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Theresa May's "10 Year Challenge" and Prince Philip Over-Eggs the Metaphor

"TIME is not something I acknowledge", said pop diva Mariah Carey on refusing to play ball on the "10 year challenge", posting two identical photographs of herself in a bikini taken ten seconds rather than ten years apart.
The concept of time is not something Ms Carey is afraid of. She is not freaked out by the ticking of the clock. She is simply impervious to it. It has no meaning. It does not exist. This is where the similarities between her and Theresa May, the Prime Minister, begin, and end.
Sixty-seven days to go until we Brexit. Mrs May is back after surviving yet another no confidence vote by an untriumphant, by nonetheless secure, 19 votes, and immediately launches into "cross party talks". Inviting all major party leaders to "put self-interest aside" and discuss a united way forward to break the Brexit deadlock. It is at this early point in proceedings, she comes unstuck.
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, who famously said "it's good to talk", even with people you don't agree with (Hamas etc.) proclaimed he will not meet with Mrs May. She has let him down before, he says, when she assured him there would be a meaningful vote on her deal in December, and she broke her word.
He will only talk with her, Mr Corbyn manoeuvres, if she takes no deal off the table.
Thus launches a series of letters worthy of a lovelorn Austen heroine. This Reporter will quote a passage to illustrate: "My dearest darling Jeremy, You have always believed in the importance of dialogue in politics. Do you really believe that, as well as declining to meet for talks yourself, it is right to ask your MPs not to seek a solution with the Government?
"My door remains open to meeting without preconditions so that we, as Prime Minister and leader of the opposition, can talk and see if we can begin to find a way forward for our country on Brexit. I sincerely urge you to accept. Yours forever always Theresa."
Where is former Prime Minister David Cameron whilst all this is occurring? Out running it transpires, or certainly pretending to be, when he bumped into reporters who asked him yet again: "Do you regret calling the referendum?"
"No", he replies. He does not regret calling the referendum but he regrets losing it. To the same tune an arsonist would not regret setting fire to his house, This Reporter surmises, but would express regret at losing his house.
"I'm in support of the Prime Minister", Cameron continues. "But what won't help is me giving a running commentary" - before running off. Readers, he washes his hands of the matter.
If there is one constant throughout this Brexit shambles, it's former foreign secretary Boris Johnson who postured before a JCB digger for 40 minutes spouting nonsense in what, in his head, was a leadership bid, but to all sane viewers was definitely something else.
In a country which by no stretch of the imagination has reached an irrevertible crisis, Mr Johnson was still content to fall back on his old friends pontification and conjecture, as he preached Mrs May should be going back to Brussels to demand the "backstop" be taken out of the withdrawal agreement and, while she was at it, demand the divorce bill of £39billion be cut in half. Which poses the question, in which part of Mr Johnson's mind is the reality not registering, that if it was that simple to do, Mrs May would already have done it.
The news hit This Reporter's in tray, with the grind of a bumper, that Prince Philip had been in a car crash near Sandringham. Witnesses report the 97-year-old Duke, of Edinburgh, had overturned his Land Rover after pulling out of a driveway, and straight into the path of another car.
This did not herald the demise of Philip. Indeed he was reportedly shaken but uninjured. There has, however, been much discussion that this is the time to take away his license.
But that would, dear readers, be tantamount to missing the coded message sent out to us by the Royal Family, via Philip - arguably the most disposable member - encapsulating the Windsor's thoughts on Brexit. The Queen was later heard to say: "You rather over-egged that Philip".
So there we have it. Mrs May's three-day deadline to come up with a new deal is today (Monday) and the rumour mill suggests she has made a grand total of, zero changes. This Reporter has little hope this next stage in proceedings will go swimmingly. Best cut to the chase and exchange this unfortunate chapter in our history with a timeless photo of Mrs May in a bikini.

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