Skip to main content

Chain Strap Bags, Kavanagh and Patrick Kielty

THE MERE mention of wearing chains - even in a fashion sense - should have the alarm bells going off, if we are indeed as far down the road of female emancipation as we hoped, muses This Reporter.

As it goes, Vogue magazine seemed oblivious it was blowing apart our carefully cultivated, 2018 social awareness barometer, with its full page spread on the latest trend to hit the bag world - that of the chain-link shoulder strap.

From hefty bike lock chains, which require more than a generous squeeze of the bolt cutters, and fancy rhinestone bedecked ones, to three strap chains for a good old tethering, we are being asked to hoist them over our shoulders in the name of style, without any concern for feminism.

This Reporter found this Alexander Wang number thrust under her nose, whilst she was doing the washing up. Wonders will never cease how the PC brigade are not onto this.

Elsewhere, Kavanagh, not (ironically) the QC one or indeed the "I Can Make You Feel Good" one of singing fame (spelt Kavana as point of interest) but Brett Kavanagh, Donald Trump's supreme court nominee, has found himself in the dock defending himself against accusations he sexually assaulted Californian Professor Dr Christine Blaky Ford when they were teenagers.

Sniffing, sobbing, screaming, inexplicably shouting how much he loves beer - in between fervent pleas they consult his father's 1982 Rolodex to prove he wasn't there - This Reporter has some serious reservations about Kavanagh's suitability for charge over US legislation based on just this performance, never mind any other crime.

The Tory conference has descended into choas before it's even started, with a private app containing MP's email addresses and mobile phone numbers being left open to security breach. Cue someone changing Boris Johnson's profile photo to hard-core pornography before the oversight was made known.

This Reporter suspects the offender may have been, Boris Johnson - who his former foreign office buddy Alan Duncan has declared is "addicted to his own publicity" like cocaine. Mr Johnson has also given his first proper interview since resigning as Foreign Minister.

He bored on about how the Chequer's Plan is not fit for purpose whilst wielding around his alternative 4,000 word diatribe, as laid out in the Telegraph - ironically at a time when he is least in a position to influence it. He also, "tantalisingly"- in his world - refused to confirm or deny his ambitions for leadership.

Irish TV presenter Patrick Kielty has since spelt out via a series of tweets to Mr Johnson, exactly why his Brexit vision is threatening peace in Ireland. Mr Kielty, whose dad was killed by loyalist paramilitaries, concluded by saying he hopes Boris becomes PM so he can finally swim in the "constitutional sewage" of his making.

The one job opening it appears as tricky as Fort Knox to crack into is that of replacement for David Dimbleby on BBC's Question Time. Prospective new presenters will each be put through their paces in front of a live audience before a final selection is made, probably because there are women in the running - and "you know".

This Reporter believes final vetting - for any role - should be based entirely on the applicant's opinion of a bag on a chain.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Government accused of Coronavirus cover-up and Veggie Corbyn booed at kebab awards

FROM the UK Government announcing it will only release Coronavirus data weekly, to vegetarian Jeremy Corbyn presenting an award for the best kebab, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Thursday 5th March 2020. The Government has been accused of withholding information about the spread of Coronavirus after a 70 per cent increase in confirmed cases prompted health chiefs to stop providing daily updates on the location of new infections. Instead they will be provided on a Friday in a weekly round-up. Thirty six new UK cases were announced yesterday (Wednesday) bringing the grand total to 87 people. A former director at Public Health England said the move to weekly updates should be reconsidered to allow the public to make informed decisions. In related news, the Government is putting in place contingency plans, should the virus outbreak become widespread, to close Parliament for up to three months to stop 650 potential "super spreaders". Which gives Th

The inside scoop on Meghan and Harry's wedding - all the action before it's even happened

Fantastic news. We have all been invited to a wedding, and not just any old wedding but the royal wedding of the year (sorry Princess Eugenie) between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. This is what the big day - 19th May, if you still need to jot it down in your filofax - will look like. The girls will all get ready at Meghan's house, taking it in turns to marvel at her dress, by an avant garde British designer we will all pretend we have heard of. We will watch back-to-back episodes of Suits, quaffing glasses of Kombucha, so we can exclaim over how far she has come, all the while trying to reassure Kate Middleton we cannot see the baby sick down her brand new pleat detail dress  from Reiss. (We can). The boys will meanwhile be round Harry's gaff, stuffing themselves on venison burgers and Kettle Chips, before stripping down for a last game of naked snooker - for old time's sake. Reminiscing about ill-advised fancy dress costumes, past girlfriends with posh, fancy names

Theresa May's girls' night in and ice-cream flavoured plimsoles

The fashion world is in a two-and-eight. It has inconceivably come up with a trend which is the complete antithesis of everything it stands for - ice-cream. Let's be honest, no one in the fashion industry has eaten since 1997, subsisting on fresh air and the occasional whiff of Lancome watermelon Juicy Tube (because they're back). Never mind the veritable Pandora's box of worms the issue rears up for the lactose intolerant, and the vegans, who have risen up like a Samuria army since the clock struck midnight on first of January. But fear not, this ice-cream trend is nothing to do with consuming delicious frozen cream (sadly). Instead it is about the chosen pastel colour palette for this spring, leading on to summer 2018. Melting their way down runways there have been strawberry ice-cream coloured jackets from Celine, Acne Studios have offered up pistachio co-ords, Chanel have served us vanilla wafer coloured suits. There have been blueberry swirl skirts at Versace and

"Summer dreams ripped at the seams" - The day we should have Brexit

TODAY - Friday 29th March - was to have been The Day -  the day we Brexited from the European Union. If all had gone according to - if there had actually been a - plan. Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg were scheduled to be there at Dover cliff edge, gardening shears at the ready, to ceremoniously sever, together, all ties with our continental neighbours. In manner of some warped version of the bride and bridegroom cutting into their first slice of wedding cake. Former fireplace salesman, turned Defence Secretary, Gavin Williamson would have led the military salute as Salvation Army brass bands from across the country, on pain of death, led a rousing rendition of "Jerusalem", followed by a blast of the Grease Megamix. That's the news of what didn't pan out this week, so what actually did happen? We heard Nigel Farage compared to Blackadder's Field Marshall Haig when Guy Verhofstadt questioned why he was sat in European Parliament and not out on the 200 mile Mar

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020. A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it. But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people&#