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China's deadly Coronavirus to wipe out the Universe and all aboard the Cruise Ship Lords

FROM China's deadly coronavirus set to (potentially) wipe out the lot of us, to a water-bound solution to the House of Lords, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Tuesday 21st January 2020.

Four people have now died in China from a new SARs-like virus, which health bods have just confirmed can be passed from person-to person. And as the country prepares for millions of tourists to travel there for its lunar new year celebrations, This Reporter goes where no expert has as yet gone before her with the warning, this could be the one that wipes out the lot of us.
The coronavirus has rapidly been spreading across the country with more than 200 cases now reported across major cities including Beijing and Shanghai, whilst in Australia, a man is currently in quarantine with suspected symptoms, after travelling back from China.
The virus, is a new strain of coronavirus not previously identified in humans and is thought to have originated from infected animals at a seafood and wildlife market in Wuhan. Signs of infection include respiratory symptoms, fever, cough, shortness of breath and breathing difficulties.
Of course should this amount to the world health crisis This Reporter is predicting, what follows next becomes irrelevant, but let's "carry on" oblivious, for now.
Convicted terrorists are to face lie-detector tests under a raft of measures drawn up in the wake of the most recent London bridge attack, to toughen up the monitoring of offenders in the community.
There has been much comment that convicted terrorist Usman Khan, who murdered two people in Fighmongers' Hall, shouldn't have been released out amongst us. Other measures will include doubling the number of counter-terrorism specialist probation officers who will instill closer monitoring and reporting requirements including the polygraph tests, which This Reporter sees going something like this: to the suspected terrorist: "Are you planning to commit an act of terrorism?"
The (suspected) terrorist replies: "No". "Jolly good, you're free to go".
Next up we have a brand new category of news-telling subtitled "is this a work of genius or do these people have too much spare time?" as we drop in on two total strangers -  one from Auckland, the other from Spain, who thanks to the connecting power of the internet made an "earth sandwich" with two slices of white bread.
Etienne Naude, 19 and a student at Auckland University, placed his slice of bread on the ground at Bucklands Beach using longitude and latitude to ensure he was precisely opposite a volunteer he had found in the south of Spain - albeit with 12,724km of earth between them - after posting for help on Reddit.
Naude explained they used Google Maps to find the exact location, adding: "It's amazing that we've actually been able to collaborate and do something like this at exact opposite points of the globe."
His Spanish counterpart appears to be nameless whether from remiss reporting, or the shame.
And finally, it is with great delight This Reporter can report the rumbling row over how to make the unelected House of Lords less London-centric has been cracked. Unimpressed at yesterday's (Monday's) suggestion that the House of Lords should be moved to York, a quick brainstorming session amongst the Lords, with the utmost gravity and not a modicum of jocularity, has come up with the perfect solution.
A big thanks to Alan West, a retired Royal Navy admiral, who proposed the government use a cruise ship for peers to tour the country in and will no doubt personally set to work briefing his lordly chums on all aspects of sea-faring, from sea sickness preventatives to how to man the rigging.

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