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Showing posts from December, 2018

This Reporter's 2018 Christmas Message and the Uplifting Pink Party Frock

A TRAWL through the archives has confirmed This Reporter's suspicions. At this time of year she should be angling her words towards things of more festive note. It was this time last year, for example, she regaled you with the hoi polloi extravagance of shelling out tens of thousands to hire in professional Christmas decorators. The ultimate yuletide 'Keeping up with the Jones', where it is de rigueur to have a sleigh and live reindeer moored up in the garden.
This Reporter approximates this year's equivalent - measured by weight of same level of grotesqueness - would be that of President Donald Trump's son Donald Trump Jr having to put up with his dad's incessant regifting of monogrammed items, because he unfortunately bears the same name.
Similarly, the news Russian President Vladimir Putin's 2019 calendar, featuring such delightful shots as a semi-clad Vladimir lowering himself into the icy waters of Lake Seliger and nonchalantly lifting weights in the g…

No Vote, No Confidence - But Theresa Triumphs

WHAT ever cast iron steel Prime Minister Theresa May is made of, This Reporter suggests we build all future bridges out of it. Maybe a celebratory 'Theresa Bridge' with a metalwork statue of her pinioned up at the entrance, and exit - as she really has demonstrated she is indestructible this week. There is no way of defeating her.
Admittedly it looked like curtains for Mrs May on Wednesday morning when it was revealed that Graham Brady, Chairman of the 1922 Committee, had received more than the prerequisite 48 letters of no confidence from Tory MPs, fed up with her shambolic management of the Brexit process. Reaching a head with her decision to delay a vote in Parliament on her deal, and only exacerbated by her inability to open a car door.
Potential new PMs were busy shuffling themselves into position ready to fight it out in a leadership contest, which could have taken up to six weeks and, ironically, potentially delayed the Brexit process by months. That would have been one…

Peanut Butter, Brexit D-Day and Question Time

THERESA May comfort eating peanut butter straight out the jar is unequivocally the most scintillating piece of information to come out of these Brexit shambles. It's the wheat field all over again but without quite such a pleasing visual.
Before we get to the meat of the matter - something about a make-or-break Commons vote on the Brexit deal tomorrow (Tuesday) - may This Reporter point the Prime Minister in the direction of an article by Guardian writer Stuart Heritage, who went on a self-less mission to see just how drunk it was possible to get on Christmas food. Several mince pies, Christmas puds and trifles later, Mr Heritage found himself pushing the alcoholic boundaries of the breathalyser.
Which leads This Reporter to the suggestion, maybe Mrs May would like to substitute her peanut butter for brandy butter as a festive alternative. A subtle way to alter the mind state for the week ahead.
On to the feeling on the ground as we head to Brexit D-Day - say it fast and in a jaun…

Unlikely Lovebirds and Boris Books in Some Attention

PITY the Boris Johnson. He has barely had a shout out in the press this week amidst all the Brexit commotion. This Reporter envisions his fingers just itching to get to his typewriter keys to bosh out an extra scathing tome on proceedings, in time for The Telegraph's Sunday edition.
But what's this - joys springs eternal, as we hear that Mr Johnson has been hauled in front of Parliament to apologise for the hapless transgression, of taking "too long" to declare £53,000 in earnings from his books.
A damning report to the Commons Committee on Standards said Mr Johnson took an "over-casual attitude" to parliamentary rules and should apologise. The worst bit about this - the reminder Boris "writes" books.
Mr Johnson, basking in the spotlight, intoned the delay had been "unintentional" but offered the house a "full and unreserved apology" - and many thanks for giving him some much-needed attention.
A donkey and an emu who fell in lo…

The 7-year-old YouTube Millionaire and a Case of Stolen Brexit

SELFIE the scene if you will. The world has reached the equilibrium of a cruet set. Everything is in its perfect place. Hard-working, honest people rise to the top. Greedy, cheating, villainous mongrels sink without a trace.
Enter, crashing into the scene with his brand new monster truck, seven-year-old YouTube sensation Ryan, who has earned £17.3million in the last year for reviewing toys with his mum and dad. He unboxes a new toy every week and gets filmed playing with it under the guise of toy expert.
For his efforts he has become the world's highest earning YouTuber - with 17 million subscribers and his videos watched 25 billion times. Controversy warning...This child, dear readers, represents everything that is wrong with the world.
Brexit debating is rambling on a apace - though this choice of words suggests far more forward momentum - and This Reporter has endeavoured to deliver some choice snippets for your delectation. Please deposit discreetly into a napkin if you find t…

Parliament Strikes Back and the First Fashionista

IF Brexit were a movie, and indeed This Reporter believes there is something in the works starring Benedict Cumberbatch. Or that may have been "The Grinch Steals Christmas", she is thinking of. Certainly a film along the lines of unnecessary miserly, misery being inflicted upon an, in the main part, peaceable people.
To resume, if Brexit were a movie - a multi-parter to be exact - the events of the last 24 hours would appear under the banner, "Parliament Strikes Back".
Prime Minister Theresa May's Brexit plan was dealt not one, not two, but three hammer blows during the course of proceedings yesterday (Tuesday). The first being the European Court's by no means insignificant ruling that Article 50 could be overturned unilaterally, or in plain speak, the UK could quite easily, as some have suspected all along, stop Brexit in its tracks any time. Right now, if they wished.
The second hammer blow came through a Commons vote in favour of the Government being hel…

Backstop Rhino and the Lost Engagement Ring Saga

THERE is not a journalist worth their salt who hasn't questioned Prime Minister Theresa May over whether she intends to stand down, should her Brexit plan be defeated in Parliament. And this time it was the turn of Rochelle Humes of The Saturday's fame.
On the contrary, this does not herald an era in which any old, randomated celebrity gets a turn to give Mrs May a grilling - though that may be an idea for another day - but occurred during Rochelle's stint sitting in as guest presenter on ITV's This Morning.
In response to her most terrifying questioner to date, Mrs May declared: "I will still have a job in two weeks' time."
In follow up to yesterday's (Monday's) story regarding Mrs May's potentially contemptuous reluctance to reveal the full legal connotations of Brexit, we have been made party to a fairly solid reason why.
Namely, the full legal documentation notes we could potentially be locked into the "Backstop", forever. The Ba…

Van Gogh? May Incarcerated and The Spectator Awards

IT can only be described as a bit of a bummer that the photograph art lovers believed for decades to be Dutch impressionist artist Vincent Van Gogh was actually of his older brother Theo. The photograph doing the rounds since the 1950s, appearing in countless books and catalogues, was always billed the earliest known photograph of the ultra famous artist, until the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam poured the kibosh on it saying: "actually I think you'll find you're mistaken".
Thanks to goodness we're currently not living through such a monumental historical disaster...
Thus with joy in our hearts This Reporter suggests we settle in for an exert from the London born wordsmith that is Plan B, renowned for such lyrics as: "She said I love you boy I love you so, She said I love you baby, oh-oh-oh-oooohh ooohhh". Despite his impressive use of the monosyllable, however, Prime Minister Theresa May has made it expressly clear she is not a fan, of plan B. Though whe…