SELFIE the scene if you will. The world has reached the equilibrium of a cruet set. Everything is in its perfect place. Hard-working, honest people rise to the top. Greedy, cheating, villainous mongrels sink without a trace.
Enter, crashing into the scene with his brand new monster truck, seven-year-old YouTube sensation Ryan, who has earned £17.3million in the last year for reviewing toys with his mum and dad. He unboxes a new toy every week and gets filmed playing with it under the guise of toy expert.
For his efforts he has become the world's highest earning YouTuber - with 17 million subscribers and his videos watched 25 billion times. Controversy warning...This child, dear readers, represents everything that is wrong with the world.
Brexit debating is rambling on a apace - though this choice of words suggests far more forward momentum - and This Reporter has endeavoured to deliver some choice snippets for your delectation. Please deposit discreetly into a napkin if you find this Brexit business unpalatable or alternatively scamper onto the end of this article where Sport Direct's Mike Ashley is currently denying he is Santa Claus, for anyone who was under the illusion.
To Brexit, and there was a distinct reek of desperation in the air as Prime Minister Theresa May clung onto the nonsensical in bid to get votes yesterday (Wednesday) declaring, she was offering a "Backstop Lock". A what? This Reporter's initial thoughts exactly.
This would see Parliament able to vote on the Backstop's implementation, before it was implemented. "Risible" was the conclusion from the majority of MPs on basis as we all know, the Backstop is essential to maintain peace in Ireland, and all this vote is doing is delaying the inevitable.
"They're trying to steal Brexit from the people", International Trade Secretary Liam Fox was heard to wail, as he voiced his concerns that MPs attempts to undermine the Brexit process over the past few days were an affront to democracy. "I think we have to leave the EU because we have been instructed to do so by the British people. Parliament did not give the British public consultation. We contracted out our sovereignty on that particular issue...We said you take the decision whether we stay in the EU or not."
So says the man who commented setting up trade deals after Brexit would be the easiest thing to do in history.
Suggesting Brexit was more about saving political face than benefiting Britain, (quite the overwhelming suspicion), Chancellor Philip Hammond said any attempt to go back on the Brexit vote was a "Brexit betrayal". He continued, the far reaching negative consequences for the social fabric of Britain would far out weigh the small economic cost of leaving the EU. And next week's vote would allow the country to "accept that, in a rather British way, we have made a compromise solution and moved on".
Finally, as promised, we come to Mike Ashley, self-professed saviour of the high street, who took time out from polishing his halo to address a select committee at the Houses of Parliament.
Evidently buoyed on by his philanthropic triumphs buying out ailing retail chains House of Fraser and Evan Cycles, Mr Ashley decided he was the one to help MPs rejuvenate the retail sector.
Quite the turn around for the man who showed immense reluctance to darken the door of the Commons when called there at an earlier date, to justify his actions paying his Sports Direct warehouse staff below the minimum wage.
A choice snap shot of quotes from Mr Ashley's "formal" address runs thus: "The high street is at the bottom of the swimming pool", "It requires electric shock treatment", "I'm not God", "I'm not Father Christmas", "It's not my fault".
Readers, This Reporter's not sure Mr Ashley is the right man for the job.
Enter, crashing into the scene with his brand new monster truck, seven-year-old YouTube sensation Ryan, who has earned £17.3million in the last year for reviewing toys with his mum and dad. He unboxes a new toy every week and gets filmed playing with it under the guise of toy expert.
For his efforts he has become the world's highest earning YouTuber - with 17 million subscribers and his videos watched 25 billion times. Controversy warning...This child, dear readers, represents everything that is wrong with the world.
Brexit debating is rambling on a apace - though this choice of words suggests far more forward momentum - and This Reporter has endeavoured to deliver some choice snippets for your delectation. Please deposit discreetly into a napkin if you find this Brexit business unpalatable or alternatively scamper onto the end of this article where Sport Direct's Mike Ashley is currently denying he is Santa Claus, for anyone who was under the illusion.
To Brexit, and there was a distinct reek of desperation in the air as Prime Minister Theresa May clung onto the nonsensical in bid to get votes yesterday (Wednesday) declaring, she was offering a "Backstop Lock". A what? This Reporter's initial thoughts exactly.
This would see Parliament able to vote on the Backstop's implementation, before it was implemented. "Risible" was the conclusion from the majority of MPs on basis as we all know, the Backstop is essential to maintain peace in Ireland, and all this vote is doing is delaying the inevitable.
"They're trying to steal Brexit from the people", International Trade Secretary Liam Fox was heard to wail, as he voiced his concerns that MPs attempts to undermine the Brexit process over the past few days were an affront to democracy. "I think we have to leave the EU because we have been instructed to do so by the British people. Parliament did not give the British public consultation. We contracted out our sovereignty on that particular issue...We said you take the decision whether we stay in the EU or not."
So says the man who commented setting up trade deals after Brexit would be the easiest thing to do in history.
Suggesting Brexit was more about saving political face than benefiting Britain, (quite the overwhelming suspicion), Chancellor Philip Hammond said any attempt to go back on the Brexit vote was a "Brexit betrayal". He continued, the far reaching negative consequences for the social fabric of Britain would far out weigh the small economic cost of leaving the EU. And next week's vote would allow the country to "accept that, in a rather British way, we have made a compromise solution and moved on".
Finally, as promised, we come to Mike Ashley, self-professed saviour of the high street, who took time out from polishing his halo to address a select committee at the Houses of Parliament.
Evidently buoyed on by his philanthropic triumphs buying out ailing retail chains House of Fraser and Evan Cycles, Mr Ashley decided he was the one to help MPs rejuvenate the retail sector.
Quite the turn around for the man who showed immense reluctance to darken the door of the Commons when called there at an earlier date, to justify his actions paying his Sports Direct warehouse staff below the minimum wage.
A choice snap shot of quotes from Mr Ashley's "formal" address runs thus: "The high street is at the bottom of the swimming pool", "It requires electric shock treatment", "I'm not God", "I'm not Father Christmas", "It's not my fault".
Readers, This Reporter's not sure Mr Ashley is the right man for the job.
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