Skip to main content

No Vote, No Confidence - But Theresa Triumphs

WHAT ever cast iron steel Prime Minister Theresa May is made of, This Reporter suggests we build all future bridges out of it. Maybe a celebratory 'Theresa Bridge' with a metalwork statue of her pinioned up at the entrance, and exit - as she really has demonstrated she is indestructible this week. There is no way of defeating her.
Admittedly it looked like curtains for Mrs May on Wednesday morning when it was revealed that Graham Brady, Chairman of the 1922 Committee, had received more than the prerequisite 48 letters of no confidence from Tory MPs, fed up with her shambolic management of the Brexit process. Reaching a head with her decision to delay a vote in Parliament on her deal, and only exacerbated by her inability to open a car door.
Potential new PMs were busy shuffling themselves into position ready to fight it out in a leadership contest, which could have taken up to six weeks and, ironically, potentially delayed the Brexit process by months. That would have been one in the eye for those who have consistently shouted "just get on with it".
But it wasn't to be. One third of Tory MPs voted to oust Mrs May in a secret ballot on Wednesday evening. Not nearly enough to get rid of her. Despite Jacob Rees-Mogg's insistence it was sufficient to force her to resign. (Doesn't he just persist.)
There can now be no further votes of no confidence in Mrs May for the next year. In theory, guaranteeing it will be her who "guides" us through the remainder of the Brexit process. The glaring issue remains however, that after this no confidence palaver, her chances of getting enough bods on board to pass her Brexit plan through Parliament looks slimmer than ever.

Readers, let's trace our way back along the timeline of events to see what led up to Mrs May's most "victorious" of victories...

"Before the fire alarm rings, you will deny the vote on Brexit has been called off three times," decrees God. Sure enough, early on Monday morning, on Radio 4's Today programme, MP Michael Gove declares the vote is "still going ahead". At 11am the official line from Downing Street is the vote is still on. At 11.07am the fire alarm goes off and the Houses of Parliament have to be evacuated. "Two out of three ain't bad," concludes God.
At 11.30am Mrs May convenes a conference call with all Cabinet members informing them the Parliamentary vote on her Brexit deal is to be postponed, since she faces crushing defeat.
Mrs May, officially briefing the Commons later in the day, says she has "listened very carefully to what had been said," prompting universal laughter. She said she plans to flee, light foot, to the continent and grovel with EU leaders about the House's concerns - principally about the Northern Ireland backstop, which she believes to be the only sticking point.
The fact EU leaders have said time and again there can be no renegotiation - a mere inconsequence. To jettison forward in time a moment - the EU leaders do indeed reconfirm to Mrs May they will not renegotiate and are stepping up their plans for a No Deal exit.
Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn meanwhile, more than ready to accuse Mrs May of losing control, refuses to take up the call to immediately file a vote of no confidence in the Government as leader of the opposition. He says he wants to wait until such moment he judges it will be successful. (Now would be the time Jezza, now.)
In "dramatic" scenes, at the same meeting, Labour MP Lloyd Russell-Moyle grabs the ceremonial parliamentary Mace from the table, holds it aloft and proceeds to walk down the line with it, only to meekly hand it back to security guards and quietly be led out of the House.
Russell-Moyle said of the incident later, it was a "spur-of-the-moment" decision after "feeling worked up the whole day". "I originally intended to just put it on the floor or something. I was worried that I might damage it", he adds.
Some time later, out on the streets, a man is handcuffed and tasered by police after trying to storm the doors of the Houses of Parliament. The official statement is this incident was not thought to be an act of terrorism and as it stood, it was unclear what could have motivated him. This Reporter thinks we could at least have a stab in the dark.
Later still, Mrs May arrives to see Germany's Angela Merkel and on trying to get out to say "hello", finds herself locked in the car.
This should have proved a metaphor too far. Ultimately, as it turned out - it wasn't.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Stranded in Brexit Britain - A Taco Sauce Survival Tale

