Skip to main content

Cameron's Comeback, "The Grid" and a Passport to Chic

WITH the bad boys of Brexit back in town and no feasible escape from this rapidly sinking island, all hope clings to a leather dress. Welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up.

Prime Minister Theresa May will be interrogated by children, we learnt, after signing up to appear on Sky Kids news programme 'FYI'. Mrs May is famed for shirking the TV interview - besides which, serious television journalists appear to have lost their (news) sense - so it looks like it falls to the youngest and let's face it, far more assiduous minds, to ask Mrs May how much more it will take to sack off Brexit?
And here's the very man we'll say arguably, but in all fairness we mean actually, got us into this mess in the first place. Namely David Cameron, letting slip to his friends he was bored witless putting his trotters up in his second shepherd's hut in Nice, and wanted to return to front line politics. His remorseless eyes set on the post of foreign secretary. He can certainly forget any heroes welcome as MPs spat: "he caused enough damage the first time".
(Other) friends have since rubbished the rumours, saying Dave is busy working on his memoirs. How do we explain away this conflicting information? An episode of writer's block perchance? May This Reporter suggest a crash course in automatic writing as a matter of public interest.
In news sub headed 'who still thinks the Brexit referendum was kosha?' we check back in with the far too glamorously entitled "bad boy of Brexit" himself, Arron Banks. Whose shady shenanigans around the Leave.EU Brexit campaign you would say in any other world, had caught up with him. The Brexiteer and millionaire has been "referred" to the National Crime Agency, for multiple dodgy doings over his funding of said campaign.
There are grand suspicions over the origin of the millions, possibly Russian, whilst there is also talk he lied about how involved the staff at his insurance company, Rock (Bottom) Services were, in Brexit propaganda. Mr Banks certainly has criminal questions to answer but meanwhile he was allowed to live out his best life being questioned on TV by Andrew Marr.
What you don't know can't hurt you but could make you look a plonker is the motto, as it was revealed the Culture Secretary Jeremy Wright does not subscribe to a single British newspaper or magazine. This is despite being responsible for overseeing the British media industry. And thus he appears to be the walking/talking embodiment of Michael Gove's adage "we're fed up of experts", writ large.
He was also unable to name a single female columnist despite repeated plunge attempts, by journalists, and appeared just the shade the hypocrite as he declared British journalism was "not sufficiently rewarded".
Meanwhile, Health Secretary Nick Hancock exclaims prevention is better than cure, in a piece of news accompanied by the unmistakable toll of the NHS death knell. Mr Hancock insists the British public must take personal responsibility for their health, cutting down on alcohol, junk food and the like, to stave off serious illness and obesity. This Reporter contemplates there may be an ulterior motive in here somewhere as next week mandatory classes begin in self amputation and suture.
One politician who didn't get the memo about this not being the week to shout the joys of Brexit was Dominic Raab, who is now famed for creating the swiftest of u-turns in Government history. Quite the feat considering the bar is now set at limbo-only height.
The Brexit Secretary, who we had considered less foolish than the last one, received a slap down for saying Brexit will be "done" by November 21st. Based on absolutely nothing but a hefty swig of wishful thinking, Mr Raab was forced to swallow his words just hours after filing them. Though evidence suggests, in manner of Mystic Meg, Mr Raab was onto something.
The question remains is the "leaked" plan to sell the Brexit deal - known as "the communications grid" - really just a ruse on the part of a "zany" politician or the last act of the script they've been following all along?
Plotting a series of PR events over the course of November, including a triumphant announcement that Cabinet has sealed a deal and Theresa May interviewed by David Dimbleby, No.10 Downing Street has distanced itself from "the grid" saying - and This Reporter can't help thinking this in itself is problematic - it does not reflect their thinking.
With no avenue left unexplored in a bid to get off this rapidly sinking island - including an ongoing game of Irish citizenship application - This Reporter concludes she has stumbled across our surest way of getting out of here. She hopes. And it's a "butter soft" leather dress like this one by Maje - which Vogue magazine declares is our "passport to chic".

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Meghan and Harry "grin in the rain" and the Kimono-wearing fox killer

FROM Meghan and Harry making their first appearance in the UK together since Megxit, to the kimono-wearing fox killer who appears to have been cleared of all crimes, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Friday 6th March 2020. Yes that's right, This Reporter is declaring this particular news gathering outlet a Coronavirus free zone as we kick off today's headlines with the news Meghan and Harry, otherwise known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have returned to the UK and had their photograph taken together, under an umbrella, in the rain. The couple were in town - London specifically - as they wind up their official duties before bowing out of royal life forever, with last night's paparazzi extravaganza related to their attendance at the Endeavour Film awards. With what we can only assume were fixed grins on their faces as they braved the weather, and the fact these moments under the media spotlight, were exactly what they were talking about when

Government accused of Coronavirus cover-up and Veggie Corbyn booed at kebab awards

FROM the UK Government announcing it will only release Coronavirus data weekly, to vegetarian Jeremy Corbyn presenting an award for the best kebab, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Thursday 5th March 2020. The Government has been accused of withholding information about the spread of Coronavirus after a 70 per cent increase in confirmed cases prompted health chiefs to stop providing daily updates on the location of new infections. Instead they will be provided on a Friday in a weekly round-up. Thirty six new UK cases were announced yesterday (Wednesday) bringing the grand total to 87 people. A former director at Public Health England said the move to weekly updates should be reconsidered to allow the public to make informed decisions. In related news, the Government is putting in place contingency plans, should the virus outbreak become widespread, to close Parliament for up to three months to stop 650 potential "super spreaders". Which gives Th

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020. A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it. But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people&#

Coronavirus: Supermarkets to "feed the nation" and Laughing at nudists

FROM supermarkets drawing up "feed the nation" contingency plans amid Coronavirus, to pleas to make laughing at nudists a hate crime, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Tuesday 3rd March 2020. As the World Health Organisation declares the world is "in uncharted territory" with this Coronavirus, UK supermarkets have drawn up "feed the nation" contingency plans to cope with any panic buying. Including scaling back the variety of foods and groceries available and instead focusing on maintaining supplies of staple products. The government has been accused, meanwhile, of failing to grasp the threat of gig economy workers spreading Coronavirus, by continuing to work because they don't get sick pay and can't afford time off. Unions warned there are more than a million such workers, many of whom visit hundreds of addresses every week delivering parcels and takeaways and carrying passengers in minicabs. As part of the Government&

Rudd's resignation, Trump's visit and Kat Von D's indestructible eyeliner

You better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout. I'm telling you why. Donald Trump is coming to town. More about that later. First, some serious news. (This reporter puts on her most sensible of news reading glasses). The Guardian reports today (Monday) that Amber Rudd has "dramatically" resigned as home secretary after "repeatedly struggling to account for her role in the unjust treatment of Windrush generation migrants." The documenter of our times continues: "The home secretary was forced to step down after a series of revelations in the Guardian over Windrush culminated in a leak on Friday that appeared to show she was aware of targets for removing illegal migrants from Britain. "The pressure increased late on Sunday afternoon as the Guardian revealed that in a leaked 2017 letter to Theresa May, Rudd had told the Prime Minister of her intention to increase deportations by 10 per cent - seemingly at odds with her recent denials that