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Boris Johnson groping up the Matterhorn with pine martens and Naga Munchetty

In news headlined "Diddums to Boris", the Conservative conference in Manchester has been "overshadowed" by allegations the Prime Minister groped the inner thigh of a journalist at a dinner in 1999.
Charlotte Edwardes, now a columnist at the Sunday Times but then a junior journalist, broke the story of alleged sexual harassment, very much at the hands of Boris Johnson, in a column at the weekend.
Thus ushered forth a plethora of MPs, certain beyond all possible mis-placed doubt, that Johnson was innocent of this not at all-to-type, accusation.
Nicky Morgan, the culture secretary and perhaps most significantly, former minister for women, said there is "no truth in these allegations". Housing Minister Esther McVey, alluding to time travel, suggested journalists needed to go back and check it really happened.
Whilst Sajid Javid, the chancellor, was rock solid saying: "The prime minister has said that this is completely untrue and I have full faith in the prime minister. I don't doubt what he has said for a second".
This Reporter is mindful of maintaining an impartial position (reference point - Naga Munchetty) but is quite bowled over by Johnson's colleagues certainty. Considering both Mr Johnson's previous track record of dalliances outside of marriage and the fact it is only in recent years men, to their chagrin, have been told they cannot grab hold of a woman's body part for fun, This Reporter would have thought there would be at least a glimmer of doubt.
Which leads us to the big man himself, Mr Johnson and what he has to say on the matter. In his usual spirit of weaving and diving, he used the opening days of the Tory conference to sidestep the issue with various blindsiding comments, which equated to the political equivalent, of "oh look there's a squirrel".
When finally pinned down to admit or deny whether he was guilty of said sexual harassment he gave a resounding "no", followed by what we can only concede as a public service to us good people, telling us we didn't want to hear about any of that, but actually what we wanted to know about was something else, to wit: "what we are doing to level up and unite the country".
To erase all doubt that those who speak out against Mr Johnson should be ashamed of themselves, here we have Toby Young, a former colleague of Johnson during his time at the Spectator and no stranger to controversy himself, saying "people complained if Boris didn't put his hand on their knee during lunch" and so there we very much have it.
BBC Breakfast presenter Naga Munchetty - as alluded to a smattering of times above - who was formally rebuked by the BBC last week for breaching editorial guidelines, has had the allegation quashed. Ms Munchetty incited the wrath of a single viewer when she called American President Donald Trump a racist for his comments to female Democrats that they should "go back" to their countries. However, Tony Hall, head of the BBC, stepped in on Monday saying her words did not merit a complaint being upheld against her.
The BBC faced a massive public backlash following its initial reprimand of Ms Munchetty with the likes of Sir Lenny Henry, Krichnan Guru-Murthy and Jeremy Corbyn among those who demanded it be reversed.
Mr Johnson was also asked what his thoughts were on the allegations to which he responded he had never heard of Naga Munchetty and it was the first he had heard about the racism furore despite it dominating the news last week. If taken as red that he has "never heard of her" doesn't it rather question our prime minister's grip on current affairs, to which you would have imagined, job-wise, he would have a fleeting interest?
Though This Reporter would be so bold as to suggest (citing the Naga Munchetty amendment) that Mr Johnson is fully aware of who Naga Munchetty is and this is yet another way he likes to belittle women. Denying their very existence, groping their thigh. It's all the same to him (Naga Munchetty).
In other news Theresa May, a former Prime Minister during what would now be considered a golden time for this country, has shirked off any suggestions she will use her foreseeable long-stretch of down time to pen her memoirs. She was questioned about possible book writing at the Henley Literary Festival and answered that she would much rather write an "Alpine whodunnit". Or more specifically, the story of British mountaineer Edward Whymper who embarked an ascent of the Matterhorn in the 19th Century, only for four of his climbing party to fall to their doom.
Mrs May, interviewed by Olympic rower Katherine Granger (as you do) said it was this story that appealed to her more than her own. In particular the mystery around the climbing rope that they used and why it broke, potentially leading to one climber falling, and dragging the other three with him to certain death. Mrs May says she isn't up for the business of writing her own memoir. Enough symbolism and metaphor there to safely say, oh yes she is.
Elsewhere, the Forest of Dean, to be exact, 18 pine martens have been released in a bid to tackle the over exuberant and down right disease-ridden grey squirrel population. The pine marten, which was as is the way with most decent, law-abiding mammals, hunted to near extinction, is currently being held in a remote and isolated part of the forest. The hope is they will spread out eventually and meet up with their pine marten friends on the Welsh border but don't expect to spot them any time soon in the forest, said an official wildlife spokesperson, as they are incredibly timid. Another extract it seems, from political memoir.

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