WITH three weeks to go and about as much readiness as you can fit into a Borrower's knapsack, the pressing question remains, who is going to stop Brexit? The obvious candidate, not to go all Rees-Mogg on you, is the Queen. Who in theory, if not in practise, has the power and from previous allusions, thinks Brexit a load of piffle.
Failing the Queen, who let's face it has her hands full as a member of the sandwich generation - wrangling the car keys out of Prince Philip's mitts on the one hand and helping Meghan practise for her hypno-birth, on the other. If the Queen is not available there are "dupes" for her.
Victoria Beckham is to deliver a Queen's Speech on "Christmas Day" in March to launch her YouTube channel, on basis these speeches are "quite popular" and as we are constantly reminded by those around her, Mrs Beckham is witty and self-deprecating. Highlights will include her rallying cry to get people to subscribe to her channel: &q…

Corbyn's Phoney People's Vote, Pot Shots and Gigantic Bows

FROM Corbyn's phoney call for a People's Vote and the cliffhanger pot shot video tape, to the Roksanda blouse with the enormous bows, welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up.

Cadbury can only be a sugar rush away from filing a trademark infringement against the British government (to wit - the "Crunchie") as the political world of farcical doom entered yet another of its relentless crunch weeks. Providing, of course, the Crunchie bar was packed from first bite instead of with honeycomb, space dust, and instead of with space dust, TNT and instead of with TNT, nuclear active garbage just 29 days away from detonate, because that's about where we are with Brexit.
Prime Minister Theresa May is under the mistaken impression that the best way to avoid cataclysmic disaster is to dodge it. Colloquially known as "the swerve". As that is exactly what she has done over the meaningful vote - part numero deux - on her deal, which was due to take…

Bercow Bans Brexit Vote 3, Tram Shooting and the Tortoise Illusion Cake

FROM John Bercow banning a third Brexit vote and another suspected terrorist attack - this time on a tram in Utrecht - to the ultimate in tortoise illusion cakes (spoiler alert: it wasn't a cake) welcome to This Reporter's daily news round-up.

Some have called it a massive spanner in the works, others a "constitutional crisis", whilst those more scholarly types have plumped for "Erskine Mayhem". Either way we are all talking about Common's Speaker John Bercow making the "shock" announcement yesterday (Monday) he was banning Prime Minister Theresa May from putting her Brexit deal before Parliament for meaningful vote a third time, unless it underwent substantial changes.
What Mr Bercow appears to have done is got the PM on an historical technicality. Quoting from the guide to parliamentary procedure, Erskine May (no relation to our leader) he said the Commons could not be "repeatedly asked to pronounce" on the same question.
Inevitabl…

Brexit Crisis, Boris "Spaffed" Johnson and Prince Charles' Beach Bod

FROM MPs' dawning revelation that yes, Brexit is in crisis and Boris Johnson's leadership bid "spaffed up a wall", to Prince Charles' "impressive" beach bod, welcome to This Reporter's daily news round-up.

"It's like the last days of Rome". A direct quote there, which shows at long last MPs have cottoned on to what the rest of the country/Europe/the world could have told them months and months (and months) ago -  Brexit is at crisis point.
Prime Minister Theresa May herself admitted that things were not going quite according to plan yesterday (Tuesday) and, to be frank, exiting the European Union on 29th March (next week) probably wasn't going to happen.
But instead of taking some form of useful action to try and sort this crisis out, she has decided to make a move which will only takes things from shockingly bad to unfathomably worse. This Reporter refers to Mrs May writing to EU Chief Michael Barnier to request only a short exten…

Brexit: Where's Barbara Cartland's magic acorn when you need it?

THERE are no words - quite the technical hitch when it comes to writing - to do justice to the single greatest political calamity of our generation. This Reporter considered instead using expressionist art or shadow puppetry. She would make a concerted effort at it for five minutes before setting fire to the whole damn lot - as symbolism.
As alternative, let's start with the bare-boned facts of the matter. Prime Minister Theresa May lost her second meaningful vote on her Brexit deal in Parliament on Tuesday night by a stonking 391 votes to 242. Not the complete annihilation of meaningless vote part numero one, but still an almost unprecedented disaster.
David Cameron, tracked down at his lair, said: "I don't understand why MPs who have always wanted Brexit keep voting against it". Well David, sometimes people do the most unfathomable of things don't they. But back to the facts.
Mrs May's promise of votes on No Deal and Article 50 extension are coming up next.…