Skip to main content

The boozy ice-cream van, Thai cave rescue and the crochet craze

A screech of brakes, a crunch of bumper meets bollard. The Shaggy mega mix - which is this boozy ice-cream van's jingle - whirls to a sickening halt.

Now, this reporter must interject here and state she does not condone drink driving - from either ice-cream van drivers or any other citizens - indeed it has been officially found to be dangerous and illegal.

However, at the news that alcohol-filled ice-lollies were becoming an increasingly popular 'thing', this reporter couldn't help but indulge herself in visions of the booze cruise ice-cream van. Around the villages and towns it would go, grown-ups argy barging their way to the front of the queue to claim their mojito popsicles.

The boozy ice-cream van may be a fixture of this reporter's imagination but ice-lollies made from alcohol are certainly not. Apparently the ice-lolly industry has been suffering something of a dip in sales over recent years and manufacturers hope appealing to the adult market with flavours such as Pimms, Martini and Gin and Tonic will see sales pick up and sing "high ho silver lining" all the way home.

Readers - what incredible scenes in Thailand. The news has been filled with nothing short of miraculous reports of an expert team of British divers finding 12 Thai children and their football coach after they became trapped in a cave by rising flood waters nine days ago.

The internet was jubilant after news reached the rest of the planet that the group, who were feared lost for good, were found perched on a ledge surrounded by increasingly rising water. However, it transpires the group are far from safe yet.

They could have up to a month's wait down in the cave whilst water is pumped out and they are taught to swim and dive so they can finally escape. It is incredible and terrifying in equal measure and this reporter has fingers and toes crossed for them.

Meanwhile, it's kicking off in Australia over plastic bags. The country has recently seen a ban on free single use plastic carriers but unlike elsewhere in the world, the news has not gone down well.

There have been accounts of shoppers hurling abuse at, and threatening, checkout staff, because they cannot have a plastic bag non gratis for their groceries, whilst there is even one report of a customer at Woolworths (Woolworths!) grabbing a staff member around the throat.

This reporter muses they do have to deal with fearsome heat, such as us Brits are currently having to endure, much of the year round, and it appears to finally be taking its toll.

Over in Brexitland, Boris Johnson MP has (again) given out a most extraordinary quote, this time in defence of his mate and fellow Brexiteer Jacob Rees-Mogg. The Moggster has proceeded to get nasty in recent days with Theresa May, saying that she faced splitting the government over Brexit in the manner Robert Peel did over the corn laws in Victoria's reign - when Rees-Mogg was but a wee lad.

Boris jumped on Twitter to declare: "It's vital that all MPs are able to air their views on Brexit. Whatever your position, I hope we can all agree that Jacob Rees-Mogg is a principled and dedicated MP who wants the best for our country."

In a word Boris, no.

Finally, who is this reporter to pick holes in a new fashion trend (cough, cough, splutter, splutter) but news has reached her that crochet is a craze. Inspired by the craft of yesteryear, which involves making a fabric out of a hook and yarn, hole ridden garments have been paraded at fashion shows for Missoni and Dior, as well as being spotted on Dani Dyer (the other ones daughter) on Love Island.

This reporter surmises this may not have been what the Women's Institute intended when they churned out crochet blankets to keep the home fires burning in days of old and yet with all those saccharine-sweet jam fumes wafting around, perhaps skimpy clothing was the plan all along.

"Mr Boombastic, say me fantastic". It's the booze cruise ice-cream van. Come on...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Stranded in Brexit Britain - A Taco Sauce Survival Tale

WITH three weeks to go and about as much readiness as you can fit into a Borrower's knapsack, the pressing question remains, who is going to stop Brexit? The obvious candidate, not to go all Rees-Mogg on you, is the Queen. Who in theory, if not in practise, has the power and from previous allusions, thinks Brexit a load of piffle.
Failing the Queen, who let's face it has her hands full as a member of the sandwich generation - wrangling the car keys out of Prince Philip's mitts on the one hand and helping Meghan practise for her hypno-birth, on the other. If the Queen is not available there are "dupes" for her.
Victoria Beckham is to deliver a Queen's Speech on "Christmas Day" in March to launch her YouTube channel, on basis these speeches are "quite popular" and as we are constantly reminded by those around her, Mrs Beckham is witty and self-deprecating. Highlights will include her rallying cry to get people to subscribe to her channel: &q…

