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Victoria Beckham's camouflage t-shirt and one-nil to Donald Trump

This reporter doesn't wish to panic anyone, but she's lost Victoria Beckham.

There we were playing an innocent game of hide and seek and this reporter did say to her, Vicky, this is surely all going to end in tears, with you in your fancy new camouflage t-shirt. But would she listen?

Off she scampered over the fields like a carefree billy goat, leaving this reporter to count to ten. The question is what is this reporter going to say to David? He'll be back any minute. He's just been down at Harper's school balancing bean bags on his head in the father's race.

This reporter better elaborate. You see, the 'big' news is Victoria Beckham has ditched her signature white t-shirt for a camouflage one for her new season's collection and whilst it might be stylish in a 90's, we're all in All Saints now, kind of way, it is potentially the worst item of clothing to wear when playing hide and seek.

Let's journey on to the news and maybe Victoria will turn up. And this reporter is not sure American President Donald Trump's visit to the UK is going quite to plan - the plan as set out by those protesting against him that is.

This reporter is pretty certain we are not, in manner of West End musicals, going to reach the big closing orchestral number, with Mr Trump - having been made to see the error of his ways - singing "I Repent" whilst the company - the rest of Great Britain - provide jazz hands and hallelujah-esque backing vocals.

Let's look at the evidence thus far. Exhibit A is an interview with the President run in The Sun newspaper in which he sings the praises of former Foreign Secretary, and continuous buffoon, Boris Johnson and says he has all the makings of a future Prime Minister - and would be a great representative of this country.

Exhibit  B -  in the same interview Trump, in what appears to be a poorly veiled outburst of Islamophobia, slams London Mayor Sadiq Khan for "ruining" London whilst simultaneously blaming him solely for the UK immigration and terrorism "problems".

Exhibit C - Trump steamrollers over any hope of a trade deal with the UK after Brexit by saying under Prime Minister Theresa May's current Brexit strategy it would be akin to doing a deal with the EU, not just Britain - adding that he had "told" Mrs May how she should have managed Brexit but she would not listen.

Now on the basis we as a country 'decided' to go ahead with Trump's visit out of respect to his office as American President and, in a less upfront but nevertheless all too apparent way, Mrs May and her government wanting to keep Trump on side for future trading purposes - well Mr Trump has failed to react in like form to either.

We could go as far as to say this has been a very bad idea and left the UK looking just a tad (great big tad) silly. To add insult to injury, no one had the gumption to invite Mr Trump for a scout of the Blenheim Palace grounds late last night. We could have lost him in that maze for weeks. Instead we've still lost Victoria Beckham.

"Victoria, Victoria, this isn't funny now. VICTORIA".

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