Skip to main content

No Vote, No Confidence - But Theresa Triumphs

WHAT ever cast iron steel Prime Minister Theresa May is made of, This Reporter suggests we build all future bridges out of it. Maybe a celebratory 'Theresa Bridge' with a metalwork statue of her pinioned up at the entrance, and exit - as she really has demonstrated she is indestructible this week. There is no way of defeating her.
Admittedly it looked like curtains for Mrs May on Wednesday morning when it was revealed that Graham Brady, Chairman of the 1922 Committee, had received more than the prerequisite 48 letters of no confidence from Tory MPs, fed up with her shambolic management of the Brexit process. Reaching a head with her decision to delay a vote in Parliament on her deal, and only exacerbated by her inability to open a car door.
Potential new PMs were busy shuffling themselves into position ready to fight it out in a leadership contest, which could have taken up to six weeks and, ironically, potentially delayed the Brexit process by months. That would have been one in the eye for those who have consistently shouted "just get on with it".
But it wasn't to be. One third of Tory MPs voted to oust Mrs May in a secret ballot on Wednesday evening. Not nearly enough to get rid of her. Despite Jacob Rees-Mogg's insistence it was sufficient to force her to resign. (Doesn't he just persist.)
There can now be no further votes of no confidence in Mrs May for the next year. In theory, guaranteeing it will be her who "guides" us through the remainder of the Brexit process. The glaring issue remains however, that after this no confidence palaver, her chances of getting enough bods on board to pass her Brexit plan through Parliament looks slimmer than ever.

Readers, let's trace our way back along the timeline of events to see what led up to Mrs May's most "victorious" of victories...

"Before the fire alarm rings, you will deny the vote on Brexit has been called off three times," decrees God. Sure enough, early on Monday morning, on Radio 4's Today programme, MP Michael Gove declares the vote is "still going ahead". At 11am the official line from Downing Street is the vote is still on. At 11.07am the fire alarm goes off and the Houses of Parliament have to be evacuated. "Two out of three ain't bad," concludes God.
At 11.30am Mrs May convenes a conference call with all Cabinet members informing them the Parliamentary vote on her Brexit deal is to be postponed, since she faces crushing defeat.
Mrs May, officially briefing the Commons later in the day, says she has "listened very carefully to what had been said," prompting universal laughter. She said she plans to flee, light foot, to the continent and grovel with EU leaders about the House's concerns - principally about the Northern Ireland backstop, which she believes to be the only sticking point.
The fact EU leaders have said time and again there can be no renegotiation - a mere inconsequence. To jettison forward in time a moment - the EU leaders do indeed reconfirm to Mrs May they will not renegotiate and are stepping up their plans for a No Deal exit.
Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn meanwhile, more than ready to accuse Mrs May of losing control, refuses to take up the call to immediately file a vote of no confidence in the Government as leader of the opposition. He says he wants to wait until such moment he judges it will be successful. (Now would be the time Jezza, now.)
In "dramatic" scenes, at the same meeting, Labour MP Lloyd Russell-Moyle grabs the ceremonial parliamentary Mace from the table, holds it aloft and proceeds to walk down the line with it, only to meekly hand it back to security guards and quietly be led out of the House.
Russell-Moyle said of the incident later, it was a "spur-of-the-moment" decision after "feeling worked up the whole day". "I originally intended to just put it on the floor or something. I was worried that I might damage it", he adds.
Some time later, out on the streets, a man is handcuffed and tasered by police after trying to storm the doors of the Houses of Parliament. The official statement is this incident was not thought to be an act of terrorism and as it stood, it was unclear what could have motivated him. This Reporter thinks we could at least have a stab in the dark.
Later still, Mrs May arrives to see Germany's Angela Merkel and on trying to get out to say "hello", finds herself locked in the car.
This should have proved a metaphor too far. Ultimately, as it turned out - it wasn't.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Government accused of Coronavirus cover-up and Veggie Corbyn booed at kebab awards

FROM the UK Government announcing it will only release Coronavirus data weekly, to vegetarian Jeremy Corbyn presenting an award for the best kebab, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Thursday 5th March 2020. The Government has been accused of withholding information about the spread of Coronavirus after a 70 per cent increase in confirmed cases prompted health chiefs to stop providing daily updates on the location of new infections. Instead they will be provided on a Friday in a weekly round-up. Thirty six new UK cases were announced yesterday (Wednesday) bringing the grand total to 87 people. A former director at Public Health England said the move to weekly updates should be reconsidered to allow the public to make informed decisions. In related news, the Government is putting in place contingency plans, should the virus outbreak become widespread, to close Parliament for up to three months to stop 650 potential "super spreaders". Which gives Th

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020. A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it. But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people&#

Meghan and Harry "grin in the rain" and the Kimono-wearing fox killer

FROM Meghan and Harry making their first appearance in the UK together since Megxit, to the kimono-wearing fox killer who appears to have been cleared of all crimes, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Friday 6th March 2020. Yes that's right, This Reporter is declaring this particular news gathering outlet a Coronavirus free zone as we kick off today's headlines with the news Meghan and Harry, otherwise known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have returned to the UK and had their photograph taken together, under an umbrella, in the rain. The couple were in town - London specifically - as they wind up their official duties before bowing out of royal life forever, with last night's paparazzi extravaganza related to their attendance at the Endeavour Film awards. With what we can only assume were fixed grins on their faces as they braved the weather, and the fact these moments under the media spotlight, were exactly what they were talking about when

Pig stalkers, BoJo's Jet and the Zara contrast print dress

Socks off. Do you remember the childhood rhyme which runs: "This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home..."? You do. Well this story is the remixed version. A man in America called the police when a 'persistent pig' followed him home from a train station, it is reported. He called the North Ridgeville Police Station in Ohio at 5.26am on Saturday claiming the pig was following him and, understandably, the officers thought he must be inebriated (the man that is, not the pig). However, on arriving at the 'scene' they found a completely sober man who was indeed being followed by a piggy stalker. One of the officers managed to 'coerce' the pig into his police car (no jokes please) and brought the pig back to the station where he was locked in one of the dog kennels. The pig has since been reunited with his owner. Time for some news headlines and today it has been announced Sweden has distributed a 'be prepared for war

Empire pineapples, ignoring the news and the Zara fringed t-shirt

The pineapple - the symbol of the plunder and prosper of the Great British Empire, the centre piece of the opulent Victorian dinner table, the skewered accessory of the trendy 1980's cocktail party. It's back and its timing is impeccable. No more the virtuous healthiness of millennial favourite, the avocado. Supermarkets are declaring that sales of the spikier, tongue clackingly sour/sweet pineapple are on the rise and set to mash its rival into a soup. And this reporter suspects there is something far deeper going on here than a change in preference of fruit. As she suggested in her intro up there, this is without doubt entangled with this country's vision of a glorious Brittas Empire, as we emerge blinking and stumbling from our dark EU incarceration and into a new dawn of sovereignty once again - just as soon as the French have made us our new blue passports. Oblivious to this change in fruity preference is a wealthy American introduced to this reporter by David Mi