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Peanut Butter, Brexit D-Day and Question Time

THERESA May comfort eating peanut butter straight out the jar is unequivocally the most scintillating piece of information to come out of these Brexit shambles. It's the wheat field all over again but without quite such a pleasing visual.
Before we get to the meat of the matter - something about a make-or-break Commons vote on the Brexit deal tomorrow (Tuesday) - may This Reporter point the Prime Minister in the direction of an article by Guardian writer Stuart Heritage, who went on a self-less mission to see just how drunk it was possible to get on Christmas food. Several mince pies, Christmas puds and trifles later, Mr Heritage found himself pushing the alcoholic boundaries of the breathalyser.
Which leads This Reporter to the suggestion, maybe Mrs May would like to substitute her peanut butter for brandy butter as a festive alternative. A subtle way to alter the mind state for the week ahead.
On to the feeling on the ground as we head to Brexit D-Day - say it fast and in a jaunty manner and it sounds straight out of A A Milne. Or alternatively a little Irish, though best tread carefully with that, following Tory backbencher Priti Patel's comments the most effective way to get Ireland to shut up about their borders was to starve them into submission.
This Reporter recognises this is the age of the remake (Mary Poppins? Is there any need) but This Reporter's pretty sure there's no great call to revisit the potato famine.
Back to the feeling on the ground and the most extraordinary news to report would be Mrs May is displaying a sense of uncertainty over her deal - amid a recognition the majority don't seem to like it. Never fear - Mrs May is keeping to type. Certainly as long as the peanut butter holds out.
There is much talk amongst Cabinet members that Mrs May cannot possibly "brazen it out" should she lose the vote on Tuesday and that she would have no choice but to step down. Quite the queue is forming of those willing to step into her shoes and take charge of proceedings - Dominic Raab, Esther McVey and of course Boris Johnson.
Who sporting a new haircut and a new found sense of empathy alleged on Sunday that he not only felt a "personal responsibility" for Brexit but a "personal responsibility" for job losses should the UK leave without a deal.
There is much 11th hour speculation Mrs May could delay the vote, to prevent the inevitable cataclysmic defeat, and return to the EU to ask for further concessions in order to get MPs on side. This week's Brexit Secretary Stephen Barclay has assured however, the vote is absolutely going ahead. "That's because it's a good deal and it's the only deal" he said.
Meanwhile, there is great movement towards Remain. The balance of the polls has tipped for the first time over the 50 per cent mark, in favour of remaining in the EU. Just as it was officially recognised this morning (Monday) by the European Court of Justice, that the UK can pull out of Brexit without the agreement of the other members of the EU. What do the Brexiteers have to say about that one? "What's it to us, we're leaving anyway".
In the meanwhile, Fiona Bruce has been appointed new presenter of gammon's favourite BBC Question Time, to replace David Dimbleby when he steps down in the new year. Much has been made of Dimbleby's long-service to the programme, only missing one edition in 24 years, when he was kicked in the knee by a bullock down on his farm.
Suggesting the issue Ms Bruce has to be most concerned about is not whether she will receive equal pay for doing the same job as Dimbleby, or even the great political uncertainty that will welcome her  - because who knows where we will be next week, never mind next year - but ensuring she never crosses paths with a bullock.
The whole scenario rather lends itself to the ultimate of dinner party questions. Would you allow yourself to be dealt a swift kick in the knee by a bullock in exchange for never having to talk about Brexit again? To this, This Reporter buys some time, by asking to be passed the brandy butter - with a very large spoon.

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