Skip to main content

Eugenie and the Bottle, Pizza Club and a Brexit Baby

WHAT a difference a wedding makes. It was only a few, sweltering, months ago we had our collective spirits lifted by the nuptials between Prince Harry and Meghan. But it appears this short course of time has not been favourable to the mood around royal weddings, taking it from "Hurrah, let's shed a tear", to "We're having none of it".

With the words of that great love story between a man of excess and his wallet lilting in the air, Princess Eugenie, younger daughter of Fergie and Prince Andrew, married her tequila ambassador boyfriend, Jack Brooksbank, on Friday.

The wedding, between Eugenie and the Bottle, was not the low key affair expected of the ninth in line to the throne however, with some 850 guests packing out St George's Chapel. Because as her dad Andrew said, the couple simply have so many "close friends". (Nothing to do with the promise of tequila.)

Those "close friends" were treated to such delights as a reading by Princess Beatrix from 'The Great Gatsby'. Some (many) people have questioned whether Eugenie and the Bottle have ever read the novel. This Reporter believes that is doing the couple an injustice.

They are no strangers to satire. As the old tale goes, a quick drink after a dance training session leads to a snog down an alleyway. A Charleston dressed up as pizza servers later and the public vote you through to the next round. These are enlightened times.

The presence of model Cara Delevingne dressed up as the Artful Dodger is a little more problematic, walking as it does straight into the hands of those accusing this wedding of being a public rip off. "You've got to pick a pocket or two". Yes indeed Fagin. In this case the tax payers.

The other gathering you are simply no one if you do not get an invite to is "Pizza Club" - the first rule being you don't talk about it. But the second rule is evidently you let some of it leak out to the press to make it look like you are doing something about toppling, not topping, your leader over her "flawed" Brexit plan.

Indeed it appears the Pizza Club, made up of staunch Brexiteers from the front rows of Government, and named after their takeaway meal of choice for meetings, curry, will be holding the ultimate of pizza meetings (tonight) Monday, where it is rumoured they may even order in some garlic bread.

Their meeting up is of pressing importance after it emerged not only is Mrs May having trouble getting anyone to agree with her over the backstop plan to prevent a hard border down the middle of Ireland but now the EU is saying there needs to be a back-up plan to the backstop - a backstop to the backstop if you will.

Pizza Club evidently think they can do better negotiating with Michel Barnier. However, what if Pizza Club is just David Davis talking to himself in an empty room?

Thank goodness to high heaven, there has been a royal baby announcement to distract us. Yes, it is the miracle of all miracles, Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip are expecting a baby this spring. Sorry an olive must have slipped into the news generator. Clarence House has announced Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are expecting a baby in May next year, after rumours began swirling at the wedding on Friday when Meghan did not remove her coat.

But halt one moment, This Reporter thinks this is all too convenient. She has a concern that Harry and Meghan are being used as pawns to intentionally divert us from the collapse of Britain as we know it. A baby due in May they say, just weeks after we exit the European Union. Less Royal baby and more Brexit baby - the love child of Jean-Claude Juncker and Esther McVey.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cameron's Comeback, "The Grid" and a Passport to Chic

WITH the bad boys of Brexit back in town and no feasible escape from this rapidly sinking island, all hope clings to a leather dress. Welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up.

Prime Minister Theresa May will be interrogated by children, we learnt, after signing up to appear on Sky Kids news programme 'FYI'. Mrs May is famed for shirking the TV interview - besides which, serious television journalists appear to have lost their (news) sense - so it looks like it falls to the youngest and let's face it, far more assiduous minds, to ask Mrs May how much more it will take to sack off Brexit?
And here's the very man we'll say arguably, but in all fairness we mean actually, got us into this mess in the first place. Namely David Cameron, letting slip to his friends he was bored witless putting his trotters up in his second shepherd's hut in Nice, and wanted to return to front line politics. His remorseless eyes set on the post of foreign secretary.…

The Ginormous Lego Orangutan and Johnson & Johnson's Minty Youth Shots

WELCOME to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up live from Brexit Island, where ginormous Lego orangutans rampage and we clamour for Johnson & Johnson's youth-giving minty shots. Not suitable for those of nervous disposition - there may be scenes of a sexual nature and episodes of political absurdity readers will find disturbing.

Soundbite from Prime Minister Theresa May live last night (Wednesday): "Thank Christ for that", as Cabinet agreed to the draft Brexit withdrawal agreement after a tempestuous five hour long meeting.
Yes, it has been quite the week on Brexit Island, as Britain is now officially called, with promises as tantalising as a Victorian peep show that Mrs May and the EU27 were going to draft up an agreement in time. As frequently we heard "there's no chance gov'nor" as the more upbeat, "stay tuned".
As is custom, Mrs May's relief was to be short-lived however, as she lost Brexit Secretary Dominic Raab to r…

Drug Stockpiling, Deep Fried Crap Land and the Tech Worker Fleece

FROM urgent calls for patients to stockpile their own medicine and Legoland renamed "Deep Fried Crap Land", to the tech worker's wardrobe essential - the fleece, welcome to This Reporter's daily news and style round-up.

Patients are being urged to start stockpiling their own drugs as soon as it looks likely the UK will leave the EU with no deal. This is the message from the pharmaceutical industry as they warn MPs a no deal Brexit will be "catastrophic" for medicine supplies.

Pharmaceutical bods elaborated, government contingency plans for suppliers to stockpile several weeks of drugs were insufficient and there were no facilities at ports to store drugs at low temperatures in event of delays. They pleaded the next phase of plans should be put in place. Meanwhile This Reporter urges immediate raids of pharmacies. Just don't say who sent you.

It's fair to say Donald Trump has never had the riches of the English language at his fingertips but the Pres…

Mail Bombs, Ross from Friends and the Dr Marten Boots

FROM the suspected bombs sent out to Trump's critics and Ross from Friends in the frame with Blackpool police, to the resurgence of picket line favourite - the Dr Marten boot, welcome to This Reporter's daily news and style round-up.

In the words of many a newspaper columnist, "the rhetoric became real" yesterday (Wednesday) as it emerged suspected explosives had been sent to a host of prominent Donald Trump critics including former President Barack Obama and Democrat presidential nominee Hilary Clinton. The "bombs" were intercepted by the US Secret Service. On the same day the CNN studios in New York were evacuated after a "live explosive device" was found in its mail room.

New York police commissioner James O-Neill said the targets may have been selected due to their opposition to Trump. And Trump's constant rhetoric of violence towards his opponents - including most recently praising the "slam-dunking" of a Guardian journalist - i…

Body Double, Plastic Bottle Currency and the Burberry Giant Tote

FROM Khashoggi's body double and plastic bottle currency, to the return of the super-sized tote bag, welcome to This Reporter's daily news and style round-up.

CCTV footage has "suddenly" emerged of what appears to be a body double dressed up in murdered journalist Jamal Khashoggi's clothes. It is believed the doppelganger donned Khashoggi's clothes and a fake beard and intentionally made sure he was captured on CCTV in a bid to pretend Khashoggi was still alive. The rookie error came where it can be clearly seen the Saudi agent kept his own trainers on.

Meanwhile Turkish President Recep Tayyio Erdogan has expressed his determination to get to the bottom of what happened to Khashoggi after he entered the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul, by addressing Parliament with a speech compiling all the leaks, evidence and speculation on the case so far in order to expose the "naked truth" of the Saudi Government's involvement.

Threats of violence against Prime…