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Showing posts from September, 2018

Neon, General Strike and BBC "Funky" Two

IN a world where the "people's voice" is being used more as a catchphrase than an actual signal of mass opinion, it is no wonder fashion types are reaching for neon.

The traditional preserve of roadside workers and 90s rave fanatics, all garments in bold and brash, fluorescent hues are bang on trend for autumn. This obsession with a retina burning colour palate can only be down to our collective sense of being all but invisible, This Reporter muses. Though others would blame the trend setting power of neon-loving wallflower Kim Kardashian.

Wherever you plan to pin the impetus, lime greens, shocking pinks and fluoro yellows are the only colours to be seen in this season (and boy will you be seen), whether hi vis evening wear, neon knits, colour-clash separates or standout accessories, being your chosen poison. This Reporter is, tentatively, opting for this over-sized neon pink turtleneck from Zara. If she hasn't the guts to wear it, she'll stick it on a flagpole, …

En Vacance, Weetabix Wars and Corbyn's Speech

THIS Reporter is sure we all agree, the fact we can escape these shores on holiday makes a No Deal Brexit that bit more palatable? In much the same way a life sentence in a maximum security prison is more bearable, with the comforting thought you have the starts of a tunnel behind the Pulp Fiction poster blue-tacked up on your cell wall.

Alas, dear readers, no. That avenue of freedom has been all but barred to us according to the latest, and thankfully, last batch release of No Deal preparation papers. There will be no jaunts over to balmier shores without much advance notice.

According to the paperwork, airlines will lose their automatic right to operate between the UK and the EU without seeking advance permission (some truth in the 'myth' aeroplanes would be grounded then). Pet owners will have to plan months in advance, with numerous vaccinations and blood tests for their cats and dogs before holidaying and UK car insurance will no longer be valid abroad.

And don't thin…

Lost Whale, Chequer's MKII and the Buckingham Palace Taser

THE award for immediate and unquestioned action goes this week to the police force that swooped on Buckingham Palace following reports of a mad man trying to bust his way through the security gates with a taser.

There were scenes of frenzied panic as the man, thought to be a terrorist, was 'wrestled to the ground and liberated of his dangerous weapon' (please note, this may be slight embellishment) at the Palace's security scanners. On two counts, initial perceptions were found to be mistaken. The 'terrorist' turned out to be a Netherlands tourist and the dangerous weapon - a taser keyring, banned this side of the Herengracht, but even so.

This tale of daredevil, yet arguably, overblown action, can be juxtaposed in direct contrast with the sloth-like pace in which Jacob Rees-Mogg's clan of Tory Brexiteers have gone about finally producing a Brexit plan to counter Prime Minister Theresa May's Chequer's one.

Like a blood hound scenting the whiff of wounde…

Corbyn's Bodyguard and the People's Vote

SUCH is the nation's obsession with BBC's Bodyguard, This Reporter would argue, that a journalist from the Mirror felt it fitting - nay, par to the course - to ask Jeremy Corbyn's bodyguard what question he should put to the Labour leader during the party conference, underway this week.

Abdul Abouker, for indeed, that is his name (and would we have been even remotely interested in this factoid pre-Keeley Hawes and Richard Madden enlivening our TV sets of a Sunday evening - "no This Reporter, absolutely not") admittedly didn't quite get to the crux of the issues dominating the 2018 Labour Conference in Liverpool - the anti-Semitism, the austerity, the People's Vote (more on that later).

Mr Abouker, 30, suggested Mr Corbyn be asked how he deals with all the stress. The answer, for anyone declaring an interest, is running, exercising, reading and tending his allotment. In between the stress of managing to avoid answering a single question on Brexit for the p…

This Reporter Reports - on the Schnitzel Summit

IF Prime Minister Theresa May negotiated nearly as well as she dressed for each Brexiting occasion, we would not only have sealed a deal with the EU by now but would have been gifted a schnitzel TV dinner for every citizen, a lorry load of champers for the government to get leg-less on, in celebration - or commiseration - and received a cheery send off from the other side of the Channel by a Bavarian folk band - all in the name of good feeling.

Sadly, a pillar box red tailored jacket, with just the right amount of quirky flair, can only get you so far, and that distance can scientifically be measured by just how much of your body mass is sprawled over the tarmac once you've tripped out of the starting blocks and fallen on your nose.

In summary, Mrs May's "turn" at Salzburg was far less "the hills are alive" and more the crushing moment when Liesl finds out her treacherous postman boyfriend has dobbed her whole family into the Nazis.

To backtrack somewhat, T…

Brexit Spoiler Alert and the Autumn Brogues

WE'RE going to be getting the political miles in this week so there's no other thing for it. Time to purchase our autumn brogues. Welcome to This Reporter's news and style round-up.

And we begin with the blast from the past which is Gordon Brown. Like Harold from Neighbours, we thought we were shot of him, until he showed up years later with a spot of amnesia. Though Mr Brown's brain cogs appear to be firing on all mathematical cylinders, as he warned us this week we were in danger of "sleepwalking" into another financial crisis - if world leaders did not work together in acting on the lessons of 2008.

The trouble is the former Labour chancellor (and lest we forget - Prime Minister) was unable to say what would trigger it. This Reporter wouldn't like to presume - Gordon's the 'money whizz' - but how about the small matter we have come to call Brexit, as suggested by the Bank of England's Mark Carney this week.

Talking of which, the Governm…

Carrot Fluff and the Leopard Print Evening Gown

PUBS have this week been told to stop serving "carrot fluff" to their customers and instead go back to good old-fashioned pub grub like bangers and mash. The hefty dollop of criticism came from "The Good Pub Guide" which decreed drinkers were being put off by baffling and pretentious menus.

"We don't want our dishes adorned with carrot fluff, edible sand or fish foam, leave that to the swanky restaurants", the Guide scolded. This Reporter reassures readers they won't find any carrot fluff in this week's news and style round-up. And yes she is using the food stuff as a metaphor. As always there will be plenty of those though, and a leopard print evening gown.

We kick off with the news two Russian military intelligence officers were behind the novichok poisonings in Salisbury -  with more than a suggestion the order of command came from top brass himself Vladimir Putin. Though he denies it, of course.

The "Perfume Poisoners" as This Re…

Political Vanity and the Topshop Rust Dress

"Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the best reporter of them all?"

"This Reporter is all right, but the best reporter by far is..."

Smash!

Hello and welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up and this week there is a distinct whiff of vanity in the air. From portraits and balloons, to TV shows and Google listings, without further ado - let the egos swell. Just beware the rusty nail.

Readers, This Reporter begins with the sensational news there has been a reason to be proud to be British this week, namely the rendition of Aretha Franklin's "Respect" by the Royal Welsh Guards at Buckingham Palace. The brass band version of the classic hit came as a surprise to passers-by at the changing of the guard and marked the day of the legendary soul singer's funeral in the most eccentric of British ways.

Crashing back down to earth with a bump and Parliament is back this week, with all eyes set on ensuring we make the smoothest and most p…