Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from February, 2020

Part-timer Boris Johnson and IKEA, home to (flat packed) stray dogs

FROM Prime Minister Boris Johnson accused of being a "part-timer", to IKEA Italy taking in stray dogs, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Thursday 27th February 2020.

Boris Johnson has been accused of being a "part-time" prime minister by outgoing Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn (not a reference, you understand, to Corbyn's sociability but to the fact his time is nearly up). Chief amongst Mr Corbyn's complaints is Mr Johnson's poor response to the UK flooding.
Corbyn argued Mr Johnson had had his "head in the sand" while parts of the UK remained underwater, during Prime Minister's Questions yesterday (Wednesday). He pointed out that whilst Mr Johnson had been eager to visit flooded areas during last year's election campaign, he had failed to visit areas affected by Storms Ciara and Dennis.
In his defence, the PM responded that the Government had been "investing massively" in flood defences and he had been kept updated…

Channel 4's Jon Snow in Coronavirus self-isolation and MP pulls his trousers down

FROM news broadcaster Jon Snow self-isolating amid Coronavirus, to the MP who pulled his trousers down in a pub, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Wednesday 26th February 2020.

Channel 4 news broadcaster Jon Snow has entered self-isolation amid the worldwide Coronavirus scare, it is reported, following his return from working in Iran.
Mr Snow, his producer and his cameraman were in the country to cover the Iran elections, and are following Department of Health guidelines to self-isolate following their return to the UK on Monday (24th February).
During a video call with colleagues, Mr Snow explained none of his team were currently showing any symptoms of COVID-19, and they had not been anywhere near where the main virus outbreak has occurred, but nevertheless were following recommendations not to go anywhere where there may be people and so he was sitting in his flat for 14 days.
Elsewhere UK school pupils and teachers from a dozen schools, who had been on a skiing trip t…

Harvey Weinstein found guilty of sex crimes and storm in a Yorkshire tea cup

FROM film mogul Harvey Weinstein finally getting his comeuppance, to backlash after the new Chancellor posed with Yorkshire Tea, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Tuesday 25th February 2020, sprinkled with sugar and squirted with lemon.

Film mogul Harvey Weinstein, whose alleged predatory behaviour sparked the #MeToo movement, has been convicted of two sex crimes and could face 25 years in prison - with further prosecutions to come.
Mr Weinstein stood trial in New York on five charges and was convicted of two yesterday (Monday) - third degree rape for an attack in a New York hotel and a criminal sex act for forcing oral sex on a former television production assistant.
Following the verdict, Weinstein's many accusers spoke of their sense of vindication. Hollyoaks star Lysette Anthony who is bringing her own case against Weinstein, after alleging he raped her at her London home in the 80s, said: "This is a momentous day and this is the day that hiding behind viciou…

Holidaymakers marooned in a sandstorm and the UK public loses its Eurovision vote

FROM the British tourists stranded in the Canary Islands thanks to a Sahara sandstorm, to the public banned from voting for the UK entry to Eurovision, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Monday 24th February 2020.

Holidaymakers have been left stranded at airports in the Canary Islands after a Sahara sandstorm left the destination coated with dust, and reduced visibility for flying.
Flights from locations including Gran Canaria and Lanzarote were grounded due to the weather conditions leaving passengers forced to sit, and even sleep, on the dirty airport floors.
Holidayers complained about poor customer service when it came to receiving information on flights and organising temporary accommodation, with the general feeling amongst the British being, it was an absolute outrage they were having to extend their holiday by several days.
As reward posters go up on lampposts for the immediate return of commonsense, it has been revealed that despite the recent storms battering the…

The 101-year-old told to get ID from his parents and Tate Modern's peeping toms

FROM the major Home Office blunder that sent a 101-year-old away to get identification from his parents, to the saga of the "intrusive" viewing platform at Tate Modern, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Thursday 13th February 2020.

A 101-year-old Italian man who has lived in London since 1966 was asked by the Home Office to get his parents to confirm his identity after he applied to stay in the country post-Brexit.
In what appears to be a major computer glitch, the Home Office thought Giovanni Palmiero was a one-year-old child and therefore required the presence of his mother and father when he made his application for the EU settlement scheme.
The computer appears to have misinterpreted his birth year as 2019 instead of 1919 but despite pressing evidence to the contrary, it took several calls to the Home Office over several hours to sort the problem out.
Mr Palmiero's son told the press: "It's like a humiliation, you've been here so long and th…

Boris Johnson gives HS2 the go-ahead and a badger falls through Superdrug's ceiling

FROM Boris Johnson giving the green light to the highly contentious HS2 rail project, to the badger who fell through the ceiling of Superdrug, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Wednesday 12th February 2020.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson gave the go-ahead to HS2 yesterday (Tuesday) in the face of high feeling, saying it was essential as the "spine" of a new transport network to address what he termed "the great musculoskeletal problem of UK transport".
He continued, a further £5billion was to be spent over the next five years on bus and cycling infrastructure, on top of the billion pound squared to infinity price tag the high speed line will cost once it finally reaches completion.
Mr Johnson said the track could start to be laid as soon as April, further rambling the government was paving the way for a future "where high-speed trains glide through our great cities, where electric buses convey us cleanly around our towns, where self-driving cars roa…

Boris Bridge: The Rehash and War Paint make-up for men

FROM Boris Johnson's bridge plan resurrected from the ashes of lunacy, to the first make-up range for men hitting the shelves in - let's consult the calendar, 2020 - This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Tuesday 11th February.

