest of the planet that the group, who were feared lost for good, were found perched on a ledge surrounded by increasingly rising water. However, it transpires the group are far from safe yet.
They could have up to a month's wait down in the cave whilst water is pumped out and they are taught to swim and dive so they can finally escape. It is incredible and terrifying in equal measure and this reporter has fingers and toes crossed for them.
Meanwhile, it's kicking off in Australia over plastic bags. The country has recently seen a ban on free single use plastic carriers but unlike elsewhere in the world, the news has not gone down well.
There have been accounts of shoppers hurling abuse at, and threatening, checkout staff, because they cannot have a plastic bag non gratis for their groceries, whilst there is even one report of a customer at Woolworths (Woolworths!) grabbing a staff member around the throat.
This reporter muses they do have to deal with fearsome heat, such as us Brits are currently having to endure, much of the year round, and it appears to finally be taking its toll.
Over in Brexitland, Boris Johnson MP has (again) given out a most extraordinary quote, this time in defence of his mate and fellow Brexiteer Jacob Rees-Mogg. The Moggster has proceeded to get nasty in recent days with Theresa May, saying that she faced splitting the government over Brexit in the manner Robert Peel did over the corn laws in Victoria's reign - when Rees-Mogg was but a wee lad.
Boris jumped on Twitter to declare: "It's vital that all MPs are able to air their views on Brexit. Whatever your position, I hope we can all agree that Jacob Rees-Mogg is a principled and dedicated MP who wants the best for our country."
In a word Boris, no.
Finally, who is this reporter to pick holes in a new fashion trend (cough, cough, splutter, splutter) but news has reached her that crochet is a craze. Inspired by the craft of yesteryear, which involves making a fabric out of a hook and yarn, hole ridden garments have been paraded at fashion shows for Missoni and Dior, as well as being spotted on Dani Dyer (the other ones daughter) on Love Island.
This reporter surmises this may not have been what the Women's Institute intended when they churned out crochet blankets to keep the home fires burning in days of old and yet with all those saccharine-sweet jam fumes wafting around, perhaps skimpy clothing was the plan all along.
"Mr Boombastic, say me fantastic". It's the booze cruise ice-cream van. Come on...
Now, this reporter must interject here and state she does not condone drink driving - from either ice-cream van drivers or any other citizens - indeed it has been officially found to be dangerous and illegal.
However, at the news that alcohol-filled ice-lollies were becoming an increasingly popular 'thing', this reporter couldn't help but indulge herself in visions of the booze cruise ice-cream van. Around the villages and towns it would go, grown-ups argy barging their way to the front of the queue to claim their mojito popsicles.
The boozy ice-cream van may be a fixture of this reporter's imagination but ice-lollies made from alcohol are certainly not. Apparently the ice-lolly industry has been suffering something of a dip in sales over recent years and manufacturers hope appealing to the adult market with flavours such as Pimms, Martini and Gin and Tonic will see sales pick up and sing "high ho silver lining" all the way home.
Readers - what incredible scenes in Thailand. The news has been filled with nothing short of miraculous reports of an expert team of British divers finding 12 Thai children and their football coach after they became trapped in a cave by rising flood waters nine days ago.
The internet was jubilant after news reached the rest of the planet that the group, who were feared lost for good, were found perched on a ledge surrounded by increasingly rising water. However, it transpires the group are far from safe yet.
They could have up to a month's wait down in the cave whilst water is pumped out and they are taught to swim and dive so they can finally escape. It is incredible and terrifying in equal measure and this reporter has fingers and toes crossed for them.
Meanwhile, it's kicking off in Australia over plastic bags. The country has recently seen a ban on free single use plastic carriers but unlike elsewhere in the world, the news has not gone down well.
There have been accounts of shoppers hurling abuse at, and threatening, checkout staff, because they cannot have a plastic bag non gratis for their groceries, whilst there is even one report of a customer at Woolworths (Woolworths!) grabbing a staff member around the throat.
This reporter muses they do have to deal with fearsome heat, such as us Brits are currently having to endure, much of the year round, and it appears to finally be taking its toll.
Over in Brexitland, Boris Johnson MP has (again) given out a most extraordinary quote, this time in defence of his mate and fellow Brexiteer Jacob Rees-Mogg. The Moggster has proceeded to get nasty in recent days with Theresa May, saying that she faced splitting the government over Brexit in the manner Robert Peel did over the corn laws in Victoria's reign - when Rees-Mogg was but a wee lad.
Boris jumped on Twitter to declare: "It's vital that all MPs are able to air their views on Brexit. Whatever your position, I hope we can all agree that Jacob Rees-Mogg is a principled and dedicated MP who wants the best for our country."
In a word Boris, no.
Finally, who is this reporter to pick holes in a new fashion trend (cough, cough, splutter, splutter) but news has reached her that crochet is a craze. Inspired by the craft of yesteryear, which involves making a fabric out of a hook and yarn, hole ridden garments have been paraded at fashion shows for Missoni and Dior, as well as being spotted on Dani Dyer (the other ones daughter) on Love Island.
This reporter surmises this may not have been what the Women's Institute intended when they churned out crochet blankets to keep the home fires burning in days of old and yet with all those saccharine-sweet jam fumes wafting around, perhaps skimpy clothing was the plan all along.
"Mr Boombastic, say me fantastic". It's the booze cruise ice-cream van. Come on...
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