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A&E targets to be scrapped and the Brexit Celebration party

FROM government plans to scrap A&E targets, to Nigel Farage's for a Brexit Celebration party, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Thursday 16th January 2020.

Plans to scrap the four-hour A&E waiting target have sparked a furious backlash from medical staff, as well as anyone with half a brain. Government ministers led by Health Secretary Matt Hancock have revealed proposals, which would see patients treated in a, widely up-for-interpretation, "clinically appropriate" manner, rather than sticking to the current targets that aim to see 95 per cent of people arriving at A&E in England, treated within four hours.
The plans follow the revelation in recent days that hospitals across the country fell woefully under the specified target over the festive period, to 63 per cent. So the question we have to ask ourselves when we get down to the brass tacks of the matter is, do we really believe the new proposals are in the "best interests of the patient" or the logistical equivalent of the government's health department putting the save face, crash mat underneath them, ahead of imminent disaster?
US President Donald Trump appears to have gone completely off his rocker ahead of his impeachment trial kicking off officially, in the early days of next week. That is, if comments made to the crowd at a Milwaukee campaign trial were anything to go by. Despite the huge pressures the US is currently facing - the mind springing immediately to Iran - Trump promised "dishes will be beautiful" under his presidency.
"Sinks, toilets and showers - you don't get any water", he ranted. "Remember the dishwasher? You'd press it, boom! There'd be, like, an explosion. Five minutes later you open it up, the steam pours out." "Anyone have a new dishwasher?" he asked. "I'm sorry for that", he responded.
As point of explainer, if any explainer can be given, to this, Trump was referring to the Department of Energy's tightening of energy efficiency standards, which have led to built in water usage limits on new appliances.
Talking of which, Keith Vas is back. The former Labour MP of washing machine fame who was meted the longest ever ban from Parliament back in 2016 for offering to buy cocaine for male sex workers, while posing as an industrial washing machine salesman called Jim.
The very same Mr Vas has been voted in as chair of his constituency party in Leicester with rumours, he hopes to stand again as MP at the next election and this is simply his way back in.
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have been hailed by many a red top newspaper for doing a sterling job of putting a brave face on it, getting back out and performing their royal duties following the earth-shattering news Harry and Meghan are upping sticks to Canada.
Kate in particular was given praise for "dazzling" at a curry house in Bradford, where she and William were tasked with making milkshakes, with the implicit suggestion that no one else -  and here This  Reporter heavily suggests we fill in the name Meghan - could grin and clasp a glass of undrunk milkshake with quite the same sense of grace and aplomb.
And finally, former milkshake model Nigel Farage is in full self-congratulatory manner as he revealed there will be a Brexit party in London's Parliament Square on Brexit Day (31st January). The "Brexit Celebration" event, organised by Leave Means Leave, is due to take place between 9pm and 11.15pm to count down to the fateful hour when the UK leaves the EU after 47 years of membership.
Long-time Brexit enthusiast Mr Farage said it was "a big moment in the history of this nation to celebrate" and may somewhat soften the blow "about the clock". Though as to that, Mr Farage is as calculating as ever, saying if Big Ben did not chime at 11pm on 31st January "our country is going to look like a joke".

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