Skip to main content

Iran Strikes Back and Stormzy's Slippers

FROM Iran striking back by launching missiles at US bases to Stormzy's slipper slip-up live on the BBC, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Wednesday 8th January 2020.

Iran has launched more than a dozen missiles at Iraqi bases hosting US troops, in retaliation for the killing last week of top general Qassem Suleimani. Al-Asad air base in Iraq's Anbar province and at least one other base in the northern city of Erbil were targeted in the early hours of Wednesday morning. US President Donald Trump tweeted in the immediate aftermath that "All is well!" and "so far so good" at the news there appears to have been no casualties.
War Watch 3 descends into murk here, as it is not clear whether the incident of an Ukraine passenger plane, which crashed killing all 176 people on board just minutes after take off this morning, is somehow connected to Iran's vengeance. Though the most probable cause so far appears to be engine failure.
Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab has condemned the "dangerous and reckless" missile attacks, urging Iran not to repeat them. British warships, helicopters and hundreds of military personnel have been put on standby for 48 hours for deployment to Iraq should the Iran crisis escalate.
Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been conspicuous for his absence in the House of Commons since his return from his Christmas holiday in the Caribbean, despite the scent of war in the air, with Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn accusing him of hiding behind his ministers.
Also missing in action over the festive period was the predicted "Boris bounce", which promised to give a boost to the economy following the election of a Tory government just weeks before Christmas.
Falling victim to consumer caution were the big four supermarkets Morrisons, Tesco, Sainsbury's and ASDA, who all reported the slowest Christmas sales growth in at least four years, with evidence many customers cut back on traditional festive classics.
Sales of Christmas puddings were down by 16 per cent, seasonal biscuits were 11 per cent lower and turkey sales fell by one per cent. This Reporter speculates the 'joy de vivre' we were all, allegedly, experiencing at Johnson retaining his Prime Ministership was not as wide-spread as we were led to think.
The bushfires in Australia have sparked a global crafting effort as thousands of volunteers united to knit, crochet and sew shelters for animals affected by the devastation.
Millions of hectares of land have been burned in the bushfires in the last few weeks, killing an estimated one billion animals and many creatures have been orphaned or left without homes. Hand-stitched pouches have been donated to young marsupials including kangaroos, wombats and possums who require them to grow, whilst mittens have been knitted for koalas with burnt paws.
And finally, rapper Stormzy accidentally forgot to change out of his slippers before he got into a taxi to head to BBC Breakfast for a serious interview about racism in the UK.
"I forgot, I'm an idiot!" he told hosts Dan Walker and Louise Minchin. "I did a signing in Bristol...then I got in the car. I was like, 'ah damn, I ain't got my trainers'".
Twitter went into a "veritable frenzy" following the slip-up, with one tweeter commenting Stormzy had proved "what every middle-aged white man has known for years, slippers are cool".

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

All aboard the pizza ferry, headed for absolutely nowhere new

THIS Reporter wishes to express her fathomless thanks to the Westminster crew, none of whom decided to take upon themselves the tired old trope of making new year's resolutions - on off chance a better version of themselves existed - and instead continue in the exact same farcical way they blundered through 2018. Because despite the fact ministers had, in theory, laid their dispatch boxes on beds of tinsel for the duration of Christmastide, there is still much for us to catch up with. First, but by no means foremost, Sajid Javid, Home Secretary - who it has reached This Reporter via the rumour mill likes to call himself "The Saj" - perhaps short for Sergeant but more likely, Sajid - cut short his luxury £1,000-plus a night safari festive break in South Africa to rush back and deal with what he coined a "migrant crisis" but in reality was two brave souls casting out across the Channel in a rubber dinghy. Nevertheless, Javid called for immediate clampdown on th

Meghan and Harry "grin in the rain" and the Kimono-wearing fox killer

FROM Meghan and Harry making their first appearance in the UK together since Megxit, to the kimono-wearing fox killer who appears to have been cleared of all crimes, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Friday 6th March 2020. Yes that's right, This Reporter is declaring this particular news gathering outlet a Coronavirus free zone as we kick off today's headlines with the news Meghan and Harry, otherwise known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have returned to the UK and had their photograph taken together, under an umbrella, in the rain. The couple were in town - London specifically - as they wind up their official duties before bowing out of royal life forever, with last night's paparazzi extravaganza related to their attendance at the Endeavour Film awards. With what we can only assume were fixed grins on their faces as they braved the weather, and the fact these moments under the media spotlight, were exactly what they were talking about when

Life is a Brexit Waltzer - You Just Gotta Ride It?

WHEN it comes to rip-offs we are being urged this week to look no further than Prada's white cotton T-shirt, retailing for £270. This Reporter states this does rather, in her opinion, overlook a more glaring and ever present rip-off in our lives, which we will look at more thoroughly in due course. But back to the T-shirt, and words have been voiced over why any right thinking human would purchase the extortionately priced Prada T-shirt when there are all manner of identical alternatives available on the high street? "You get what you pay for" is the mantra from fashion disciples. However, in that case surely we can expect no less than the whole cast of Enid Blyton's magical Faraway Tree involved in the workmanship, weaving well-being and fortitude into every seam. The perfect antidote to the sweatshop. But then we are told over at Primark you can buy a pair of socks and come away with a free human bone. Admittedly that wasn't the original Primark marketing str

Rudd's resignation, Trump's visit and Kat Von D's indestructible eyeliner

You better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout. I'm telling you why. Donald Trump is coming to town. More about that later. First, some serious news. (This reporter puts on her most sensible of news reading glasses). The Guardian reports today (Monday) that Amber Rudd has "dramatically" resigned as home secretary after "repeatedly struggling to account for her role in the unjust treatment of Windrush generation migrants." The documenter of our times continues: "The home secretary was forced to step down after a series of revelations in the Guardian over Windrush culminated in a leak on Friday that appeared to show she was aware of targets for removing illegal migrants from Britain. "The pressure increased late on Sunday afternoon as the Guardian revealed that in a leaked 2017 letter to Theresa May, Rudd had told the Prime Minister of her intention to increase deportations by 10 per cent - seemingly at odds with her recent denials that

BAFTAs, Alabama, "Four Ovens" and Jeremy Kyle

FROM "Killing Eve" cleaning up at the BAFTAs and the rise of Nigel Farage's half-baked Brexit Party, to the trash found at the depths of the ocean which, according to some reports has Jeremy Kyle living under it, to "Four Ovens" MP James Brokenshire, if this week was a grossly out-dated, misogynistic trope, it would be a domestic goddess. All complaints please back date to 1957, where you'll find the Senate of Alabama mulling over their next Gilead-inspired motion. Welcome to This Reporter's Weekly News Journal. Monday 13th May and   get your glad rags on - or not (we'll get to that in a moment) - because our first stop is the BAFTAs where "Killing Eve" cleaned up on the night like any good assassin would, scooping awards for best drama series, best actress and best supporting actress. This was despite chat over whether the programme should have been included in the awards night at all. Some bother about it being screened over in America