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UK crosses the "Brexit finish line" and Raining Iguanas

FROM the Brexit Withdrawal Bill being passed into law, to it's raining iguanas over in Florida, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Thursday 23rd January 2020.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson insists the UK can put "years of rancour and division behind it" after Parliament passed legislation implementing the Brexit deal. The EU Withdrawal Bill is now awaiting royal assent, as Mr Johnson seized the opportunity to declare the country had "crossed the Brexit finish line". The EU's top officials are expected to sign the agreement in the coming days and then it's full speed ahead to Brexit Day (31st January).
In the interests of impartiality This Reporter intends to give two polar - yet she assures - equally valid reactions. Pray silence for the sound of impending doom approaching and huzzah and up yours. Let's go and f**king smash Big Ben with a hammer.
"Hello Prince Charles". "Hello Greta Thunberg". Yes, Prince Charles and teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg met at the World Economic Forum in Davos yesterday (Wednesday) and found they have much in common, as Charles took to the podium to deliver a speech with sustainability as its theme.
He said his sons and his grandchildren were in his mind as he called for 2020 to be the "year that we put ourselves on the right track" and for the private sector to "lead the world out of the approaching catastrophe into which we have engineered ourselves".
Adding: "Just think for a moment, what good is the extra wealth in the world gained from business as usual if you can do nothing with it except watch it burn in catastrophic conditions".
We head over live to Wuhan in China where we witness scenes of panic as the city is put in lockdown to try and prevent the spread of deadly Coronavirus. Over 600 people have now become infected with the SARs-like virus worldwide, with 25 people dying. Residents living in the city, believed to be the epicentre of the virus, report all transport links have been suspended, supermarket shelves are empty, petrol stations are overwhelmed as drivers stock up on fuel (in event, presumably, of a chance to leg it) and pharmacies have sold out of face masks.
Residents posted photos of their stockpiled supplies of instant noodles and snacks on social media with comments including: "No more going out...so I won't get sick".
A local primary school teacher however, told the media: "This is a little too late now. The government's measures are not enough".
A 3.0-magnitude earthquake has been measured near Stockton-on-Tees, Teeside with residents reporting being woken by the tremor at 6am this morning (Thursday).
One resident described the earthquake to the British Geological Survey thus: "I felt my entire room move and I have never felt anything like that in my life. I thought I was losing my mind, I felt a very distinct movement I have never experienced before". No comment. The greatest earthquake the UK has witnessed was in Dogger in 1931.
And finally, iguanas have been raining down from the skies in Florida. Or to be a little more factually accurate - or This Reporter will certainly try - residents were warned of possible "falling iguanas" in light of unseasonably low temperatures. And on waking up in the morning they were indeed treated to the sight of rigid iguanas, which had fallen from the trees.
Despite looking dead, wildlife bods assure they are actually just too cold to move as they are susceptible to freezing once temperatures drop to around 4.5C and will lie there dreaming of spring until the sun shines again.
As the hip say, "Mood!"

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