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Backstop Rhino and the Lost Engagement Ring Saga

THERE is not a journalist worth their salt who hasn't questioned Prime Minister Theresa May over whether she intends to stand down, should her Brexit plan be defeated in Parliament. And this time it was the turn of Rochelle Humes of The Saturday's fame.
On the contrary, this does not herald an era in which any old, randomated celebrity gets a turn to give Mrs May a grilling - though that may be an idea for another day - but occurred during Rochelle's stint sitting in as guest presenter on ITV's This Morning.
In response to her most terrifying questioner to date, Mrs May declared: "I will still have a job in two weeks' time."
In follow up to yesterday's (Monday's) story regarding Mrs May's potentially contemptuous reluctance to reveal the full legal connotations of Brexit, we have been made party to a fairly solid reason why.
Namely, the full legal documentation notes we could potentially be locked into the "Backstop", forever. The Backstop - on the one hand an inane piece of disposable Brexit jargon - is on the other, a reference to the mechanism which will lock us into the customs union and prevent the UK making any trade deals with countries outside the EU. Something Mrs May denies.
This Reporter would like to take this moment to thank the young rhino, resident of Edinburgh Zoo, who was kind enough to act out being locked into the Backstop through a piece of street art, in way of explanation. This involved the rhino getting her head and front leg wedged in a car tyre for several hours. She obviously realised she had gone a metaphor too far when she was unable to disentangle herself from said tyre and thus the fire brigade had to be called to free her. This Reporter trusts the UK will not be extricated from the Backdrop in quite the same manner.
In other headlines, outrage has broken out after the first female winner of the prestigious Ballon d'Or footballing award, Ada Hegerberg, was asked to twerk live on stage, by way of celebration. Ms Hegerberg, who helped Lyon to win the French title and Champions League, turned down host DJ Martin Solveig's offer with a firm "no". Solveig has since apologised.
The head of MI6, Alex Younger, is to give a sensational speech warning Russia not to underestimate Britain's espionage capabilities. Mr Younger, or "C" as he is best known, plans to announce he and his compatriots are currently working on "fourth-generation" espionage for a "new and disturbing age".
The fact this speech will be addressed to students at Mr Younger's former university St Andrew's and not a room full of the UK's arch enemies is, to put it mildly, a bit of an anti-climax.
Meanwhile, much has been made of the story of the British couple who lost their engagement ring down a subway grate in New York, only for it to be triumphantly returned to them by the NYPD months later.
A story to warm the cockles is how this is being billed. Giddy boyfriend John Drennan proposing to his girlfriend Daniella Anthony in the Big Apple, only for the ring to slip through his trembling fingers and down the grate. Lost forever they assumed, until the police launched a Twitter-wide search to track them down.
There is an undertone dear readers, that This Reporter would be negligent not to point out. John snipes: "I want to clarify that I did not propose over a grate in Times Square - that's where we lost it", making clear he actually popped the question in the more sensible location of Central Park.
Daniella retorts the ring was too big for her finger. "I tried to tell John it was too big, but he insisted I wear it," with more than a note of accusation.
Don't you just love a happy ending?

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