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Cameron's Comeback, "The Grid" and a Passport to Chic

WITH the bad boys of Brexit back in town and no feasible escape from this rapidly sinking island, all hope clings to a leather dress. Welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up.

Prime Minister Theresa May will be interrogated by children, we learnt, after signing up to appear on Sky Kids news programme 'FYI'. Mrs May is famed for shirking the TV interview - besides which, serious television journalists appear to have lost their (news) sense - so it looks like it falls to the youngest and let's face it, far more assiduous minds, to ask Mrs May how much more it will take to sack off Brexit?
And here's the very man we'll say arguably, but in all fairness we mean actually, got us into this mess in the first place. Namely David Cameron, letting slip to his friends he was bored witless putting his trotters up in his second shepherd's hut in Nice, and wanted to return to front line politics. His remorseless eyes set on the post of foreign secretary. He can certainly forget any heroes welcome as MPs spat: "he caused enough damage the first time".
(Other) friends have since rubbished the rumours, saying Dave is busy working on his memoirs. How do we explain away this conflicting information? An episode of writer's block perchance? May This Reporter suggest a crash course in automatic writing as a matter of public interest.
In news sub headed 'who still thinks the Brexit referendum was kosha?' we check back in with the far too glamorously entitled "bad boy of Brexit" himself, Arron Banks. Whose shady shenanigans around the Leave.EU Brexit campaign you would say in any other world, had caught up with him. The Brexiteer and millionaire has been "referred" to the National Crime Agency, for multiple dodgy doings over his funding of said campaign.
There are grand suspicions over the origin of the millions, possibly Russian, whilst there is also talk he lied about how involved the staff at his insurance company, Rock (Bottom) Services were, in Brexit propaganda. Mr Banks certainly has criminal questions to answer but meanwhile he was allowed to live out his best life being questioned on TV by Andrew Marr.
What you don't know can't hurt you but could make you look a plonker is the motto, as it was revealed the Culture Secretary Jeremy Wright does not subscribe to a single British newspaper or magazine. This is despite being responsible for overseeing the British media industry. And thus he appears to be the walking/talking embodiment of Michael Gove's adage "we're fed up of experts", writ large.
He was also unable to name a single female columnist despite repeated plunge attempts, by journalists, and appeared just the shade the hypocrite as he declared British journalism was "not sufficiently rewarded".
Meanwhile, Health Secretary Nick Hancock exclaims prevention is better than cure, in a piece of news accompanied by the unmistakable toll of the NHS death knell. Mr Hancock insists the British public must take personal responsibility for their health, cutting down on alcohol, junk food and the like, to stave off serious illness and obesity. This Reporter contemplates there may be an ulterior motive in here somewhere as next week mandatory classes begin in self amputation and suture.
One politician who didn't get the memo about this not being the week to shout the joys of Brexit was Dominic Raab, who is now famed for creating the swiftest of u-turns in Government history. Quite the feat considering the bar is now set at limbo-only height.
The Brexit Secretary, who we had considered less foolish than the last one, received a slap down for saying Brexit will be "done" by November 21st. Based on absolutely nothing but a hefty swig of wishful thinking, Mr Raab was forced to swallow his words just hours after filing them. Though evidence suggests, in manner of Mystic Meg, Mr Raab was onto something.
The question remains is the "leaked" plan to sell the Brexit deal - known as "the communications grid" - really just a ruse on the part of a "zany" politician or the last act of the script they've been following all along?
Plotting a series of PR events over the course of November, including a triumphant announcement that Cabinet has sealed a deal and Theresa May interviewed by David Dimbleby, No.10 Downing Street has distanced itself from "the grid" saying - and This Reporter can't help thinking this in itself is problematic - it does not reflect their thinking.
With no avenue left unexplored in a bid to get off this rapidly sinking island - including an ongoing game of Irish citizenship application - This Reporter concludes she has stumbled across our surest way of getting out of here. She hopes. And it's a "butter soft" leather dress like this one by Maje - which Vogue magazine declares is our "passport to chic".

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