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Showing posts from October, 2019

Boris Johnson sparkles up the Strictly staircase and Joe Lycett saves a Danish lighthouse

COMEDIAN Joe Lycett is suing the BBC's Strictly Come Dancing after coming a cropper on it's famous staircase. Mr Lycett, 31, posted to his infinite followers on Twitter a video depicting the moment when he was sauntering jovially up the stairs to what This Reporter believes to have been dubbed the "Clauditorium", to make a guest appearance on the popular "terms and conditions" section of the Saturday night dance contest. Only to trip on one of the steps and fall flat on his face, crushing his pink sequined jacket. Mr Lycett picked himself up and carried on with the show, ever the seasoned professional, but swung straight onto social media after his segment declaring; "see you in court" @bbcstrictly. There is a distinct possibility, of course, that when Mr Lycett typed out the words "see you in court" he may have been pulling Strictly's plonker. All in all, this news story could be dismissed as fantasy, make-believe, a classic case

Pizza Express and Boris Johnson's 99 problems, but the ditch ain't one

THE MAJOR talking point of the week has been whether Pizza Express is set to go down the swanny. The pizza restaurant chain known, according to This Reporter's private lexicon, as "posh Pizza Hut" revealed it is currently battling £1.1billion worth of debt, which equates to a mammoth £1.6million per restaurant, and in turn, a heck of a lot of dough balls. The plight of Pizza Express follows on from the news of Thomas Cook going under in the last few weeks and historically matches the tales of woe experienced by high street stalwarts BHS and Woolworths, which are alas no more but, especially in the case of Woolworths, still much bereaved. Where else, This Reporter ponders could you buy a pick 'n' mix, a cassette tape of Ant and Dec's "Let's Get Ready to Rumble" and a toilet brush in one fell swoop? Which leads to a serious piece of social commentary, which This Reporter has been keeping under her hat to be revealed at an appropriate time - deem

"Hold my (disposable) coffee cup, let's Get Brexit Done" and don't forget the taser

TAKEAWAYS from this year's Tory conference include quite extraordinary scenes involving a disposable coffee cup, the Prime Minister and two of his aides, and all conveniently on #InternationalCoffeeDay. The scene as depicted via a Sky camera person's rolling footage captures the moment one of the two aides flanking Boris Johnson, as he ambles with great importance along a conference corridor, hands the PM a cup of coffee. Only for a moment later, aide number two to be seen snatching the coffee cup out of Mr Johnson's hand and muttering, sotto voce, "no disposable cups". What is to be noted about this exchange, which commentators have reported worthy of a sketch in "The Thick of It" but This Reporter would like to compare, rather more loosely, to The Chuckle Brothers of  "to me, to you" fame, is the outlandish belief that following a litany of gaffs, nay, a veritable comedy of errors no less, littering his political career to date, it is Mr Jo

Boris Johnson groping up the Matterhorn with pine martens and Naga Munchetty

In news headlined "Diddums to Boris", the Conservative conference in Manchester has been "overshadowed" by allegations the Prime Minister groped the inner thigh of a journalist at a dinner in 1999. Charlotte Edwardes, now a columnist at the Sunday Times but then a junior journalist, broke the story of alleged sexual harassment, very much at the hands of Boris Johnson, in a column at the weekend. Thus ushered forth a plethora of MPs, certain beyond all possible mis-placed doubt, that Johnson was innocent of this not at all-to-type, accusation. Nicky Morgan, the culture secretary and perhaps most significantly, former minister for women, said there is "no truth in these allegations". Housing Minister Esther McVey, alluding to time travel, suggested journalists needed to go back and check it really happened. Whilst Sajid Javid, the chancellor, was rock solid saying: "The prime minister has said that this is completely untrue and I have full faith in