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Showing posts from May, 2019

Waffles, Milkshake and Goodbye Theresa May

Monday 20th May and we wake to Health Secretary Matt Hancock enduring a grilling from Good Morning Britain's presenter Piers Morgan for devouring a caramel waffle before coming live on air. "What did you have for breakfast?" Mr Morgan asks, flexing those journalistic muscles, to which Mr Hancock replies, a banana - then follows a brief pause - and a waffle. The camera shifts to earlier footage of Hancock consuming said waffle, with unmistakable relish, as Morgan asks, is this really the example you wish to set the nation, that we should all be eating calorific, fat-filled caramel waffles? Mr Hancock, realising there is no way out of this (that there's not been anything quite like this in food policing since Ed Miliband bit into a bacon sandwich) replies: "I love life, but I love my waffles".
Meanwhile, following hot-on-the-heels of the revelation insurance tycoon Aaron Banks "lavishly funded" Nigel Farage's lifestyle following the 2016 referen…

BAFTAs, Alabama, "Four Ovens" and Jeremy Kyle

FROM "Killing Eve" cleaning up at the BAFTAs and the rise of Nigel Farage's half-baked Brexit Party, to the trash found at the depths of the ocean which, according to some reports has Jeremy Kyle living under it, to "Four Ovens" MP James Brokenshire, if this week was a grossly out-dated, misogynistic trope, it would be a domestic goddess. All complaints please back date to 1957, where you'll find the Senate of Alabama mulling over their next Gilead-inspired motion. Welcome to This Reporter's Weekly News Journal.

Monday 13th May andget your glad rags on - or not (we'll get to that in a moment) - because our first stop is the BAFTAs where "Killing Eve" cleaned up on the night like any good assassin would, scooping awards for best drama series, best actress and best supporting actress. This was despite chat over whether the programme should have been included in the awards night at all. Some bother about it being screened over in America first…

Line of Duty, Baby Sussex and Jess Phillip's Rape Threats

SACKED defence secretary Gavin Williamson has mind-powered himself into an episode of "Line of Duty" this week, convinced as he is there is a No.10 smear campaign against him. But there is much more than just this for us to investigate. From MP Jess Phillip's rape threats finally getting police attention and the suspiciously joyful arrival of Baby Sussex, to the flock of sheep enrolling at school, welcome to This Reporter's Weekly News Journal.

Monday 6th May and with the bank holiday allowing no rest for the wicked, the Tories and Labour have mulled over their great losses in the local elections and concluded this means the public just want to see Brexit done. They report they have upped their efforts to find that mecca state of marvellous accord.
Superstar Madonna has proved herself not immune to the tribulations of parenthood as, in an interview to mark the release of  her 183rd studio album, she bemoaned giving her children mobile phones too young. "It ended …

Spy Whales, Woodcocks and Gavin Williamson's Sacking

TAKE your seats aboard the Corrie (roller) Coaster which, as it dips and troughs throughout the week, will deliver spectacular views of spy whales, woodcocks and Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson's sacking but only rare glimpses of our Prime Minister Theresa May, who appears to be all but missing in action. Free vegetarian Percy Pigs to those who spot her. Welcome to This Reporter's Weekly News Journal.

Monday 29th April and we commence with the news Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt is off on a grand tour of Africa. In joint hopes of boosting his leadership credentials, as well as trade links post-Brexit. Mr Hunt will be accompanied by his Chinese wife Lucia Guo for the five-day, five-nation trip, who he has described at times as "a great diplomatic weapon for the UK", but at other times as Japanese (check out Mr Hunt's gaffe file, circa July 2018).
Labour has spittooned former Tory cabinet minister Damian Green's plans for a shake-up of social care funding as a…