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The £500,000 Big Ben Brexit Ding Dong and Udder Chaos on the Rails

FROM Big Ben's Brexit ding dong escalating to the tune of £500,000, to the cow who caused "udder chaos" on the railway lines, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Wednesday 15th January 2020.

The Brexit Big Ben bong story has ratcheted up the rankings from irreverent news filler to front page fodder, due to Prime Minister Boris Johnson wading in during his BBC Breakfast interview yesterday and hedonistically pronouncing, let's crowd fund for the £500,000 required to do it and call it "bung a bob for a Big Ben bong".
To recap just a moment, Brexiteers had felt all but ignored in Parliament when they previously broached the subject of Big Ben, currently undergoing a lengthy refurbishment, chiming at 11pm on Brexit Day (31st January) to mark the inauspicious occasion.
MP Mark Francois had been left particularly incensed at the overall vibe in the Commons being, Brexit Day was not such a worthy occasion and the cost to strike the bell far too prohibitive, leaving him bombastically proclaiming, he would go up there and hit it himself with a hammer.
Our PM effectively declared to Mr Francois yesterday, no need, stand down, we'll get the general public to pay for it. It's but a mere half a million pound.
It was perhaps the Daily Express which captured the feeling most accurately (not a sentence said ever so often) when it ran the front page splash this morning reading: "We're in the middle of a climate emergency, Australia is literally on f**king fire, there's thousands of people sleeping rough on the streets, food bank use is skyrocketing and you want to spend half a million pounds to ring a f**king bell? Are you out of your f**king minds?"
Whilst we are on the subject of Mr Johnson's BBC Breakfast interview, This Reporter would like to draw your attention to what the PM had to say about veganism. To quote: "I had thought of it but it requires so much concentration. I take my hat off to vegans who can handle it. You can't eat cheese, can you, if you're a vegan? I mean that's just a crime against cheese lovers". Readers, we can conclude the future of our planet is safe with him.
In similar vein, climate change enthusiasts have hit out at the government's bailing out of domestic airline Flybe with taxpayers money, after it hit the skids at the weekend. A rescue package has included the deferral of Air Passenger Duty (ADP) payments - essentially making flights cheaper - amounting to more than £100million, in return for the airline's major shareholders injecting tens of millions in new funds.
Greenpeace UK policy director Dr Doug Parr demanded APD remained, continuing: "The government cannot claim to be a global leader on tackling the climate emergency one day, then making the most carbon-intensive kind of travel cheaper the next".
And finally, a Highland cow caused utter chaos during rush hour around Glasgow after it escaped from a nearby field and parked itself in the middle of a train track. ScotRail announced to commuters via Twitter yesterday morning that there was a disruption on the rails, as railway staff tried to entice the heifer off the track using a bucket of food.
Some disgruntled passengers failed to see the funny side of it, complaining that the "awful service" had caused them to miss appointments and exams, as if the train company itself had plonked the cow there, on the train track, and ordered it to not "moo-ve".

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