The Government is once again looking at Boris Johnson's idea of a road bridge linking Scotland and Northern Ireland, despite it already being dismissed out of hand two years ago by engineers and, to quote the media, "criticism of the prime minister's mixed record on delivering bridges".
This Reporter notes that Mr Johnson appears to be using his clout as Prime Minister to achieve what he could not as London mayor to make "Boris Bridge" a reality, no matter where Boris Bridge eventually is or on what shadows of reality it is actually pinioned.
This latest reincarnation would encompass an expanse of 20 miles of road way from the UK mainland to Larne in Northern Ireland across waters 300 metres deep in places. As London …

Storm Ciara the Trampoline Tumbler and Trump's tan line is "fake news"

FROM weekend super storm Ciara posing danger to life, and trampolines, to Donald Trump's tan line declared "fake news", This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Monday 10th February 2020.

"Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas any more". Storm Ciara has wreaked a path of devastation across the UK over the weekend with hurricane-force winds and flooding posing danger to life, knocking out the power, crushing buildings and most poignantly of all, tumbling trampolines.
According to the weather report, the upheaval, of quite literal proportions, is due to last through the first half of this week with the possibility of snow. A forecast This Reporter suggests, for the few and not the many.
Snippets of the weekend destruction include Amanda Owen, a shepherd who lives in Swaledale on one of the highest and remote hill farms in England, posting footage that showed a livestock trailer being swept five miles downstream by what she described as a "floo…

TV Presenter Phillip Schofield announces he is gay and a fox runs amok in Parliament

FROM TV presenter Phillip Schofield announcing he is gay, to the fox who ran amok through the Houses of Parliament, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Friday 7th February 2020.
Phillip Schofield, the co-presenter of ITV's This Morning programme but who leapt to fame in the broom cupboard, has come out as gay. In a statement released on This Morning's Twitter account, the presenter, who has been married to his wife for almost 27 years, paid tribute to his family. He said: "With the strength and support of my wife and my daughters, I have been coming to terms with the fact that I am gay". He wrote about his "inner conflict" but at the same time talked of  "a world that has changed so much for the better." He added: “Every day on This Morning, I sit in awe of those who have been brave and open in confronting their truth - so now it's my turn to share mine". Schofield married Stephanie Lowe in 1993 and they have two adult daughters, Mo…

Trump Survives Impeachment Trial and Katy Perry Serenades Charles' Marrow

FROM President Donald Trump getting off scot free after impeachment, to pop star Katy Perry with her eyes set on Prince Charles' marrow, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Thursday 6th February 2020.

US President Donald Trump has been acquitted on both articles of impeachment put before him during a senate trial and so will not be removed from office.
The senators, as anticipated from the outset, largely voted along party lines to find Trump not guilty of abuse of power or obstruction of congress. A two-thirds majority of 67 senators would have been required to remove him, therefore involving a significant number of Republicans delivering Trump a guilty verdict.
As it stood, Mitt Romney was the only Republican to vote in favour of convicting Trump.
Democrat Tammy Baldwin said: "This is not an exoneration of Donald Trump. It is a failure to show moral courage and hold this President accountable". This Reporter would like to add, the verdict may have been less …

The Prime Minister's Climate Shenanigans and Cameron's bodyguard leaves his gun in the toilet

FROM Boris Johnson pledging to "crack" the climate crisis but not without the usual bloopers, to David Cameron's bodyguard leaving his loaded gun and a couple of passports in the toilet of a plane, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Wednesday 5th February 2020.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson set out his climate crisis "vision" ahead of the UK hosting COP 26 in Glasgow in November, which will see leaders from around the globe gather for crunch talks on the future health of the planet.
And Mr Johnson was bold in his assertion that under the UK's presidency the summit was sure to "crack it", with Britain's own pledge including to bring forward the phaseout of diesel and petrol vehicles by five years to 2035 and to switch to a net zero economy by 2050.
He said: "Let's make this year the moment when we come together with the courage and the technological ambition to solve manmade climate change and to choose a cleaner and greener…

The PM's bonzer trade deal and the Coronavirus birthday surprise

FROM Boris Johnson's bonza trade deal - just don't expect to grill him, to a wife's birthday surprise whilst quarantined for Coronovirus in the Wirral, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Tuesday 4th February 2020.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has boasted of his big hopes for securing a bonanza of a trade deal for the UK post-Brexit, whilst adamant he was unprepared to accept any sort of alignment with Brussels to get there.
Speaking in Greenwich, he pledged to use the UK's "newly recaptured powers" after Brexit to head "out into the world", with his sights set on a Canada-style trade deal with no tariffs, or even an "Australian-style" relationship with the EU, which - perplexedly - does involve tariffs, rather than accept any alignment with Brussels' regulations or oversight by European courts.
One word which was poignantly absent from Mr Johnson's diatribe was "Brexit", which he claimed was "now in the p…

Streatham Terror Attack and the World's Worst Cat

FROM a terrorist attack on Streatham High Road to the "world's worst cat" finding a home, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Monday 3rd February 2020.

A man was shot dead by police after stabbing two people in Streatham, London on Sunday in what was swift labelled a terror attack.
Sudesh Amman, 20, had left prison just days before the attack outside Boots the Chemist on Streatham High Road, which left one passer-by initially in a life-threatening condition and another treated for minor injuries.
Amman had served part of his three year and four month sentence for the possession and distribution of extremist material but had been deemed sufficiently high risk that he was under special monitoring by police.
Indeed a notepad recovered from his home in 2018 contained a list of "life goals", top of which was "dying a martyr", and second - to the best of This Reporter's knowledge - buying a juicer.
The Baftas were held last night (Sunday) wit…