Skip to main content

Unlikely Lovebirds and Boris Books in Some Attention

PITY the Boris Johnson. He has barely had a shout out in the press this week amidst all the Brexit commotion. This Reporter envisions his fingers just itching to get to his typewriter keys to bosh out an extra scathing tome on proceedings, in time for The Telegraph's Sunday edition.
But what's this - joys springs eternal, as we hear that Mr Johnson has been hauled in front of Parliament to apologise for the hapless transgression, of taking "too long" to declare £53,000 in earnings from his books.
A damning report to the Commons Committee on Standards said Mr Johnson took an "over-casual attitude" to parliamentary rules and should apologise. The worst bit about this - the reminder Boris "writes" books.
Mr Johnson, basking in the spotlight, intoned the delay had been "unintentional" but offered the house a "full and unreserved apology" - and many thanks for giving him some much-needed attention.
A donkey and an emu who fell in love on an abandoned farm in South Carolina, have been given the chance to live out the rest of their days together, after being adopted by a celebrity.
Jack and Diane were in danger of being torn asunder after being saved, along with a number of other animals, from the farm in November. Until 'The Walking Dead' star Jeffrey Dean Morgan stepped in and said the pair could live together at his farm in New York, following an appeal on social media.
The animals were said to become distressed when an attempt was made to separate them - crying and pacing around - and when they were put back together they snuggled up to one another. Actor Morgan said he could already see how much the donkey and the emu were in love.
Food Banks are not photo-ops, lambasted Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn as he tried to pull Prime Minister Theresa May back to the reality of the world this week from the quagmire of Brexit. Mr Corbyn was referencing a plethora of photographs that have been circulating on social media of Tory MPs visiting their local food banks. In way of offering a supporting arm to constituents who had been plummeted into poverty, of arguably, the Government's own making.
Mr Corbyn additionally pointed out The Trussel Trust has already warned food banks face record demand this December. Mrs May in response continued to work on the basis of denial, by quoting her own choice variation on the stats - that absolute poverty was at a record low.
Following a complete inability to agree on either the format or even the station for the Brexit television debate, there won't be one this weekend. Both Mrs May and Mr Corbyn certainly put on a good show of being willing to fight out the key elements of exiting the Union in front of a Sunday night audience.
But after failing to firm up a single detail in time, both the BBC and ITV have pulled the plug on the event for them. Many have commented that the wrangles over the TV debate have played out the thwart central issues of Brexit, on the microcosm. Which raises the interesting possibility that Brexit itself could conclude with an anti-climatic plug pulling.
Feel in need of some escape, then join the queue, as the post of warden has become available on a tiny island off the Guernsey coast which comes with its own natural swimming pool. The successful applicant for the job will have the whole of Lihou to themselves, living off grid and surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean. Duties will include maintaining the 500 metre island's only house and looking after the wildlife on the nature reserve.
As always, however, there is a sting in the tail. Which comes in form of the historical knowledge Lihou was used for target practise, by occupying German soldiers, during World War Two. And the way things are going on the global stage, This Reporter's not sure she'd risk it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Government accused of Coronavirus cover-up and Veggie Corbyn booed at kebab awards

FROM the UK Government announcing it will only release Coronavirus data weekly, to vegetarian Jeremy Corbyn presenting an award for the best kebab, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Thursday 5th March 2020. The Government has been accused of withholding information about the spread of Coronavirus after a 70 per cent increase in confirmed cases prompted health chiefs to stop providing daily updates on the location of new infections. Instead they will be provided on a Friday in a weekly round-up. Thirty six new UK cases were announced yesterday (Wednesday) bringing the grand total to 87 people. A former director at Public Health England said the move to weekly updates should be reconsidered to allow the public to make informed decisions. In related news, the Government is putting in place contingency plans, should the virus outbreak become widespread, to close Parliament for up to three months to stop 650 potential "super spreaders". Which gives Th

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020. A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it. But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people&#

Meghan and Harry "grin in the rain" and the Kimono-wearing fox killer

FROM Meghan and Harry making their first appearance in the UK together since Megxit, to the kimono-wearing fox killer who appears to have been cleared of all crimes, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Friday 6th March 2020. Yes that's right, This Reporter is declaring this particular news gathering outlet a Coronavirus free zone as we kick off today's headlines with the news Meghan and Harry, otherwise known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have returned to the UK and had their photograph taken together, under an umbrella, in the rain. The couple were in town - London specifically - as they wind up their official duties before bowing out of royal life forever, with last night's paparazzi extravaganza related to their attendance at the Endeavour Film awards. With what we can only assume were fixed grins on their faces as they braved the weather, and the fact these moments under the media spotlight, were exactly what they were talking about when

This Reporter's Weekly News Journal - Nudity, Tied Votes and Floods

Monday 1st April 2019 and news-based April Fools gags are indistinguishable from regular reportage. The British are knackered having lost an hours sleep due to the clocks springing forward. None are so "knackered" however as chief government whip Julian Smith who in interview with the BBC said the current Cabinet had shown the "worst example of ill-discipline in the history of British politics" at a time when the person responsible for political discipline, is him. "I'm knackered," he reiterated. "Dealing with colleagues 24/7, sitting around the Cabinet table trying to destabilise the Prime Minister." Elsewhere, Downing Street, the aforementioned PM Theresa May wakes up from a restless night, a single platitude in her head: "oh bother", as she remembers she still hasn't delivered Brexit. Latest from the DUP runs, should Mrs May bring her deal back a thousand times (likely), they will continue to vote against it every time. Me

Mail Bombs, Ross from Friends and the Dr Marten Boots

FROM the suspected bombs sent out to Trump's critics and Ross from Friends in the frame with Blackpool police, to the resurgence of picket line favourite - the Dr Marten boot, welcome to This Reporter's daily news and style round-up. In the words of many a newspaper columnist, "the rhetoric became real" yesterday (Wednesday) as it emerged suspected explosives had been sent to a host of prominent Donald Trump critics including former President Barack Obama and Democrat presidential nominee Hilary Clinton. The "bombs" were intercepted by the US Secret Service. On the same day the CNN studios in New York were evacuated after a "live explosive device" was found in its mail room. New York police commissioner James O-Neill said the targets may have been selected due to their opposition to Trump. And Trump's constant rhetoric of violence towards his opponents - including most recently praising the "slam-dunking" of a Guardian journalist