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The satin maxi dress, Boris' wine fridge and God save the Queen

Well

Quite

Extraordinary

To mark the occasion, this reporter has got on her satin maxi dress from & Other Stories, as recommended by Vogue, who declare satin is a viable fabric for day wear now. This reporter has dressed it down with her scuffed lace-up brogues, as also insisted on by the fashion mag, and accessorised with a gold chain. Which just so happens to be the chain from an old bath plug - with said bath plug still attached. Fetching, this reporter is sure you'll agree.

So on with the 'deluge' of news and Boris Johnson has fluttered down from his perch as Foreign Minister with hopes of Phoenix-like rebirth as Prime Minister. "Fat chance Boris".

This reporter's favourite moment yesterday was when Boris went awol, again, for a bit. Several hours late for a meeting at camp Westminster, BBC reporters decided to recce over to Boris' house where they delivered "on the ground" reports of a removal-style van, either shipping Boris' stuff out or delivering a wine fridge. Ambiguous.

As it happened Boris was inside, the house, not the van - or indeed the fridge - writing his resignation letter, peppered with phrases no doubt extracted from his favourite Winston Churchill book, whilst a brass band played Land of Hope and Glory inside his head. So on the ball were the BBC they announced Boris' resignation before the ink had even dried.

This reporter was with 'our Theresa' last night letting off the celebratory fireworks and knocking back pints of gin. Of course we will still have to see Boris' mug around Parliament, the actual ceramic one he carries about with him emblazoned with "I heart Boris", as never was there a more self-serving Member, since the last one.

Jeremy Hunt will replace Boris as Foreign Secretary which, if nothing else could be the best 70th birthday present the NHS has had. Much better than the £2.99 Theresa previously promised, wrapped up alongside a swab stick and a roll of gauze.

Other changings in the Cabinet include pro-leaver Dominic Raab replacing David Davis as Brexit Secretary, Matt Hancock moving from culture to health and Geoffrey Cox becoming Attorney General. (Who, who and triple who).

Naturally there has been much talk of this hoo ha spelling the end of Mrs May, with rumours swirling yesterday that the required 48 letters had been handed in to trigger a vote of 'no confidence'. Entirely unfounded.

There is, in this reporter's opinion, no chance of ousting her. She is akin to the stoic matriarch of World War Two, out in her front garden, curlers in, digging up potatoes as German bomber planes circle overhead. Far from weak, her resolve is made of industrial strength steel. In fact, this reporter would use the phrase she's "not for turning" if it hadn't been used before.

There's so much more. Indeed, the world of news was so overloaded yesterday that the single word "out" was causing all manner of confusion, leading to the BBC news channel running at cross purposes for at least half an hour.

Its ticker tape under an interview with David Davis following his resignation ran: "eight people remain inside the cave" which, though a reference to Thai Cave Rescue (now just four remain inside and the coach), seemed to make a curious amount of sense when applied to Mr Davis.

Similarly, this reporter has stumbled across a more than sufficient explanation for the heat wave. It turns out mother nature also got the wrong end of the stick and delivered eternal hotness based on "the will of the people".

With incessant complainings that Britain is so short of sun she simply took our 'foolish' word as a binding contract. Of course we now have to convince her we were actually talking about Brexit and she can turn off the sun.

And readers, what's going on with the Queen? She did not turn up to Prince Loius' christening yesterday, (and as to that affair, all you need to know is Meghan Markle wore Ralph Lauren in green), claiming it had always been the plan for her not to attend.

The news insists this is nothing to do with ill health but does follow on from a cancelled engagement last week. This reporter presumes that either the Queen is about to kick the bucket, silver plated of course - and Queenie this really is not an appropriate time to go (with the country so busy) - or she is building up to pull the mammoth of sickies for Trump's visit on Friday.

This reporter is poised for further developments, whilst slowly marinating in satin and gin.

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