Corbyn's Phoney People's Vote, Pot Shots and Gigantic Bows

FROM Corbyn's phoney call for a People's Vote and the cliffhanger pot shot video tape, to the Roksanda blouse with the enormous bows, welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up.

Cadbury can only be a sugar rush away from filing a trademark infringement against the British government (to wit - the "Crunchie") as the political world of farcical doom entered yet another of its relentless crunch weeks. Providing, of course, the Crunchie bar was packed from first bite instead of with honeycomb, space dust, and instead of with space dust, TNT and instead of with TNT, nuclear active garbage just 29 days away from detonate, because that's about where we are with Brexit.
Prime Minister Theresa May is under the mistaken impression that the best way to avoid cataclysmic disaster is to dodge it. Colloquially known as "the swerve". As that is exactly what she has done over the meaningful vote - part numero deux - on her deal, which was due to take…

Bercow Bans Brexit Vote 3, Tram Shooting and the Tortoise Illusion Cake

FROM John Bercow banning a third Brexit vote and another suspected terrorist attack - this time on a tram in Utrecht - to the ultimate in tortoise illusion cakes (spoiler alert: it wasn't a cake) welcome to This Reporter's daily news round-up.

Some have called it a massive spanner in the works, others a "constitutional crisis", whilst those more scholarly types have plumped for "Erskine Mayhem". Either way we are all talking about Common's Speaker John Bercow making the "shock" announcement yesterday (Monday) he was banning Prime Minister Theresa May from putting her Brexit deal before Parliament for meaningful vote a third time, unless it underwent substantial changes.
What Mr Bercow appears to have done is got the PM on an historical technicality. Quoting from the guide to parliamentary procedure, Erskine May (no relation to our leader) he said the Commons could not be "repeatedly asked to pronounce" on the same question.
Inevitabl…

Brexit Crisis, Boris "Spaffed" Johnson and Prince Charles' Beach Bod

FROM MPs' dawning revelation that yes, Brexit is in crisis and Boris Johnson's leadership bid "spaffed up a wall", to Prince Charles' "impressive" beach bod, welcome to This Reporter's daily news round-up.

"It's like the last days of Rome". A direct quote there, which shows at long last MPs have cottoned on to what the rest of the country/Europe/the world could have told them months and months (and months) ago -  Brexit is at crisis point.
Prime Minister Theresa May herself admitted that things were not going quite according to plan yesterday (Tuesday) and, to be frank, exiting the European Union on 29th March (next week) probably wasn't going to happen.
But instead of taking some form of useful action to try and sort this crisis out, she has decided to make a move which will only takes things from shockingly bad to unfathomably worse. This Reporter refers to Mrs May writing to EU Chief Michael Barnier to request only a short exten…

Brexit: Where's Barbara Cartland's magic acorn when you need it?

THERE are no words - quite the technical hitch when it comes to writing - to do justice to the single greatest political calamity of our generation. This Reporter considered instead using expressionist art or shadow puppetry. She would make a concerted effort at it for five minutes before setting fire to the whole damn lot - as symbolism.
As alternative, let's start with the bare-boned facts of the matter. Prime Minister Theresa May lost her second meaningful vote on her Brexit deal in Parliament on Tuesday night by a stonking 391 votes to 242. Not the complete annihilation of meaningless vote part numero one, but still an almost unprecedented disaster.
David Cameron, tracked down at his lair, said: "I don't understand why MPs who have always wanted Brexit keep voting against it". Well David, sometimes people do the most unfathomable of things don't they. But back to the facts.
Mrs May's promise of votes on No Deal and Article 50 extension are coming up next.…