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A Continental Knock and Run and "Timeless" Beige

FROM breakout filmic hits "The Great Chimp Escape" and "A Continental Knock and Run Part 436", to the surprising allure of "timeless" beige, welcome to This Reporter's weekly news and style round-up.

"Is this hell Prime Minister?" cries a heckler as Theresa May meets with Jean-Claude Juncker. Even before "that" happened, it was always going to be a tricky meeting between Mrs May and EU chiefs in Brussels, as the PM trudged fruitlessly forwards in yet another bid to get them to agree to solve the Irish Backstop problem for her. And all to allegedly appease those back at home in Government, who are getting far too much enjoyment out of egging on their weakest classmate to repeatedly "knock and run" the front door, of a renownedly fearsome neighbour. Zilch, as always, was resolved.
"Give me a little more time", pleaded Mrs May as MPs began to fret over when they would get to have their "meaningful vote" in Parliament, with rumours of resignations swirling. "This is not the time for doing anything hasty", Mrs May tried to reason. On the contrary with just 43 days to go until we Brexit, This Reporter thinks it probably is.
When the results of a poll of Labour voters was slapped down on Jeremy Corbyn's desk, revealing that backing Brexit had the potential of being more damaging to Labour's electoral fortunes than the Iraq war, how does Mr Corbyn respond? He writes to Mrs May to throw the Labour party's full weight behind her deal, provided she agree to his five amendments - including keeping in the customs union, close alignment to the single market blah blah...and most crucially, desist in eating jam with the mould scraped off it. The EU has since suggested Mr Corbyn's tweaks to the deal are the answer to breaking the Brexit impasse. Adding that all matters conserve would be deferred from now on to Mr Corbyn, the undisputed jam maker.
But what's this - a plot twist. Chief negotiator Olly Robbins has been "overheard in a bar" leaking Mrs May's Brexit strategy. A sneaky little "back my deal at the 11th hour or face Article 50 being inordinately extended and Brexit happening, potentially never" number. This is being billed as the scoop of the century, however This Reporter can't help but be suspicious, that the whole point of this "Only Fools..."-style escapade was to make it look like Mrs May has a plan.
Elsewhere the call has gone out for Transport Secretary Chris Grayling's head on a platter, or certainly his sacking from the frontbenches, as ministers became increasingly frustrated at his ineptitude. "What possibly now with the man", This Reporter hears you splutter. Wasn't it enough with the blunder over the pizza ferries - when he hired ferry company Seaborne Freight to aid with the demands of No Deal Brexit. For it to turn out that they had no ships, just a pizza delivery licence. Well as it turns out, we're back there again. Seaborne Freight the one to have pulled out of the arrangement, ironically, after losing its secret Irish backer. Leading MPs to chorus: "Mr Grayling is an embarrassment to this country". Pot, kettle, black and everything.
Fair chomping at the bit for Brexit to start is former fireplace salesman turned Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson who said the UK had its "greatest opportunity" to show off its "hard power". "To talk but fail to act risks our nation being seen as little more than a paper tiger," he continued, as he revealed plans to increase the armed forces "mass and lethality" as no doubt plotted out in his bedroom using his Action Man figures.
There has been a breakout at Belfast Zoo after the chimps busted out of their enclosure, thanks to a well placed branch blown there by the recent storm, which they used as a ladder. "The Great Chimp Escape" was captured on the smart phone of a zoo visitor which shows them one-by-one scaling the wall, before meekly returning after seeing the stern face of the zookeeper. And this isn't the only incident of animals escaping at the zoo. Last week a red panda was the one to leg it, only to be found in the garden of a neighbour. This Reporter concludes even the animals are sick of it here.
Finally, this week's style segment focuses on the trend for beige. Celebrities and fashionistas aplenty have already been spotted out and about in head-to-toe beige ensembles, and us mere-mortals are expected to follow in what, could arguably be called, their rather uninspiring footsteps.
However, if we choose to ignore the styling advice of adding a bright accessory, like a sandal or a scarf, for an "element of danger" - because that's what we need right now, a greater sense of living on the edge. There's actually something rather comforting in what online fashion retailer 'Net-a-Porter' calls beige's "timeless quality". This Reporter is opting for this Marni cashmere jumper in the hope it will literally stop the clock, or at least give us enough time to escape over the wall.

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